tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post1140895179647739734..comments2023-11-29T00:50:04.094-08:00Comments on Mine to Command: Out and ProudjAllenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282963869813954232noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-55009344922330888952013-09-27T07:40:44.510-07:002013-09-27T07:40:44.510-07:00oops, I meant to post this in response to your mos...oops, I meant to post this in response to your most recent post, "No Assumptions."Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01507531522613335860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-87097904777894243342013-09-27T07:38:47.071-07:002013-09-27T07:38:47.071-07:00This is a really interesting story and a good remi...This is a really interesting story and a good reminder that you can never assume what someone is going through in his/her private life. Even though your cousin ended up getting a divorce, you might still consider reaching out to her. One of L's cousins recently got divorced, and through her discussion of what happened, I learned that they had been seeking treatment for infertility. I later opened up to her a little about our struggle, and it was a point of connection for us. I think it helped her to realize that there are other people in the family whose lives are not turning out like they planned. <br /><br />As a side note, I wanted to tell you that I nominated you for a Liebster blogging award (info is on my latest post). No pressure to participate if you aren't interested and/or have already received one in the past, but I just wanted to let you know! Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01507531522613335860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-471506865551186262013-09-25T21:13:10.326-07:002013-09-25T21:13:10.326-07:00This is a great post! I was happy to read that yo...This is a great post! I was happy to read that you put that guy in his place that kept asking about kids. I also love the infertility announcement, although I really hope you never get to that point. I hope that one day, you are comfortBle enough to be out, not that you ever have to be, just that you won't have to worry about staying in the closet at that point. And you definitely should be proud, out or not. You are one of the strongest women I "know". Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16507432917936364757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-38766106336794442172013-09-25T17:29:21.945-07:002013-09-25T17:29:21.945-07:00that fake infertility announcement is hilarious!!!...that fake infertility announcement is hilarious!!!<br /><br />People like Robin are why I am in the closet and proud. Even the nicest people say the most ignorant shit when you bring up infertility Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-78855937339414713282013-09-24T10:53:41.985-07:002013-09-24T10:53:41.985-07:00I'm sorry you had all these negative experienc...I'm sorry you had all these negative experiences when sharing your story. I had some kind and thoughtful friends, so that really helped. Of course there were less-than-sensitive ones, too... <br />Love the gay analogy. Maybe you could just mention that at the next "just relax" comment?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-5142049067639365792013-09-24T08:53:39.613-07:002013-09-24T08:53:39.613-07:00Thanks for this post, Jane. I, too, have been pond...Thanks for this post, Jane. I, too, have been pondering when, if, and/or how we should tell our wider circle of friends and family about this struggle. It's funny that you mentioned the friends with "infertility amnesia," because one of the people in my life who has been most insensitive and pushy about the "so when are you going to have kids?" comments is my SIL who went through IVF to get all three of her kids. Their issue was 100% male factor, so she always saw my brother (her husband) as the infertile one, not herself. That is itself is bitchy enough, but you would think their experience would have taught her some sensitivity. Apparently, no. I think it's great that you are educating people about (in)fertility myths. We can't control how they respond or what kind of useless and cliche advice they will give, but being open about our struggles at least means not having to tell one more lie. Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01507531522613335860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-52998657820663170162013-09-24T07:47:42.169-07:002013-09-24T07:47:42.169-07:00Spot on analogy, Jane. I still have a real problem...Spot on analogy, Jane. I still have a real problem with this, and I've found that it's somehow even gotten worse, which I didn't think was possible. We started telling people outside of the family about this pregnancy a few days ago. I didn't really feel ready, but I'm getting a bump and I caught a couple of people looking at it at work. The first think people say when I tell them it's two is, "OHMYGOD, do twins run in your family?!!" Which I suppose is a reasonable question, but I can't bring myself to respond with a simple 'no, so weird, right?!' It feels like I'm doing an injustice to my infertile sisters and in continuing this silence about it. I truly believe that without the silence, we'd have less stigma, more insurance coverage for infertility, and fewer asshole comments like the justrelax one you mentioned here (even though this dense woman clearly heard this information that would save her from making an invalidating remark like that and WAS NOT LISTENING). So, I have outted us and our treatments to more people over the last three days than I have to in the last year. It's been liberating. But it's also been annoying. Why us? Why do I have to stick my neck out and be vulnerable because you don't know your science and stats? It's hard to be the one to have to educate. This same thing happens to social and ethnic groups that people are uneducated about. Members of those groups are forced to become teachers about their subgroups all of the time. Anyway, kudos to you for coming out. I know that I have walked away from each of my own coming out conversations with my chin held high. SO PROUD of myself for allowing myself to be vulnerable. It's the way harder choice than to respond with a simple, 'nope, no twins in the family; just a crazy coincidence!'Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-59633439869629156702013-09-24T05:38:23.086-07:002013-09-24T05:38:23.086-07:00One of the first close friends that I talked to ab...One of the first close friends that I talked to about infertility lived 1.5 hours away. It was nice to have a "safe zone".<br />And don't let the sour grape commenter put you off from sharing. MOST people that we've strategically shared with have been AMAZING!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-79198518350945852542013-09-23T18:23:34.812-07:002013-09-23T18:23:34.812-07:00As someone who has been "out and proud" ...As someone who has been "out and proud" for a long, long time now, I can relate. It is exhausting to educate all these people. But then at the end of the day, I'm actually proud of myself. I can think of a bunch of people who I know for a fact are well-educated on infertility... because I educated them. Would they be so sensitive if not for my plight? Maybe not. I like that I had that opportunity to shed some light. So next time they come across a closet infertile, maybe they won't make a dumb comment. I can only hope.<br /><br />And that's funny about the infertility announcement card! I've been really pondering how I'm going to announce on Facebook if we EVER get to that point...no matter what, it's going to be a mini education on infertility. I'm not pretending that the journey was easy, not for a second.Deedahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02386061097583007160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-25549662666603765462013-09-23T18:18:15.030-07:002013-09-23T18:18:15.030-07:00I love the analogy of the gay guy who people think...I love the analogy of the gay guy who people think hasn't met the right girl. So fitting! I have been pretty open at work about our situation, and it's provided both some hilariously awkward and poignant moments. And more than a few facepalms. It's the price we pay. <br /><br />To be fair, though, my bloggy friends are the only ones who know about my super vagina. Some things, the workplace just doesn't need to know. ;)Aramishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12275274008426941898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-7047575376904001612013-09-23T18:02:08.953-07:002013-09-23T18:02:08.953-07:00Wow. What a great post.
It's interesting tha...Wow. What a great post. <br /><br />It's interesting that you decided to open up to someone you aren't close with. I've done that, sometimes it feels safer to tell your story to someone you don't see all the time.<br /><br />And I completely agree with you that with being honest about your struggles with infertility there comes a burden to educate. I often tell people that "just relaxing" doesn't cure a medically diagnosed issue. Often they insist with the "you never know!" ugh...Gypsy Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13026496787029080243noreply@blogger.com