Friday, 10 July 2020

2020 Goals Update

It’s so hard to believe that we’re already half way through this craptastic year so far. Individual days can feel so long, and yet weeks and months are flying by. Obviously the coronavirus shifted everyone’s plans and priorities, but I thought it was worthwhile to take a look at what my goals for 2020 were.

Weight Management

Targets for 2020
Keeping weight around 155
PB on Body Fat Test 

Of course, I had to lead with this one. This was probably the first to go out the window. When we first thought shelter in place may last a few weeks, maybe a month at the most, I started snacking and caring less about what I ate. Then once I realized that it was going to be going on much longer, I knew I couldn’t sustain my current habits. While Kate was out of school, we did a lot of baking as it was a good activity and a good way to introduce math and fractions, so there are a lot less temptations now that we’re back in school and work. Although right now we’re working our way through a dozen cupcakes as we nixed plans for a social distant birthday party as cases have been on the rise. After successfully giving up Coke Zero four years ago during a Whole 30, I started buying it again. Especially since Husband is not drinking while on his anticoagulation, I figured we needed at least one vice. Hey, at least it’s not real coke. The last time I weighted myself I was 156 and I don’t think the Body Fat Testing Truck is in operation right now. I could look it up. Or I could just see that my last weight was near my target, call it a win and move on. 

CrossFit

So our gym closed in mid March and we all started doing home WODs via Zoom with limited equipment. I’m sure my pushups are the best they’ve ever been, but I don’t know if I still have a strict pull-up. I know I’ve lost strength. I saw I had a 45 kg snatch as my target for 2020 and I did hit that about a month before SIP. Score another win. I actually did more classes before I went back to work full time, but it really wasn’t the same as going to the gym. I struggled to get in a workout when I went back, especially as we were adjusting to a new schedule. I would wake up at 5 am and would go into the garage, but would end up lying on the ground snuggling with Tyler, who has been spending a lot of refuge in the garage. I was awake at this ungodly hour -didn’t that count for something? Our gym is now holding in person classes and I’ve been attending at 5:30 AM. On our first day back, we finished a little early, so a few guys did an extra round and I joined them. It made me realise how much I missed. 

Swimming
I haven’t been in a pool in nearly 4 months. Currently, I’m writing from Kate’s swim lesson and I’m so jealous of her. I did manage to hit a PR in my 50 Free in February, so I’ll notch another victory. 

3. Setting out birthday cards
At press time, I still need to send cards for July, but sending them in a batch at the beginning of the month has been a successful strategy 

4. Sending photos to my in-laws
Total fail and don’t really care. 

5. Run some 5K races with Kate
I had tried to do some training runs with Kate, but we did about a quarter mile and then she got tired. I let her rest a bit and then she saw an ice cream truck. I realized the other challenge with her running training is that I was trying to do it during what was her nap time. Not a good idea. I noticed that I had running a sub 10 minute mile as one of my targets and I recently did one in 9:10. Score another win. 

6. Parenting

Targets for 2020: 
Getting Kate to sleep on her own. And earlier. Yes on earlier, still not on her own. 
Limiting her TV time. This was obviously thrown out the window during SIP, but we’re back to being restrictive. 
Getting her accepting into Kindergarten and getting her ready for school: She was accepted into a Catholic school that runs from Kindergarten through Eighth Grade. At the time of her interview in February, she was deemed to be ready for Kindergarten and I hope she still is. I think she may be the first kid to fail homeschooling in her own house. It was a battle to get her to do any work in a workbook or participate in any Zoom classes. Even now that she’s back in school, she resists if I try to engage her in the slightest bit of learning. “UGGGHHH NO LEARNING” Yup. That’s her attitude now. Prior to Shelter in Place, this was the girl who decided to write a letter to Eliza Hamilton (we received a response!). 

7. Maintaining friendships
This obviously has been harder with lack of any social events, so I have been trying to text more often. 

8. Miscellaneous 
Well I was planning to have professional photos done during our Hawaii trip, but we all know that’s not going to happen. At least I won’t have the task of framing hanging over my head. 

Last year I splurged on a beauty treatment and then needed to replace my transmission, so I ran into a bit of credit card debt. I got out of it quickly, but one of my goals for this year was to rein in my spending. My challenge was only to buy things if I absolutely needed them. If I found I need, I had to exhaust all resources, including what I have on had, what I could get used, what I could borrow etc. I was too often guilty of buying more clothes just because I had Gap Cash or the store was promoting a big sale. I actually had been doing well prior to SIP, but it became even easier once stores closed down. I ended up needing to do some online shopping to get some clothes for Kate and added a few dresses for me. I indulged a bit on workout clothes, which were unnecessary in the sense that I have a lot, but needed as they helped provide motivation when I didn’t feel like working out. 

I had listed as targets to update our front yard, finish the back year and maybe tackle the mess on our hill! Done, done and on track to be finished. 

Moving forward… ?

I kind of feel that I merely existing from from one day to the next. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day (quoting MacBeth via Hamilton). At least I’m actually driving to the gym to work out, then to work, home, Safeway and Farmer’s Market on the weekends. Okay that’s not that different from my old routine, but at least I had options to do other things. I’m just hoping to get through this month and hopefully we’ll know what is going to happen with Kate’s school. If we’re homeschooling again, I’ll likely run out my PTO, then look into working part time to help Kate manage her schoolwork. I’m sure that will bring a whole new set of challenges and opportunities. 

Tuesday, 16 June 2020

Body Image Challenges

I picked Kate up from school one day last week. I had taken the day off from work and I was wearing my work out clothes. A few minutes after we departed, Kate told me “Mommy, your muscles are getting big.” I thanked her for noticing and was surprised when she said this next;
“Don’t work out in the garage any more. I don’t want your muscles getting any bigger”
“Um, why?”
“Because you look like a boy”
“Girls can have muscles too, it’s not a boy/girl thing”
“But you still look like a boy”
“It doesn’t bother me. My muscles let people know I’m strong. In fact, relative to our body weight, mommy is stronger than daddy”
“A girl can be stronger than a boy!?”
“Hell yeah, she can.”
“Mind. Blown.”

I smiled and left it at that, thinking I had a good conversation about girl power and body image and I shared the exchange with some friends. Or so I thought. A few days later, Husband informed me that we he picked her up from school the next night, she expressed to him how she is concerned about mommy having big muscles and looking like a boy. She also totally grassed me up for saying that I’m stronger than him too.

Feeling frustrated, I tried to figure out where this is coming from. Obviously, the boys in her class at school aren’t very buff. We do have a few very built guys in our gym, but she hasn’t been to the gym in well over six months, possibly longer. I started thinking about the shows she watches and soon found my most likely culprit. Husband ordered Disney Plus (so he could watch the Star Wars series) and my parents let Kate watch movies from the Princess collection over Christmas, much to my dismay. I object to the repetitive theme of beautiful girl meets handsome prince and gets married and lives happily ever after (BTW, I had never watched Beauty and the Beast before. Hello Stockholm Syndrome!) but I relented think that she probably doesn’t quite understand the message and just enjoys the songs.

However, her comment about muscular girls looking like boys, prompted me to take a look at some of the leading men in these movies. I would argue that as we’ve focused on the tiny waistlines and over proportioned busts of the female characters and how it sets unrealistic expectations set for girls, we’ve taken our eye off the ball to examine the male characters. I enter into evidence these exhibits below, which show that all these men are particularity buff. I’m surprised no one has suspected steroid use.

My Prince Charming, what bulging biceps you have! 

Um, Aladdin spends way to much time working 
his chest and abs and neglects his arms

Whoa. This guy from The Hunchback of Norte Dame 
is rather hulk-like 

John Smith of Pocahontas settled the colonies 
While engaging in body building as a side gig

The Little Mermaid’s Price Eric eats his Wheaties 
and never misses a training session at the gym. 

Me last year.
I’ve probably lost most of that muscle tone. 

Yikes. These Princess movies are even more toxic that I already anticipated. 

Thursday, 11 June 2020

Right Now Spring 2020

Right Now: Spring 2020

I am currently…

Back at work full time. I resumed my normal schedule after Memorial Day, but it has been challenging to operate as business as usual as the unrest emerged as the murder of George Floyd proved to be a breaking point in police brutality and the false accusation of Amy Cooper exhibited the epitome of white privilege. It’s been a lot to process. I’ve been thinking about how my parents handled my grandparents’ racism, how I need to address it with my Father-in-law. How to start having these conversations with Kate. How to take tangible and meaningful actions. I’ve been deliberately silent on social media, as I know I’m one to think passive action counts as actual action. I’m also being quiet because I also feel I need to listen more and understand the perspective of others. I’ll state this; Not only do Black Lives Matter, matter is the minimum standard. Black lives should be respected and cherished.

Since I went back to work, I lost my 4:30 outdoor gym session. I’m finding my motivation to work out is waning at times. I’ve been waking up early to get in a garage work out before work, but some days I spend that time just lying on the floor with Tyler. Our box participated in the Run Across America this past Saturday and on Sunday we did a WOD in the parking lot of the gym. This meant that I had to get into my car and leave my car to go workout without the interruptions of a kid or a cat. It was as close to “normal” as I have felt in a long while.


Husband is currently…

Recovering from his DVT/PE. Thank you all who expressed your concerns. His lab work did not reveal any underlying hypercoagulable conditions and his doctor think he will be off his anticoagulation medication by the end of the year. He has been feeling really discouraged as not only did the surgery produce a life threatening complication, it hasn’t improved his pain. After hours of searching on Google, he found an Australian doctor who recommended a specific exercise plan, and so far it seems to be working.

Kate is currently...

Back at school. It ended up being a no brainer decision to send her when she school started to open for kids of essential workers. She was getting restless at home and Husband was not coping well having to manage working full time while being a stay at home dad. It has done a world of good for everyone. We were anticipating needing to switch to an earlier waking time when she enters Kindergarten (which starts at 8 AM) later this year, but as my schedule was shifted to an 8 AM start time while we were under SIP orders, we decided just to make the switch now. It’s been almost three weeks, but we’ve managed to get out of the house on time each day. It will actually be easier once she does start Kindergarten as that school is closer to our house.

We officially phased out naps during SIP, so when she went back to school, we asked her teachers not to nap her. The difficulty is that she is exhausted when she comes home. She falls asleep in the car ride home. I let her sleep a little bit a few a times, which resulted in her being awake until nearly 10 o’clock. So now I’m blasting the music to keep her awake and we just have to push though her being tired. Some nights it a major meltdown and we end up skipping dinner and maybe a bath and putting her to bed. It’s going to be a long summer.

Kate’s Quarantine Self Haircut
I was going to let her bangs grow out, but she had other ideas and 
decided to take the scissors in her own hands 

Tyler is currently...

Battling with fleas. We treat him, they retreat for a while, then come back.  I’m trying a new oral medication along with his topical treatment to see if this combination brings more success.

His meowing is fixed! I had been letting him hang out in the garage in the evening and I would bring him in when I went to bed and would give him his kitty CBD oil. He would settle down, but then would start meowing again at 4:20 AM (his is versed in cannabis culture). I would let him into the garage and then get ready to work out. Until one night, he just wouldn’t stop meowing. We don’t want to lock him in the garage all night (as he’ll want to come in and will scratch at the door and meow) and we don’t want to leave the door (leading into our garage) unlocked. However… We build a special enclosure in our garage for his litter box that he accesses through a cat door, and there is a door in the back that opens from the garage side, which lets him go into the garage while keeping the connecting door secure. The meowing at night has stopped. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THIS YEARS AGO!!!

The Decoy Computer
Tricks your cat while your are working 

The Good
We finally planted in our planter’s box! We’ve also been working on clearing our hill. I think we’ve done about 75 lawn and leaf bags, plus our neighbors let us use their green bin each week. Unfortunately, I never took any before pics, and I can’t find any, but imagine this hill with a lot of dead shit on it.




Still have a lot of work to do...

The Bad
We officially cancelled our trip to Hawaii and my parents decided they don’t feel comfortable flying out in August. I’m doubtful that we’ll visit at Christmas and I don’t know when I’ll see them again. I really don’t know when or if we’ll see my in-laws again.
Kate and I were supposed to see Hamilton last month. (We are looking forward to seeing it on Disney Plus)

On My Mind..
The coronavirus. I’m anticipating a huge spike in cases due to the protests. Is this going to represent the second wave?
Kate recently asked “How old will I be when the virus is over?” I couldn’t give her an answer.
She showed me how she placed her LEGOs so that Elsa and Olaf were 6 feet apart. I wonder how kids are going to be affected long term by this.
The economic effects from the virus. Businesses that will need to close and growing unemployment.
Systemic racism. Is this movement going to bring real change that is so long overdue? I hope so.


Wednesday, 13 May 2020

Returning to Normal (ish)

Shelter in Place Day 59

Has it been that long already? How is it that the days can seem so long but weeks and months are passing so quickly. I can’t believe we’re already into the second week of May. I remember walking into work on Monday morning March 16th, knowing it would not be an ordinary day.  At the end of the previous week, many local schools had closed and a Face.book friends with ties to the Governor’s office had hinted that a shelter in place order was coming our way. We had an emergency staff meeting to discuss how we would be reducing services and schedules. I was extremely fortunate to be able to work half days, which allowed me to split the homeschooling duties with Husband. I remember the first weekend when all our usual activities were cancelled. Probably for the first time since Kate was a newborn, I went to bed without setting my alarm and enjoyed a particular freedom of being able to wake up whenever Kate allowed us to and the weekend was a blank slate.

I often find that my weekends tend to be consumed with activities outside of our house. 8 o’clock gym class on Saturday morning, come home, get cleaned up and take Kate to her gymnastics class. Grab lunch, go to Safeway, maybe hit the Library on our way home. Unload groceries, throw some laundry into the machine before going to the local pub for dinner. Sunday is very similar; gym, Farmer’s Market, any other shopping related errands, maybe a play date or a birthday party for one of Kate’s friends. Meal prep, face time with my parents, pack lunches, go to bed. We hardly spend any time at home, so initially it was a nice break from the grind and like many others, I saw it as an opportunity to spend more quality time in our own house. I culled and re-organized all our closets, although I think I need to do Kate’s again as I noticed she’s outgrowing some dresses. We tackled our utility closet, which I don’t think had been done since we moved into this house ten years ago, and I suspect another ten years will pass before it receives such attention again. I finally painted the trim from when we had our windows replaced two years ago. At last we started clearing through our much neglected back garden, a project that was on our radar to start this summer, but now seemed more likely to actually get done.

We’re into our ninth week of this routine. I ended up needing to use my PTO to continue my half day schedule, so I started working full days on Monday and Friday. I’m not too worried about consuming my PTO, as I feel we won’t be taking our vacation to Hawaii this year and when we (most likely) will have to do this again in the fall, I think my company may require us to reduce our schedules and take unpaid time off. I found that I had to start setting my alarm again to participate in the morning gym classes via Zoom on the weekends. It’s interesting that under my normal schedule, I never struggled to fit in a WOD when I’ve needed to do a home workout. However, without a structured schedule, I would put it off and it wouldn’t get done. I’ve enjoyed our Zoom classes as I feel I’ve gotten to know fellow members much better by seeing their houses and their creativity with makeshift equipment from using power tools as weights to attaching bags of kitty litter to a broom for a barbell.  Yet, I’m so over home WODs. I miss the rig. I miss being able to drop a heavy barbell on the floor. I really miss the fact that going to the gym was my me-time. While Kate likes spending time with me while I’m doing the class, sometimes she’s a hinderance. She’ll want to be the coach and will become upset if I don’t follow her WOD. Even the cat likes to interrupt me. Our gym added a Pilates Style Core Crusher class, which Tyler thinks is a great time to let me know he wants to be pet non-stop right during the class.

Kate really needs to go back to school. I’m so over homeschooling and my expectations have dropped at a rate we wish COVID-19 cases were falling. I’m flattened the curve of my efforts. One of the hardest things about the beginning of SIP was that it was unseasonably cold and raining, it was finally sunny and warm around week three or four and I started letting her play outside. Our homeschool had a three hour recess. She’s also fairly independent outside and will often use her own imagination to entertain herself, which I think is an essential skill for a child. I go through a vicious circle of feeling that as long as she’s into her own play that does not involve a screen she’ll be fine to freaking out that she’s not doing any “schoolwork” and she’s not going to adapt to the classroom when we go back to “normal”. I’ve been trying to get her to do just two pages in a workbook and it is a huge battle. She stalls. She has to go to the bathroom. She needs a different pencil. She can’t focus on the task at hand and I’m starting to worry that she might be ADHD. It’s easy work for her and I emphasize to her that she could knock in out in five minutes rather than it taking a fucking hour. Today I wondered if it was too easy and I pulled out a K-1 workbook, with which she did a little better. We downloaded ABC Mouse, which she does while Husband is on a work call, and I noticed that she was doing first grade lessons. I asked Husband if he upgraded this, as I believe he set it up at a pre-K level and he hadn’t. So it either recognizes ability, which is a cool feature or she figured out how to access first grade work, which is kind of impressive.

Early on, I read that the SIP was harder on older children who have more of an established social network, while younger children seemed to be enjoying the extra time with Mom and Dad. Yet like so many other aspects, that faded over time. Although she doesn’t come right out and say it, I think Kate really misses her friends. As an only child myself, I can relate to how boring it is to have only grown ups for company, and its these moments that make me wish Kate had a sibling. Albeit, that can be tenuous; my friend in OC reports her boys play nicely 20% of the time and are fighting in the remaining 80%. I have to keep reminding myself of this when her behavior flairs up. Last Saturday, she was especially feisty and I decided that I just had to get her out of the house. She needed a change of scenery beyond our four walls and backyard. I took her with me to Safeway and it did a world of good. Her behavior was much better. Then next day we went to the Farmer Market. I also took her to her school when I paid the May tuition and the director let her play on her school’s playground. While stopping at a Hardware store, we found an open and empty mini-golf course, which she wanted to explore. I paid for a round, but explained that we didn’t want to actually play. Kate got far more enjoyment running around the course, pretending to be a princess who lived in the “castle” (the course had a renaissance theme) than if we had tried to golf. I need to find more little escapes like this.

Her school is started a phased re-opening next week, only for kids of essential workers to keep the numbers down (although a third have dropped enrollment). It will start by only having kids go for three hours a day, then six, then building up to nine. I’m really tempted to bring her back, but also hesitant. Is it the right time, should we wait a little longer? We’re tentatively planning to send her back in June, but her behavior has been so out of control, I think we need to try to send her next week. Tyler has moved from being ‘why are home and why aren’t you petting me?’ To ‘seriously, why are you home?’ He’s stressed and has started meowing at night. I’ve started letting him hang our in the garage having his ‘garage time’ which seems to allow him to chill.

I really need a new pair of shoes, which I prefer to buy in a store than try to navigate sizing during an online purchase. My hair needs to be cut badly and we’ve decided to let Kate’s bangs grow out rather than try to trim them at home. I found the perfect sized containers for my cut carrots at Marshalls and I want to go back and get some more. These are all things I can live without, but it’s making me realise how I took for granted the ease of completing such errands. My eating has been up and down. When this first started and I briefly thought it would only be a two week thing, I stopped tracking my calories and macros as I was snacking much more. Baking has been a great way to keep Kate entertained and teach her math, but it’s led to us eating many more cakes and cookies than we normally would. As with many other things, initially I was keen to try new recipes and excited to have more time to cook dinner at night. Now my enthusiasm has waned and we’ve been eating more processed quick to serve foods. We also eat take out twice a week just to support our local restaurants. Just like when I was breastfeeding, I’ve stayed off the scale until I can really focus on getting back on track.

Then there is such a thing as ‘pandemic pressure’. In the early days, my friend posted a quote that said ‘if you don’t come out of this with a new skill, completed project..etc.. you didn’t lack time, you lacked motivation’. At the time, I nodded in agreement and ‘liked’ the post. Now I feel more like, um, isn’t it enough just to not get the virus and keep your job? Yeah, fuck you. It calls attention to the fact that everyone’s experiences during this pandemic are vastly different. The families of the almost 85,000 dead are morning the loss of a loved one in a very difficult way. First line responders and medical workers are working endless long hard days. Other essential workers who are risking their lives at work each day. Those who are newly unemployed and are worried about paying pills and putting food on the table. This morning I cut open a tube of lotion to use the last little bit that was stuck to the sides. It’s something I’ve been doing for years after hearing my grandfather tell stories about living through the Great Depression. It hit me that those memories are going to become a new reality. Which makes me feel really guilty and privileged to express these next thoughts. Even as we discuss returning to normal, there’s a part of me that starts to feel nostalgic about this time. As challenging as it’s been at times, I feel so blessed to have this bonus time with Kate while she’s at this age. I’ve enjoyed having a reduced work load and being able to come home and spend time outside. I don’t think I’ll have this opportunity again until (should I make it) I’m near retirement.

There are other things I’ll appreciate about living through the pandemic. The sense of community, the way we’ve identified who is essential. The way we’ve been checking in on one another and the creative ways to connect. I hope Zoom virtual happy hours continue. I hope bars keep selling ‘to go’ cocktails in mason jars. I like shopping with bring it to your trunk service. I’d like to see some of the positive influences that came out of this crisis carry over as we settle into what everyone is hearing as our ‘new normal’. Social distancing is still going to be present. In the Bay Area, we wear masks everywhere. You have to queue to be amount the 40 shoppers allowed in Safeway at a time (which makes for a nicer shopping experience once you get in). Despite the protection from chlorine as a disinfectant, I’m not sure I’ll get back to competitive swimming any time soon.

Sigh. We all want to get back to some degree of normalcy, even if it is a new normal.

Saturday, 11 April 2020

What I learned during Homeschooling

Okay, the first thing. When we started Shelter in Place in the Bay Area, I thought I was going to have time to blog. Almost four weeks later, I’m finally typing. Okay… so how is everyone doing? Firstly, I have to acknowledge my privilege that I can reflect (read: complain) about this experience while many are facing a different reality and have much deeper reflections and genuine complaints. Yes, I’m still working as I’m technically considered an essential worker, but I’m a minimally essential -essential worker. Our office is only having us see pregnant patients and those with urgent issues. I made the decision to keep a patient on my schedule as she had twice been treated over the phone for a possible yeast infection in the past two months. Her exam confirmed my suspicion: herpes. That’s the extent of my heroism during this pandemic -I diagnosed a case of herpes. With a reduced patient load, I’ve been working half days. Since my swim meet was cancelled and we’re obviously not going to South Carolina for spring break, I’ve used the PTO that I was planning to take during this time. As Husband primarily works from home, he’s work hasn’t been impacted, except he is doing more conference calls as he isn’t traveling. When Kate’s school closed, we made the arrangement that he would move his morning calls as much as he could and I would come home in the afternoon, so we could split the homeschooling duties.

When Shelter in Place was first announced, I think many parents saw this Covid-19 Daily Schedule on social media outlets and like me thought.. okay that seems feasible… Only to realize that it was completely unrealistic. Husband’s colleague noted that there was no ‘Mom work time’ listed on the schedule, which doesn’t account that many of us are still needing to work while homeschooling, which really makes it hard to keep to a consistent schedule. It also hasn’t helped that we’ve had usually cold and very rainy weather, so opportunities to get outside have been limited. Sometimes Husband and Kate have to go out when the can. Emails from Kate’s school keep encouraging us to keep kids on a consistent schedule. It reminds me of the horrible book someone gave me when Kate was a newborn that suggested a strict regimen. Wake 7 AM. Eat toast and tea. Let baby kick on mat while you express 2 oz of milk. Yes, she was that precise. I threw the book in our garbage as it induced so much unnecessary anxiety.

I think the hardest thing about homeschooling is that you’re not separating home and school. Husband finds that to be the case about working from home. I’ve tried using our living room, which is a room we don’t often use to introduce a neutral space and one designated for school, but it isn’t really helping. One of my biggest challenges, it that we generally don’t interrupt Kate when she’s playing by herself. I refer this to her being in the ‘zone’ as often she’s engaging her imitation and sometimes doing something creative. I came home from work one day and tried to engage her in our lessons, but she was in the middle of creating a treasure hunt. She hid objects in her room and my room and then drew a map to find those objects. Can’t that be considered learning?

I started out with a rough schedule trying to accommodate some core learning concepts. 20 minutes of math, writing a letter to a friend each day and as a reward, we’d so some fun science experiments. It may have worked for a day or two. She really started resisting wanting to write, which killed me as it was only a few weeks ago she came up with the idea on her own to write a letter to Eliza Hamilton (which we did and sent to the Schuyler family estate and they wrote us back!). I decided to back off as I didn’t want to kill her interest in writing and she is still engaging in writing on her own. (Although not as much as I would like).

I hit Michels the weekend before the anticipated SIP order and picked up a few new crafts and projects, but I was careful not to go overboard, as I wanted to use the existing resources we already had at home. (We also went through two items that were meant to be birthday gifts for parties that were cancelled) I found some books about science projects or crafts to do with kids, which probably would have continued to gather dust on my shelf if not called upon during this pandemic. One book was more basic, but I noticed the ‘experiments’ were less about learning and more an opportunity to make a mess. The other book introduced more scientific principles, and not surprising she had less interest in those projects. One project involved making a hovercraft with a balloon, CD and a pop top water bottle lid. She didn’t give a shit about the hovercraft and instead she wanted to blow up the balloons to host a party for her Vamperina doll. She taped the balloons around the kitchen (In ROY G BIV order), set up a table and served a bowl of Pirate Booty. I had to start asking myself, was I doing these experiments for her or for myself? Thus, my first and most import lesson learned from homeschooling: lower your expectations. The next day, she left our project in progress set up for an outdoor picnic as we had a brief break from the rain. Zero fucks were given. Actually, I think she’s training to be the next Martha Stewart. Perhaps Freud could interpret it an expression of her frustration with the isolation and her desire to gather with her friends again -but she’s been hosting parties and events long before SIP.

I decided that I had to move forward with the notion that as long as she was engaging in some type of creative play that was not involving any screen time, I needed to be happy with that. Yet, it really worries me about how it will affect her readiness for Kindergarten. I’m not so much worried about the academic aspects as she is ahead of expectation in terms of being able to write her letters and she can do basic addition and subtraction without any problems. We’ve even introduced multiplication and division and fractions. I’m concerned about her attentions span, her ability to focus on her assigned task and her ability to follow directions. I keep trying to remind myself that it will be different when she is in a class with other kids and a teacher who is not me, but it is one of the many ways I tell myself this will all be okay.

During the second week of SIP, Kate’s school announced that they were going to start 30 minute classes via Zoom. Initially I thought this was a great idea as it would return a bit or “normalcy” to our hodgepodge routine. Not to mention, I was looking forward to having a bit of a break, especially in the early weeks when I was also dealing with an onslaught of work related emails. I was observing that not only did Kate struggle to pay attention to a task, but she absolutely lost her shit if I diverted my attention away from her. It was to the point that she would even act out or feign some emergency just so that I would put down my phone. I had to make a rule with myself to only look at my phone for work purposes when I overheard Kate playing with her dolls and she told them “I have to look at my phone to learn about the coronavirus” Anyway, getting back to Zoom. It was a total fail. Kate had no interest in the classes. It was a battle each day to get her to sit and participate. I reached out on Face.book and was relieved when other parents reported a similar struggle. It was also interesting to hear parents with older kids who thought that Kate’s age group was a little young for the Zoom classes.

Then her school announced that they were adding a second class and I lost it. For the first time, I was close to tears. I emailed her teacher asking for help trying to get Kate to engage in this classes. Her response; “Maybe Kate is not interested in online learning at this time. Perhaps she could do some coloring or look at books” I thought that was sort of a cop out. I am much more sympathetic than Husband for understanding why were are paying tuition for this month (we want teachers to get paid and the school to remain open) but I do like to feel that I am getting something for the money we are paying. Plus, I didn’t like setting a prescient that she can just skip out of something school related if she just doesn’t feel like it. Yet, I was dreading a second daily battle to force her to sit in front of my iPad.

When Husband went in to pay our April tuition, he actually received some helpful insight from the school’s Secretary. She reported that some other parents admitted to her that their kids were struggling and she commented that Montessori kids are used to hands-on learning, so the concept of video classes is very foreign to them. I could also appreciate that there is limited appeal in seeing all your classmates on a Brady Bunch screen set when you can’t actually talk with them as you’re all on mute. The receptionist even revealed that the decision to use online tools was controversial among Montessori teachers as Montessori methods are low tech. It also gave me the idea to set up our home to be more like her school. I started putting new pieces of “work” on our coffee table each night. It worked initially, she started selecting work without being prompted. Then she moved all the items so she could set up a “tea party” on the coffee table and she had a total meltdown when she found that I moved her tea party to replace it with new work.

Alas, I started to be less structured and tried incorporating regular tasks into learning experiences. One SIP project was to re-organize our utility closet. Kate helped me sort out batteries. We discussed the different types and sizes and introduced positive and negative charges. That totally counts as a science lesson. I also crushed all of our La Croix cans since we can’t take them to recycling, which was an opportunity to discuss volume and density. Some days are better than others. There are times when she really resists doing anything that involves learning and she just wants to play. Thus, I’m finding one of the hardest challenges is where is the fine line between being sympathetic to behavior changes due to the disruption in her normal routine, the fear about the situation (we’ve been honest about the seriousness of the virus and she knows that it “dies” people and many people have died -including one of my former colleagues) and when she is being a fucking little shit? Of course, an additional variable is that we’ve completely phased out naps. On the weekends, we would sometimes let her watch a show during what would be her nap time, just to give her some quiet resting time, but I’m really loathe to give her any more screen time during the day. I just try to remember that some of her bratty behaviors could be due to tiredness.

The best part of the day is when I have my gym classes. Our Cross Fit box has been doing classes via Zoom and it’s really helped me offset some of the “Quarantine Fifteen” (My eating is another issue). Although I work out regularly, I’ve found I need a consistent time otherwise I just procrastinate. (Interestingly Kate loves waving to my coaches while I’m working out). I’ve been parking the cars on our driveway to give her more space in the garage. One day she wanted to play soccer where she was diving on the ground to do dramatic goalie stops. I started to cringe as I was watching her get her clothes dirty (hey props to her for actually wearing her school clothes) but decided to let it go. Then I realized that by the time all this blows over, she’ll have outgrown the clothes anyway.

That’s what I feel is the hardest aspect about this situation. We don’t have a definite end date. My Cross Fit coach recently commented that it’s like we’re in a 5 RFT (Rounds for Time) WOD. Everyone is really pumped and energetic in the first two rounds. We had lots of ideas of what we would do, projects we would accomplish, but now after a few weeks we’re draining and just waiting for it to be over. I replied that it’s more of an AMRAP (As Many Rounds as Possible) for an unknown and undetermined amount of time, which makes it hard to pace yourself. I often feel as if I’m in a Groundhog Day loop. Work for five half days, go to Safeway on Saturday morning (early bird gets the TP) and Farmer’s Market on Sunday then wash, rinse, repeat. I approach my work routine by counting down to my next day off. Events that I had been anticipating, my swim meet, visiting my parents -cancelled. Are we going to have Memorial Day off and whee… it’s a solo picnic in our backyard… Trying to find a decent tree branch to do pull ups to keep the Murph tradition going... I sound like I’m venturing into complaining so I’m going to stop. Yet the uncertainty of everything is still a challenge. We were slated to go to Hawaii in August, I’m extremely doubtful that’s going to happen, are they going to be able to accommodate everyone in our timeshare at a later date? What to do about Kate’s summer school. Is she going to be able to start Kindergarten at the end of August? That’s only four months away. Don’t get me started about the uncertainty surrounding the election.

To all my friends out there in Blog World and Facebook Land, I still consider you dear friends and hope you are well during this scary situation. I’ve enjoyed reading all your suggestions for activities, expressions of frustrations and ability to laugh when we all need it. Just like we did with infertility, we’ll get through this together -the original social distancers

Thursday, 27 February 2020

Right Now Winter 2020

Reading: After plowing through The Babysitter’s Club and Shelia the Great, I hit the jackpot again at the Library book sale and purchased Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret and What If I’m an Atheist? A teen’s guide to life without religion for $1. AYTGIMM was really important to me while I was growing up. As my mother was Catholic and my father was Lutheran, they joined a generic Congregational church and like Margaret, I got to decide if I wanted to go through their confirmation process. I probably agreed just because some of my friends where taking the classes. I think there may have been a guy I fancied and I saw it as more opportunity to spend with him. The only issue is that I couldn’t be confirmed as I hadn’t been baptized. I got to select my god parents and was baptized (drops of water on the forehead and everything) in a private ceremony days before the big confirmation on Easter Sunday. Also like Margaret, I got my period during this time. I would go on to chose Atheism in my adult life, hence I bought the other book too. 

Watching: Lots of MSNBC. Meet the Press. Real Time with Bill Maher. Last Week Tonight with Jon Oliver.
 I’m starting to get annoyed at This is Us again. I find it a bit inconsistent that Rebecca is suffering with memory loss in the Thanksgiving episode, then she’s totally lucid while she’s on a retreat with Kate. I still find Kate to be rather pathetic and while I’ll agree that CrossFit people are totally obnoxious and annoying, I didn’t like how she resented him for losing weight without her. Uh, wait are your waiting for Kate? 

Drinking: I left the house without making my coffee this morning, so I stoped at Starbucks. I was going to get a high calorie fru-fru drink since I rarely ever go to Starbucks, but I opted for a Coconut milk latte. I was kicking myself for paying nearly $5 for the same drink I make a home, but it was only 130 calories. 

Eating: I just discovered that I can balance my little Baby Bullet container of Humus in the console of my car and I snacked on celery and humus while driving to pick up Kate from school. 

Loving: Warmer weather! It was 70 degrees today and is forecasted to hit 76 later this week. Jackets no longer needed! 

Anticipating: Our letter of acceptance or wait list placement from Kate’s kindergarten application. We find out the week of March 11. Time seems to be passing quickly, but as my stomach has been in knots while we’ve been waiting, it feels like forever. 

Hoping: Joe Biden does not win the South Carolina primary. Actually I hope he does poorly enough to convince him to drop out, but I don’t think that will happen. Don’t get me wrong, I have respect for the former VP and I was rooting for him to be Obama’s pick in 2008, but he is the candidate I feel is least likely to defeat Trump. 

Worrying: Everything about this election. I’m worried if Bernie is the nominee. I’m worried if someone other than Bernie (especially Biden) is the nominee. I’m worried about losing the majority in the House if Bernie is the nominee. I really hope we can flip some Senate seats. I’m worried about Russian interference. I’m worried that we won’t have a fair and free election. I’m worried that even if the Democrat wins, Trump won’t leave office. I’m worried that we’re fucked majority.

Browsing: Searching for flight. Kate and I are going to visit my parents in South Carolina for her spring break. 

Celebrating: Husband’s recovery. He had minimally invasive surgery on his Achilles three weeks ago and was on crutches with his ankle in an immobilizing boot. Just after he was able to start putting some weight and walking on only one crutch he complained of having some back aches one night. I was recovering from the cold from hell, so we figured he was coming down with it too and he went to bed right after dinner Presidents’ Day. He woke me up around 11:30 sitting on the side of the bed winching in pain complaining that his ribs hurt. He had already taken Motrin and had been sleeping with a heating pad and neither had touched the pain. He looked in agony and I actually thought he might throw up due to the pain. Then he started apologizing for waking me up and disturbing my sleep. This was a bit unusual. Husband is a whiner. Big time. He’ll come back from the gym and moan and groan for days about how everything hurts as he seeks attention and sympathy. Then I saw that Tyler (who is at best indifferent to Husband) had a concerned look on his face. Animals know when something is wrong. I decided we would go to the Emergency Room. I thought he might have a spontaneous pneumothorax. 

Fortunately when we arrive at the ED, it was a slow night and he was able to be seen right away. Kate and I decided to go home as she had her Kindergarten interview the next day. Husband planned to get and Uber home. My alarm went off at 5 to wake me for swimming. I looked over and noticed that Husband hadn’t come home. I had forgotten to unsilence my phone and started reading the multiple missed text message. He had been admitted after they diagnosed a blood clot in leg that had traveled to his lungs. 

So, not what I was expecting to hear… Despite the life threatening nature of a pulmonary embolism, he remained stable and was discharged in less than two days. Physically he’s doing well, but mentally a bit shook up. He’s also was really disappointed as he will won’t be able to umpire at all this year, but he started to embrace the silver lining and see this as an opportunity rather than a setback. He wants to lose some weight (which will happen just by the fact that he can’t drink on his anticoagulants!) and focus on regaining strength once he’s cleared to go back to the gym. 

Preparing: My Costco shopping list. I’ve been trying to stretch it so I hit Costco every other month and I think the only reason why I’ll make it to March is because February is a short month. 

Finishing: This post which I started two days ago -ha! Actually I just paid off my credit card bills. 

Subscribing: Nothing at the moment. I didn’t renew Kate’s subscription to High Five as we have a lot of untouched issues. I think I’ll start her with Highlights once she learns to read on her own. 

Going: To run a half marathon! My first in nearly five and a half years. I started doing some training runs on Sunday mornings and I actually pulled off my best 10 K time since Kate was born even while I was recovering from a cold. 

Listening: to a Nutrition podcast.It’s been pretty interesting although I don’t think I’m learning too much new information, just a better explanation. However, I’m discovering I don’t as much need information about what I should be eating; I need help not eating those things I shouldn’t be eating! 

Monday, 27 January 2020

Kate 4.5

We made it to four-and-a-half! Kate is very particular about telling people that she is four and a half and not just four. Behavior wise, we are at a much better place then when I was writing her four year old update. Some of the suggestions from The Difficult Child were helpful. The portable digital clock was effective, the goodie plate not so much. Mostly I think she just needed time to work out what ever issues that instigated the regression, but I feel that is one of the greatest challenges of parenting -when to know what is ‘just a phase’ and when to know when to intervene? Sometimes the explanations are apparent. My parents came to visit for two and a half weeks over the Christmas holiday, we had a few parties and hosts guests at our house. Then my parents left. A few days later Husband went away for the better part of two weeks and Kate was left with me and Tyler. She became especially clingy during our morning routine; wanting me to dress her…needing me to keep her company when she goes potty… following me around like a shadow. I know there will come a time when she’ll want nothing to do with me and I’ll be longing for these days, but really, is it too much to ask just to go to the bathroom alone?

Height 42 inches
Weight 48 pounds

Eating:  While my parents were visiting for Christmas break, Husband, Kate and I went out to a holiday party for his work. When we returned we found my parents sitting in front of the fire drinking wine and eating out of a box of Che.x Snack Mix. Kate asked if she could have some, and my mother responded that it was late and “she probably ate enough at the holiday party”. She then followed up by asking “What’s your weight goal Kate?” TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE QUESTION TO ASK HER! I informed my mom as I ushered Kate to her room as it was way passed her bedtime. The next morning, I noticed that my parents ate half of the box. I was tempted to throw the ‘weight goal’ comment  back at my mom, but I didn’t as that would be a dick thing to say. 

A few days later, we hosted my aunt and uncle for dinner on Christmas Day. I served a Frozen II themed cake for dessert (because that was all that was left at the Safe.way bakery when you wait until the last minute and pick up a cake after work on Christmas Eve). Kate ate the frosting off her piece and asked her another slice of cake. I quietly replied that she was only going to get one peace of cake. Once again, my mom asked Kate about her weight goal. I fucking lost it and blew up at my mom. I called her out on the fact she can’t give Kate multiple temptations (she put candy canes on our tree, gave Kate Pee.ps in her stocking and they made seven different types of cookies) and then shame her. As I excused myself to do the dishes, I heard my dad mumble something about my mom bugging him about his weight goal.

My mom joined me in the kitchen to let me know that she thought my response was inappropriate and ‘hurtful’ to her. I stood my ground and said it was absolutely justified given that this was the SECOND time I had to tell her that her words were inappropriate and furthermore, most anorexics cite one specific comment that triggered their illness. I had to stop her before she utters something when Kate is older and more impressionable. I also informed her that asking someone about their weight goal is a dick thing to say to anyone, especially when it comes from someone who has never struggled with weight issues. “Well, what are you going to do about her eating?” She turned the tables to me.

Here is where I have to admit even before her words, I have been concerned about Kate’s eating and her size. While I don’t bring many snack foods into our house (Fruit Snacks, Z-bars and Gold.fish crackers are our staples) I feel I’m too lenient when we go out. Kettle corn at the Farmer’s market. A cake pop from Starbucks while we’re shopping. During the CrossFit Open last autumn, I had to bring Kate to the gym and I know she gorged on cookies and cupcakes from the pot luck table, while I was warming up and competing. I checked her stats and she’s gained 4 lbs  and grown half an inch since her forth birthday. She’s developing a bit of a belly and some of her (size 5) clothes don’t fit. She often gets a Plummer’s crack with her pants and her shirts ride up like Will Farrell in the infamous “Cowbell” sketch on Saturday Night Live. I purged our panty after my parents visiting (giving up the Z-bars and Gold.fish, but keeping the fruit snacks) and I’m vowing to be more vigilant over her eating and her weight. 

Sleep: So my plan was to have Kate falling asleep on her own without me hanging out in her room. I gave her the privilege (as I really talked it up) of ‘reading’ on her own. Kate does like to look at books on her own and as she’s memorized several books she can ‘read’ to herself. It was a fail. She kept getting out of bed to ask me questions, wanting a drink of water, for one more hug…etc..I ended up going back into her room just to keep her in the bed. Sigh. She has been better about sleeping through the night and staying in her room. The trouble is (and this is related to her late bedtime) it’s sometimes hard to wake her up in the morning. We’re all going to be in for a rude awakening when she starts Kindergarten (which starts at 8 AM) and we’re going to have to push our departure time up by 45 minutes. I’m secretly hoping that kindergarten will wear her down so much that she’ll naturally fall asleep much earlier (and on her own)! We’ve pretty much phased naps out on the weekend (she still naps at school) but she’ll occasionally doze in the car depending on the day’s activities. If she sleeps, great; but I no longer drive around or stay in the car just to her to nap. For the most part she’s been coping pretty well, but we still have some major meltdowns due to her being overtired. 

Clothes: As mentioned previously, she’s now is size 5, as it has been her pattern to be one year ahead. I purged her size four clothes just after Halloween, keeping a few dresses from companies that tend to run a little larger on their sizes. By Thanksgiving, I had to purge those dresses as well. She’s become better about getting dressed by herself in the morning, as I think she enjoys being able to pick our her own clothes. I am anticipating quite a challenge, if she gets into her new Kindergarten, which requires uniforms. Previously, I’ve been very pro-uniforms. It takes away a lot of pressure to buy designer clothes for kids, makes decision easier… I’m now seeing that those benefits may apply more to older children.

My friends’ son attends this school and she noted that it is easier for boys. She just had to buy a few school sweatshirts and then stocked up on navy shorts and white polos at Target, which were much cheaper that the uniform school. Girls have to wear a plaid skirt (which is a nearly identical plaid to my old high school field hockey kit) or a jumper, which I’m sure is much more expensive than the Old Navy and Gap dresses I tend to buy from the sale and clearance racks. Kate refused to wear her current school’s sweatshirt for their field trip (literally the only day they are required to wear it) so yeah, I’ve got some battles ahead of me. Kids can earn “free dress passes” for doing good deeds, or having zero tardy slips and during their birthday month, so I’m going to have to use the possibility of a free dress pass as an incentive to get her out of the house on time in the morning. 

She’s also totally warm blooded. I gave up on nagging her about wearing a jacket in the morning, as I figure experience is more effective -let her discover that it is cold out and a jacket is in order. Nope. She’s not cold and we end up carrying her jacket back and forth to school. Her father wears shorts in the dead of [California] winter, so maybe she inherited it from him. 

Night time Potty training: We had a slight setback in October when she would climb into my bed in the morning.. and then pee in my bed. I started taking her to the potty when she was trying to get into our bed and then after a few weeks, I found she was sleeping through the night (and sometimes in her bed) while staying dry.

Likes: She has become quite the hostess. I was cutting vegetable for my lunches one week and she decided to host a party. She found some old paper plates from her birthday parties, set them up around the house and serves my carrots and cut peppers (after I had weighed and bagged them -sigh) She even grabbed some plastic cups and filled them with ice and water. I decided to let her run with it as it was keeping her occupied for more than an hour. However, I discovered I had let the game go too far, when she was devastated that her friends weren’t able to come over to her spur of the moment party and she was even more mad when I re-purposed the water glasses to the cat’s water bowl. Recently, she wanted to make a fruit plate for dessert and insisted on arranging the strawberries and raspberries in a circle and wanted yoghurt for a dipping sauce.. 

She also loves her bath time and will happily play with her toys for almost an hour. Bath time has replaced nap time for Mommy’s time to get stuff done. She is pretty good at entertaining herself and playing independently at times. We refer to this as Kate being in ‘the zone’. You do not disturb Kate when she is in the zone. You do not talk to her, you sneak by her so she is not distracted. You never know how long she will last in the zone, so you make the most of it when she is there. 

Activities: She’s enrolled in soccer through her school and after skipping a session, I’ll sign her up for Spanish classes again. Although she resists when I try to speak Spanish with her, according to her teacher, she loves it and asks her for Spanish words outside of the class. After our major setback with swimming this summer, she’s really progressed in the past few weeks and is taking some strokes independently. Most of all, there is no resistance. She asks, “is tonight swimming?” Almost every night when I pick her up from school and when she gets out of the pool she tells me “Swimming is Awesome! I love Swimming!” Gymnastic has been more of a challenge. Her previous teacher, who was the head of the toddler program and was absolutely amazing moved out of the area, so she had a string of subs while they were trying to find a replacement. Most of the instructors were good, just not as good as her previous teacher. Toward the end of last year, she got moved up to the 4 year old class and the teacher is a great instructor. He is a also a transgender male, which has led us to engage in some conversations about gender identity. This coach also started the gym’s first gender fluid classes where the participants can learn any apparatus they want. Girls won’t be told they can’t do rings because it’s a boy’s event. Boys can do the balance beam.  I’ve started gearing her to some specific goals; traversing the ‘rainbow bars’ (for some reason she doesn’t like to call them monkey bars) I also started an online course for handstand push ups and one of the features is that if you post videos on their private Facebook page, the coaches with critique you. I’ve been trying to get Kate to do handstand walks while I do my work and I once posted a video of her and asked someone in the group to indulge her with a comment. When I showed her how many people “liked” her work, she was determined to get better. Welcome to parenting in 2020! 

Looking forward to: It’s going to be a busy year. Once it gets a bit warmer, I want to take Kate for some training runs with a goal to actually have her run/walk a 5K in April. We’ll visit my parents during her spring break and we’re going back to Hawaii in August just before school starts. I should start thinking about her fifth birthday party, which she wants a Frozen theme. It’s going to hit me pretty hard, she’s no longer my baby and she won’t be a toddler anymore. As much as I sometimes resent her clinginess, I’m also preparing myself that she’ll want more independence. She won’t want as many hugs or cuddles. She’ll sleep in her bed all night, and I miss waking up next to her in the morning. I’m looking forward to the next chapters, but dreading them at the same time.