tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post3960316515164549953..comments2023-11-29T00:50:04.094-08:00Comments on Mine to Command: Late for the Party jAllenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06282963869813954232noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-45048850949389454532014-04-27T00:22:08.321-07:002014-04-27T00:22:08.321-07:00We are mos definitely late to the party, but I can...We are mos definitely late to the party, but I can say without a doubt that everyone has been absolutely in love with our babies. Those kids that are a little older? Of course they will want to play with your kids! All the 4-8 year olds tha I know are so excited to "play" with the babies. They talk about how they can't wait until the babies are older and they can do xy and a together. It is really cute. You might be late to the party, but everyone will be so excited for your little one. And those tha aren't, you won't care because you are going to be so over the moon it won't matter. I'm 39 and Hubby is 41, so we definitely know what it is like to have our kids later than most everyone else. Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16507432917936364757noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-29971075158505766372014-04-09T06:51:27.722-07:002014-04-09T06:51:27.722-07:00I like this metaphor. While most of my closest fr...I like this metaphor. While most of my closest friends are a child or two ahead of me, they're not too far because most still haven't started on their second. But what I'm most worried about is how much older I'll be than all the other mothers of my future child's peers. I'll be showing up to Kindergarten open houses feeling more like a grandma and less like a mom.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-88259269540393873372014-04-08T21:34:26.515-07:002014-04-08T21:34:26.515-07:00I hope this isn't hurtful to post, but this re...I hope this isn't hurtful to post, but this resonated with me in so many ways. Despite IF, we were still the "first to the party" and were dropped by all of our friends. We were the first to get married by quite a bit, and had many younger friends. Many of our initial friends group still doesn't have kids by choice. But my new mommy friends? Our #2 was stillborn and we are starting treatments for number #3 while they talk about how #1 is transitioning and what a great big sibling they are. We lost one friends group to being too early, and now we are feeling late. We can't win. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-88619337254940888342014-04-06T11:23:28.394-07:002014-04-06T11:23:28.394-07:00Showing up late is still better than not showing u...Showing up late is still better than not showing up at all.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06326763572650750036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-46147521451832638162014-04-05T09:29:29.308-07:002014-04-05T09:29:29.308-07:00Several people have already said this, but I will ...Several people have already said this, but I will reiterate what a fantastic analogy this is. I've been following you for some time now and thought I should come out of the shadows for once. I always look forward to your posts, your writing is always so poignant!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-36270821913788798742014-04-05T08:38:59.700-07:002014-04-05T08:38:59.700-07:00Infertility is about so much more than the physica...Infertility is about so much more than the physical difficulty of having a baby, isn't it? On the other hand I want to be reassuring and say that when you have your child, you'll find an accepting social group - there are people out there who want to have you and your children in their lives. If I manage to get past the stage of terrified apparently-pregnant IFfer living from day to day, I will have to address the same question you address here- though for the opposite reason. I am in the apparently unusual situation of having no close friends or family with children at all. There are a few "potentials" for having kids, but only one is close in the geographical sense. So I am 34 with no interaction with young<br /> families whatsoever. Pretty lucky for an IFfer, but what might life on the other side look like? I'll be trying to figure it out same as you...torthĂșilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-44282689197188066412014-04-04T13:03:56.621-07:002014-04-04T13:03:56.621-07:00What a great post. The feeling of being left behin...What a great post. The feeling of being left behind is an absolute perfect analogy. I hope your baby is just around the corner and people are coming in droves to be a part of your world.Suzanne https://www.blogger.com/profile/17076109137436674891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-80090768928061067262014-04-04T11:00:42.546-07:002014-04-04T11:00:42.546-07:00Man, what a great analogy, and I couldn't agre...Man, what a great analogy, and I couldn't agree more and feel the same way about the whole "your kids can babysit my kids" thing. At this point, my best friend just had her second grandkid, and they will even be older than own kids! But you know what's great about this life? If not arriving to the party at the picture perfect, right in the middle time, isn't going to interest those friends you already have and space continues to grow.....well then, there's a whole world of wonderful new people out there that would just love to call you their friend. That I can pretty much guarantee!Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07415140299306373048noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-72210837428547095662014-04-03T22:37:51.807-07:002014-04-03T22:37:51.807-07:00What an apt analogy. Also, I can very much relate ...What an apt analogy. Also, I can very much relate to "usually being the knowledgeable one" ;)<br />I hope, as others have experienced, that you will find a new circle of friends with baby. It won't be the same, but I hope it'll be good.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-85371435001841439642014-04-03T08:07:41.242-07:002014-04-03T08:07:41.242-07:00Most of my college friends had their kids in their...Most of my college friends had their kids in their 20s so the oldest is already 13!!! Luckily we found a group of friends from law school that is just having kids now so we are in the same group.<br /><br />While it would have been ideal to have a baby at the same time as your friends, it simply didn't happen that way. But their kids will LOVE babies (most kids do), and even though they can't give you advice because they don't remember the newborn stage, you will find new friends with kids the same age. And then your old friends can just tell you what you have to look forward to in the coming years.Non Sequitur Chicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07268138421234170972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-81210278928534402462014-04-03T07:40:26.352-07:002014-04-03T07:40:26.352-07:00I'm definitely the awkward one who shows up fi...I'm definitely the awkward one who shows up first to the party. When my friend's baby was baptized, I showed up BEFORE THE PARENTS!! <br /><br />When my friends started having babies, I used to joke that I'd "catch them on the next one" so we could have babies together. Now they are all done and I find myself making new friends with people having babies. I plan to join a Mom's group so I can make friends with people my age who have babies since none of my close friend's have babies on the horizon.<br /><br />And just remember that you will always have an online community of women who are in the same shoes as you. Having that has helped me so much I often wonder how women dealt with these heavy issues before the internet! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-1205541701113116052014-04-03T07:23:22.163-07:002014-04-03T07:23:22.163-07:00Last year, I saw a photo of my friends' childr...Last year, I saw a photo of my friends' children on the beach and I felt exactly what you described. An older woman tried to comfort me by saying that I will make new friends with the parents of my child's friends. It's just not the same. It's terribly depressing at times, especially with high school friends. My best friend's oldest child is 9 1/2 years old.Evehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15260723824329854148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-68149243922021464602014-04-03T07:19:59.612-07:002014-04-03T07:19:59.612-07:00I'm already so far behind all of my friends at...I'm already so far behind all of my friends at this point I just really don't care anymore! haha I just figure it is what it is. If I am able to finally have a baby I feel like I will be so in love with that baby that none of the other stuff will really matter. Could be wishful thinking on my part but o'well :)Amiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04738442092989090297noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-3413025220570891682014-04-03T06:30:14.761-07:002014-04-03T06:30:14.761-07:00Oh yes, I could have written this post word-for-wo...Oh yes, I could have written this post word-for-word. This is exactly how I feel about all my friends. And I hate, hate, HATE that I'm considering a legitimate reason to have a baby is because "everyone else is doing it!" I'm only 26, but in my world, almost all of my friends already have 2-3 kids and are closing up shop. If everyone we knew didn't have kids, I'm not sure Bobby and I would be in such a rush. And I hate myself for that. In real life, I'm amazing at finding that perfect "fashionably late" window. In baby world, I'm beginning to wonder if I should even show up. You're not alone, Jane!Lileehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09827780055657053096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-20956152465188167562014-04-03T06:27:14.539-07:002014-04-03T06:27:14.539-07:00As I read this, I kept shouting, "YES" t...As I read this, I kept shouting, "YES" to every point you make, like you were in my head writing out every thought and feeling I've had on this topic. (And writing it better than I could have/did, that's for sure). It is always reassuring to know I'm not the only one that feels this way...I often fear I'm being melodramatic or overreacting when it comes to all these emotions. At least I'm in good company.<br /><br />Feeling farther and farther behind? Check.<br />Fearing unsolicited motherly wisdom from friends? Check.<br />Sadness that I'm not experiencing parenthood with friends? Check.<br />Looking for hope that at least one of my friends might still have another child that could be similar in age to mine? Check.<br />Fearing isolation in a whole new way? Check.<br />Pissed off at infertility for yet another reason? Check.<br /><br />The invitation IS the most important part, and will be a giant blessing, but yet we may not be able to avoid the sense that we are so late and have missed out on a whole lot. But as Aubrey says, hopefully being at the party will be so amazing that it won't matter if we arrive late. Better late than never (which has become my motto, because it seems I'm late to just about every milestone I strive for, even though I'm ridiculously prompt to every event/activity I do).<br /><br />We will get to this party, Jane. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16130709434352231750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-67400348412501866052014-04-03T05:01:12.032-07:002014-04-03T05:01:12.032-07:00My thought is that WHEN you do have a baby, you wo...My thought is that WHEN you do have a baby, you won't care in the least about being late to the party :). You will be SO happy for your little miracle that it won't matter!! That said- I totally know how you feel... And how these thoughts absolutely take over sometimes. XOXOAubrey https://www.blogger.com/profile/10268033706598268682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-47830964624591181232014-04-02T18:20:27.101-07:002014-04-02T18:20:27.101-07:00I'm usually that totally annoying person who&#...I'm usually that totally annoying person who's on time to the party. I just figure, if that's when you tell me to be there, that's when I'll be there! Obviously I completely missed the memo on pregnancy, though. Aramishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12275274008426941898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2808830305872285145.post-84597917854286648912014-04-02T16:54:36.991-07:002014-04-02T16:54:36.991-07:00This post was inspired one entitled 'The Outsi...This post was inspired one entitled 'The Outsider" by Sarah J at When is it my turn?<br /> http://whenisitmyturn12.blogspot.com/2014/03/an-outsider.htmljAllenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06282963869813954232noreply@blogger.com