Awaiting Ovulation...

My supposed mid luteal progesterone level came back at 0.7. Not only did I not ovulate at the time I thought I did, but as of Day 19 I hadn't ovulated at all. Looking back, I suspect I was too anxious to start again after my miscarriage. I had misinterpreted all the cues. The EWCM was likely left over from the pregnancy, the twinges of pain were likely muscular aches from swimming and the lustful thoughts for the male nurse in the elevator probably reflects the fact that I've been with the same person for fifteen years. My hormones levels were probably still scattered and likely triggered a false positive on the fertility monitor, implying that I should have stuck to my initial instinct not to use it. I thought I had an understanding with the Universe: I could accept the disappointment from my miscarriage as long as I could move on as quickly as possible. Now I feel like I'm flying blind. I don't know if I ovulated since having my blood work done (not that it matters, since we haven't had sex during that time) or if I haven't ovulated yet (not that it matters, since Husband self-indulged today). It seems like such a foreign concept, no cycle tracking -just hope you're in your fertile time, have sex and maybe get pregnant. I have to remind myself that for most "normal" couples, this is their experience with the procreation process, but it seems so inefficient and futile to me. The most frustrating aspect of the ovulation uncertainty is the fact that I won't know when to expect AF. Although the two week wait is agonising, at least there is an end point. In my situation, there is no joy with the absence of AF. Each passing day without her means more waiting and more plans are put on hold. I've been looking ahead on the calendar. Husband has to go back east for work toward the end of the month and will be away for ten days. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably ovulate during that time. As I have a lot of vacation time saved up (thinking I would use it for maternity leave) I'm tempted to go with him. A few days in New York would be fun, but Husband has already arranged to spend some time with my parents, which is not conducive to baby dancing. It now means two months of missed chances. It's hard to know which is worse -trying to conceive and meeting the BFN or being denied the opportunity entirely.