The title of the blog is a line from the HBO series Boardwalk Empire. The blog itself details how I discovered that fertility was not mine to command...
Sunday, 13 December 2015
Five Months
Well, I've managed to survive one month as a working mom. Going back to work wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. After a few days, I didn't feel as rusty, and while I won't say I'm enjoying being back at work, I discovered there were some aspects that I missed. In some ways, it's easier. I've been doing my job for thirteen years, I've only been a mother for five months. It feels more comfortable, so much so that I actually don't think about Jate too much during work. Wow, that sounds like a horrible thing to say. I do feel a greater sense of urgency to get out of the office each day, so I can go home and soak up every minute with her. I've lamented that I don't have the type of job that allows me to work from home, but that's not entirely accurate. For years, I've resisted having access to our EHR from home, as I didn't want to cross my work life and my home life. Now it's a necessary evil. I can catch up on my charting after she goes to sleep and when the clock strikes five-thirty, I'm out of the office like Fred Flinstone leaving the Quarry.
In her book, Bossypants, Tina Fey reveals how she resents the question, 'how do you juggle it all?' as she feels it's code for 'you're fucking something up aren't you?' So here are my failures as a working mom. We've been eating more processed food. On Sunday I'll try to make something like a meatloaf or a Sheppard's pie, so we'll have leftovers for another meal. I also made a double batch of beef stew and chicken Chipolte stew over the Thanksgiving break, so we can just defrost one of those for an easy, but homemade dinner. My friend Amy gave me the tip of using frozen vegtables; because, hey, they're still vegtables. Sadly, Skillet Sensations and Safe.way frozen fish can become weekly staples. I haven't made it to the pool since I left for Connecticut. I don't think it will happen until she can reliably sleep later in the morning. I'm telling myself that I wouldn't want to swim because it's so cold, but I really do miss it. I also haven't made it to the gym in a while. I had negotiated to reduce my lunch to half an hour, so I can leave by 5 PM, but that won't take effect until the new year. I went last week when I was still in the thick of my cold, and the workout kicked my ass and then came back to kick it some more. The holidays are also consuming quite a bit of time. In addition to doing our usual weekend errands, Jate and I spent last Sunday stopping for Myrtle's family. My evenings were spent making photo collages for the grandparents, and wrapping the presents to prepare for shipping. Husband offered to take the packages to the post office, so he can say that he helped with Christmas. Not that I'm sounding ungrateful, as I appreciated having one less thing to do. One less. Okay, time to stop whining and remember how fortunate I am to have this wonderful little person in my life. These five months have been awesome.
Nicknames: Button, Muffin, Little bunny, Cup Kate, Beef Kate
Stats: 15 lbs 11 oz height 25.5 inches
Eating: We are dragging our heels on starting solids, but we're finally gearing up for it. As in, we're finally getting the required gear. I picked up some bowls and spoons and a box of rice cereal. We ordered a high chair from Ama.zon, and the box is still sitting in the hallway. Maybe we'll get around to it next weekend, or maybe we'll wait until my parents arrive. There have been a few occasions when I've kept her on my lap while I'm eating, and she seems interested, but not overly keen. I've decided I'm not going to do the Baby-led Weaning thing. Mostly, because I don't fully understand it, and when I was reading about it, the source said it can involve wasted food and can make a mess. Two things, I don't really like. I spend about an hour each week preparing my lunch by chopping up veggies into snack baggies and scooping yoghurt and jello into plastic containers, so preparing baby food will fit into my routine.
Teeth: None yet. Not anxious for this either.
Sleeping: Every night leading up to her four month birthday was met with trepidation, when would we stumble into the Four Month Sleep Regression? We got our first glimpse while we were in Connecticut, on my mother's projected "night of hell". She would wake up, we'd pick her up and she'd fall asleep in our arms within seconds. Then, the moment we placed her back in bed, no matter how gingerly, her eyes opened wide and she would start to wail. This went on for over two hours, before we were finally able to put her down without the rebound wakefulness. The next night, she went back to sleeping through the night, so we figured it was a fluke, or she and my mother are conspiring to make me crazy. However, when we returned to California, she gave us another night of waking as soon as her head touched the bed. After an hour of this fight, I surrendered. We were scheduled to take her for her baby photo shoot and I didn't want a cranky, overtired baby on the set. I took her to bed with me and let her sleep on the Bop.py, while I dozed as well. Later that day, we took her for her four month vaccinations and she slept through the night. Now, I finally understood why some parents want to space their kids shots, it's so everyone can get some sleep. The night leading into my first day back to work, she started waking at least once during the night. We did our usual routine, Husband gets up to change her and then I feed her. She would fall asleep rather quickly and then easily transition back to her bassinett. One morning while Husband was reminiscing on how nice it was when she slept through the night, I had to remind him that we were spoilt, and honestly getting up once during the night isn't too bad.
Then one day, Lena, my swim teammate who has a baby exactly one month older than Jate, shared how they successfully sleep trained their baby to sleep 12 hours straight. She relayed that her pediatrician said since she could sleep through the night, the nursing is more for comfort and habit. This made sense, so we tried to put her back to sleep without nursing one night and fought with her from 2:30 to 3:30 before I gave in and offered the boob. She chomped down as if she hadn't eaten in days. Then I remembered that she did miss a feeding that day. It was 4 AM by the time I successfully got her back into her bed. I climbed into my bed and Tyler decided to walk in circles around me. After twenty minutes of waiting for him to settle, I kicked him off the bed and it took me another 30 minutes to finally fall asleep -for a restful 45 minutes before my alarm rang. I kept thinking that I could have had a decent night's sleep if only I nursed her right from the start. I contacted the nurse who ran our new parents group and she thought that Jate may be hungrier as she is more active during day care and is going through this developmental leap. This also made sense, but I had confess that we may just be taking the easy way out and may pay for this later.
Thus, we came up with a new strategery. If she wakes up before midnight, we'll sleep train her until she goes back to sleep; if she wakes up after midnight, we'll feed and hope for a quick transition back to her basinett. We felt this was a good compromise as she would be learning to put herself back to sleep, and we'd make sure we got some sleep after the wee morning hours and would keep our sanity. Then one night she woke up at 11:30. We got so close to achieving slumber by the arbitrary midnight deadline; she would sleep for a few minutes, then wake up again. We gave it to 12:30, before I gave in and nursed. I thought for sure this inconsistent action would totally set her back, but at press time, she's slept through the night for the past two nights. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Likes: My in-laws got her a new activity centre, which she really enjoyed the first time we placed her in it. However, she's caught on to us. She's figured out that we're hoping she entertains herself so that we can get some chores done, so it has fallen out of favour. In turn, she's developed a new appreciation for the Baby Bj.orn as it allows her to stay close to Mummy while she's cleaning. She's reached out and pet Tyler a few times, so I think we can add him to the likes column.
Dislikes: Socks. She really can't stand wearing socks or anything on her feet. She's figured out how to brace the toe of the sock with one foot and pull her foot out, or she'll grab the sock with her hand and will wiggle her foot free. Since it's been pretty chilly, I've been keeping her in pants that have covered feet. I'm waiting until she figures out how to take her pants off.
Diapers: Still size 3 Pamp.ers and still in cloth during the day. Every evening when I have to scrub her diaper covers, I feel reminded that there is a not so glamuorous aspect to saving the planet.
Clothes: Solidly into 6 month size. I finally cleaned out all the three month onesies from her dresser.
Milestones: Finally rolled over from back to front! After getting so close for so many weeks, at last she figured it out. Husband was changing her, when she rolled on to her side and then decided to grab the edge of the changing table and used her upper body to pull herself over. The next day, I was out running some errands and she fell asleep in the car. I attempted to transition her from the infant seat to her crib. She woke up, but was quietly playing with her Wubanubb, which allowed me to put away the groceries, so I considered it a win. I went out to the garage to throw some milk in the chest freezer when I heard her start screaming. I ran into her room and found her faceplanted. Okay, now that we can check off this milestone, you don't ever have to do it again.
Health Issues: We made it four weeks into day care before she contracted her first cold. I was really trying not to make a big deal out of it, but Husband and my aunt convinced me to take her to the pediatrician. I felt validated when our pediatrician shared that he once thought his son merely had a cold, but when his wife took him to be evaluated, he was admitted with pneumonia. As to be expected, Husband and I both got sick as well. My mother commented that she and my father had some of their worst colds when I was little; you have to build up immunity to day care germs. She wasn't kidding. This cold knocked me on my ass. We had to keep her out of day care until she was afebrile for 24 hours, and since Husband had a day trip to Denver, I had to stay home with her. The concept of taking a sick day was blowing my mind. If I didn't have her, I would have pushed on and went to work.
Looking forward to: This is after the fact, but all week I was looking forward to date night on Saturday! Our day care provides baby sitting one night a month. 5:00-10:30 for $40. It's a steal compared to the rates of most local sitters. We decided to do the classic, dinner and a movie, so we could finally see the latest Bond film. We tried a new restaurant only to discover that the food wasn't great. Spectre was rather disappointing, and the Warriors lost. Still it was great to have some time just for ourselves. I'm looking forward to my parents visiting for Christmas. I know Jate won't be aware of what is going on, but it will be fun to see my parents with her. Okay, I also admit that I'm looking forward to having them watch her so I can go the the gym and to swimming. Oh, while I'm confessing, I'm also looking forward to having some home cooked meals by my parents. It's going to be like having a personal chef for two weeks! Just one more full week of work, then I'll have a four day week, a three day week and a two day week. Not that I'm counting down or anything...
Monday, 7 December 2015
The Grandparent Effect
She sits like a viper, and offers a clock without giving a damn....
Except I did give a damn. It was my first Christmas with then-boyfriend-now-Husband, and I wanted to make a good impression on his parents. I spent hours walking up and down and in and out of every store on the High Street before choosing a carriage clock at Deb.enhams. My now in-laws accepted it graciously, despite the fact that they had at least three carriage clocks in their front room alone. It now gives me a sense of satisfaction to know that a carriage clock is considered to be the gift to give when you don't give a damn.
While I was living in England, I could handle my in-laws in small doses. A dinner or Sunday lunch now and then, each encounter would only last a few hours. When Husband and I moved to the States, we would visit them for at least a week. As soon as we would arrive, my Mother-in-Law (MIL) would ask about my work, my parents, my cat and Myrtle. That would be it. We would run out of conversation at that point. Both his parents had retired, my MIL worked in a cafeteria and my FIL was a builder. They didn't travel and don't have any hobbies. As we were planning our wedding, I discovered something that I had long suspected; my in-laws don't have any friends. The only guests they invited were my MIL's cousin and her husband, their neighbour and the lone friend of my FIL, who has since moved to Scotland and they haven't spoken since our wedding, which was almost ten years ago. They are incredible socially awkward. When you try to talk to my MIL, she just comments "that's nice", which pretty much shuts down the conversation, but I think that's her go-to response as she really doesn't have much to add to the discussion. My FIL and I have long accepted that we have nothing to say to each other and have since stopped making any effort. I just can't escape the thought that we merely exist in each others' lives because I happen to be married to their son.
Those visits are so painful as 'spending time with his parents' involves sitting around their living room; not surprising, the layout of the sofas is not conducive to engaging in conversation. We all sit in silence, which is almost as agonising as watching the morning chats shows that are playing on the telly. Husband brings his laptop, so he can stay on top of his work. I started bringing journal articles to read, and I can bang out a lot of CME credits during these visits. When the cabin fever sets in, and I'm about to go stir-crazy, I'll go for a run, begging my feet to carry me one more mile so I can delay going back into the house of awkward silence. There are other reasons I feel so uncomfortable around my in-laws. They wait on Husband hand and foot and his behaviour regresses. He can leave dirty dishes on the dinner table, because they'll clean up after him. Many years ago, long before we were married, he called his mother a "lazy cow" and his father a "dickhead" and tried to explain to me that this is how they speak to each other. (accurate, but that's not the point) I was horrified that someone I was dating could speak to his parents in such a derogatory way, but more so, it made my question why his parents would tolerate such talk. To this day, if I spoke that way to my parents, even in jest, I would get smacked across the face. Yet, despite the fact that I blame them for most of Husband's faults, I appreciate that he could be so much worse!
Last month we travelled to Connecticut to visit with my parents and Husband's parents, since it was a shorter flight for them and would give them an opportunity to meet Kate. Conversing with my in-laws is even harder now. They both speak so softly that it is hard to hear what they are saying. After the second time of asking them to repeat, you just pretend that you understood and nod, or just say "that's nice." My FIL has profound hearing loss and wears hearing aides, which truly makes me feel badly as Helen Keller described that it is worse to be deaf than blind. "Blindness separates you from things, but deafness separates you from people." I asked my MIL to recount what Husband said when he called to announce Jate's arrival. "Oh. I can't remember." Thus, that attempt at conversation was shut down. On a Sunday afternoon, I informed my FIL that we found the channel that was broadcasting the Formula One race (his only interest). "Well, that's no good. [my MIL] doesn't like to watch it" was his way of saying 'thank you' as I'm sure he considers that my MIL doesn't like Formula One racing when he watching it every weekend back at home. I asked if he was happy with the success of the English driver. "He's such a wanker. He'll cut in front of another driver and will do anything to win." Um, I thought that was the point of the racing. Okay, I'll just stop trying...Husband called his father out for the real reason why he doesn't like that driver; he's coloured. Yes, my FIL still uses that term.
I had other concerns about my in-laws being around Jate. I didn't want them to change her as I don't think they have the reflexes to stop her from rolling off the makeshift changing table. I didn't want them to take her for a walk in her pram as I feared they wouldn't cross the street in time on the blind corner in front of my parents house. I let them give her bottles, but I had to watch carefully as Jate would nearly wiggle out of my FIL's lap. They did seem to truly enjoy their time with her, and I hope she has a meaningful relationship with them despite my distain. I recall that when I was 10 or 12, I could sense the tension between my paternal grandmother and my mother. I vividly remember when I heard my maternal grandfather made a racist comment. I was filled with a profound sense of disappointment. I also recall my mother instructing my grandfather not to use such words in front of me, or she threatened that we would no longer visit them. I wonder if I should have such a conversation with my FIL.
I also fear/acknowledge that Jate will regard my parents as the "fun grandparents" compared to my in-laws. It's inevitable, not just due to their personalities; my parents are younger and in very good health for their age. They have lots of friends, they travel, my mother knits and runs a dominos club. They can't wait to take Jate to Disneyland. I worry that they may try to spoil her, and I may have to have that awkward conversation with them. My friend Amy instructed her mother not to buy her daughter too many presents for Christmas last year, but her mother went overboard. As she threatened to do, Amy opened all the gifts, selected a few for her daughter and gave the rest to Toys for Tots. Yet, at the same time, it's spoiling (just a bit) part of the grandparent experience?
We had some other incidents with my parents during the trip. My dad locked Jate inside the car. It's a story we can laugh about now. My mother and I went shopping and my father stayed in the car with Jate, who was sleeping in her car seat. When we finished, we found my dad frantically pacing around the car. Jate started to stir, and my dad sprang into action by opening the driver's door and he accidentally hit the auto lock button. Jate feel back asleep by the time my dad discovered he was locked out. He called 911 and within 20 minutes some very nice [looking] firemen showed up and used their big hook to grab the keys off the passenger seat and retrieve them through the partially cracked open window. Jate slept through the whole ordeal. We thanked the firemen and my mom asked if they wanted to see the baby they rescued. It was quite precious to see a group of buff and burly firemen coo and aww over a baby. Husband wanted to put my dad 'on probation', but I thought that was over reacting. I didn't really freak out over it. The end result wasn't any different if my mother and I had spent twenty more minutes in the store. Plus, I knew my dad felt like shit and if I over reacted, he'd only feel worse.
As it turns out, my mother is far more dangerous with a car. We travelled to Pennsylvania to visit my mother's sister and naturally Jate woke up just as we passed the last rest stop in New Jersey. Jate was screaming her head off as we were counting the miles until the next stop. "Can you change her in her car seat? my mother asked. Um, no. Putting aside the fact that I would have to partially detach her from the protection afforded by her 5-point harness, I wouldn't be at an angle where I could effectively change and clean her. Jate continued to scream even louder as then next stop was still 15 miles away. "Can you hold her?" my mother asked. Um, No. Fuck NO! I couldn't believe my mother was suggesting that I would allow my daughter to be an unrestrained passenger in a moving vechile. Then again, I don't think she's aware of the fact that half she shit she did with me back in the 70s would get written up by CPS today.
Yet the ultimate moment that got under my skin also came courtesy of my mother. We took a day trip up to Boston to watch Husband umpire and not surprisingly, Jate slept the entire time she was in the car. It also happened to coincide with her usual nap time and she slept just over two and a half hours. When we arrived, my mother commented. "Oh, she's had a long nap. You're in for a night of hell." Firstly, that's flawed logic. Sleep begets sleep. A woman at my gym who is a mother of twins gave us the advice, "if you want your baby to sleep at night; make sure she sleeps during the day." I'm much more concerned about whether or not she'll sleep at night if she doesn't nap well during the day. Secondly, who the hell says that to a new mother? Thirdly, who the hell says that in such a sing-song tone that is practically punctuated with a smiley face emoticon. I was so hoping that if there were ever a night where Jate slept soundly, it would be that night, so I would have the pleasure of proving my mother wrong. Unfortunately, Jate must be in cahoots with my mother as she woke up at 1 AM and didn't go back to sleep until 3:30. The comment pissed me off the first time I heard it and every time Jate cried, it pissed me off all over again. Weeks later, I still hear my mother's words haunting me when Jate wakes up in the middle of the night. It's become my Raven.
-Belle and Sebastain 'Take Your Carriage Clock and Shove It'
Except I did give a damn. It was my first Christmas with then-boyfriend-now-Husband, and I wanted to make a good impression on his parents. I spent hours walking up and down and in and out of every store on the High Street before choosing a carriage clock at Deb.enhams. My now in-laws accepted it graciously, despite the fact that they had at least three carriage clocks in their front room alone. It now gives me a sense of satisfaction to know that a carriage clock is considered to be the gift to give when you don't give a damn.
While I was living in England, I could handle my in-laws in small doses. A dinner or Sunday lunch now and then, each encounter would only last a few hours. When Husband and I moved to the States, we would visit them for at least a week. As soon as we would arrive, my Mother-in-Law (MIL) would ask about my work, my parents, my cat and Myrtle. That would be it. We would run out of conversation at that point. Both his parents had retired, my MIL worked in a cafeteria and my FIL was a builder. They didn't travel and don't have any hobbies. As we were planning our wedding, I discovered something that I had long suspected; my in-laws don't have any friends. The only guests they invited were my MIL's cousin and her husband, their neighbour and the lone friend of my FIL, who has since moved to Scotland and they haven't spoken since our wedding, which was almost ten years ago. They are incredible socially awkward. When you try to talk to my MIL, she just comments "that's nice", which pretty much shuts down the conversation, but I think that's her go-to response as she really doesn't have much to add to the discussion. My FIL and I have long accepted that we have nothing to say to each other and have since stopped making any effort. I just can't escape the thought that we merely exist in each others' lives because I happen to be married to their son.
Those visits are so painful as 'spending time with his parents' involves sitting around their living room; not surprising, the layout of the sofas is not conducive to engaging in conversation. We all sit in silence, which is almost as agonising as watching the morning chats shows that are playing on the telly. Husband brings his laptop, so he can stay on top of his work. I started bringing journal articles to read, and I can bang out a lot of CME credits during these visits. When the cabin fever sets in, and I'm about to go stir-crazy, I'll go for a run, begging my feet to carry me one more mile so I can delay going back into the house of awkward silence. There are other reasons I feel so uncomfortable around my in-laws. They wait on Husband hand and foot and his behaviour regresses. He can leave dirty dishes on the dinner table, because they'll clean up after him. Many years ago, long before we were married, he called his mother a "lazy cow" and his father a "dickhead" and tried to explain to me that this is how they speak to each other. (accurate, but that's not the point) I was horrified that someone I was dating could speak to his parents in such a derogatory way, but more so, it made my question why his parents would tolerate such talk. To this day, if I spoke that way to my parents, even in jest, I would get smacked across the face. Yet, despite the fact that I blame them for most of Husband's faults, I appreciate that he could be so much worse!
Last month we travelled to Connecticut to visit with my parents and Husband's parents, since it was a shorter flight for them and would give them an opportunity to meet Kate. Conversing with my in-laws is even harder now. They both speak so softly that it is hard to hear what they are saying. After the second time of asking them to repeat, you just pretend that you understood and nod, or just say "that's nice." My FIL has profound hearing loss and wears hearing aides, which truly makes me feel badly as Helen Keller described that it is worse to be deaf than blind. "Blindness separates you from things, but deafness separates you from people." I asked my MIL to recount what Husband said when he called to announce Jate's arrival. "Oh. I can't remember." Thus, that attempt at conversation was shut down. On a Sunday afternoon, I informed my FIL that we found the channel that was broadcasting the Formula One race (his only interest). "Well, that's no good. [my MIL] doesn't like to watch it" was his way of saying 'thank you' as I'm sure he considers that my MIL doesn't like Formula One racing when he watching it every weekend back at home. I asked if he was happy with the success of the English driver. "He's such a wanker. He'll cut in front of another driver and will do anything to win." Um, I thought that was the point of the racing. Okay, I'll just stop trying...Husband called his father out for the real reason why he doesn't like that driver; he's coloured. Yes, my FIL still uses that term.
I had other concerns about my in-laws being around Jate. I didn't want them to change her as I don't think they have the reflexes to stop her from rolling off the makeshift changing table. I didn't want them to take her for a walk in her pram as I feared they wouldn't cross the street in time on the blind corner in front of my parents house. I let them give her bottles, but I had to watch carefully as Jate would nearly wiggle out of my FIL's lap. They did seem to truly enjoy their time with her, and I hope she has a meaningful relationship with them despite my distain. I recall that when I was 10 or 12, I could sense the tension between my paternal grandmother and my mother. I vividly remember when I heard my maternal grandfather made a racist comment. I was filled with a profound sense of disappointment. I also recall my mother instructing my grandfather not to use such words in front of me, or she threatened that we would no longer visit them. I wonder if I should have such a conversation with my FIL.
I also fear/acknowledge that Jate will regard my parents as the "fun grandparents" compared to my in-laws. It's inevitable, not just due to their personalities; my parents are younger and in very good health for their age. They have lots of friends, they travel, my mother knits and runs a dominos club. They can't wait to take Jate to Disneyland. I worry that they may try to spoil her, and I may have to have that awkward conversation with them. My friend Amy instructed her mother not to buy her daughter too many presents for Christmas last year, but her mother went overboard. As she threatened to do, Amy opened all the gifts, selected a few for her daughter and gave the rest to Toys for Tots. Yet, at the same time, it's spoiling (just a bit) part of the grandparent experience?
We had some other incidents with my parents during the trip. My dad locked Jate inside the car. It's a story we can laugh about now. My mother and I went shopping and my father stayed in the car with Jate, who was sleeping in her car seat. When we finished, we found my dad frantically pacing around the car. Jate started to stir, and my dad sprang into action by opening the driver's door and he accidentally hit the auto lock button. Jate feel back asleep by the time my dad discovered he was locked out. He called 911 and within 20 minutes some very nice [looking] firemen showed up and used their big hook to grab the keys off the passenger seat and retrieve them through the partially cracked open window. Jate slept through the whole ordeal. We thanked the firemen and my mom asked if they wanted to see the baby they rescued. It was quite precious to see a group of buff and burly firemen coo and aww over a baby. Husband wanted to put my dad 'on probation', but I thought that was over reacting. I didn't really freak out over it. The end result wasn't any different if my mother and I had spent twenty more minutes in the store. Plus, I knew my dad felt like shit and if I over reacted, he'd only feel worse.
As it turns out, my mother is far more dangerous with a car. We travelled to Pennsylvania to visit my mother's sister and naturally Jate woke up just as we passed the last rest stop in New Jersey. Jate was screaming her head off as we were counting the miles until the next stop. "Can you change her in her car seat? my mother asked. Um, no. Putting aside the fact that I would have to partially detach her from the protection afforded by her 5-point harness, I wouldn't be at an angle where I could effectively change and clean her. Jate continued to scream even louder as then next stop was still 15 miles away. "Can you hold her?" my mother asked. Um, No. Fuck NO! I couldn't believe my mother was suggesting that I would allow my daughter to be an unrestrained passenger in a moving vechile. Then again, I don't think she's aware of the fact that half she shit she did with me back in the 70s would get written up by CPS today.
This rings oh, so true.
Yet the ultimate moment that got under my skin also came courtesy of my mother. We took a day trip up to Boston to watch Husband umpire and not surprisingly, Jate slept the entire time she was in the car. It also happened to coincide with her usual nap time and she slept just over two and a half hours. When we arrived, my mother commented. "Oh, she's had a long nap. You're in for a night of hell." Firstly, that's flawed logic. Sleep begets sleep. A woman at my gym who is a mother of twins gave us the advice, "if you want your baby to sleep at night; make sure she sleeps during the day." I'm much more concerned about whether or not she'll sleep at night if she doesn't nap well during the day. Secondly, who the hell says that to a new mother? Thirdly, who the hell says that in such a sing-song tone that is practically punctuated with a smiley face emoticon. I was so hoping that if there were ever a night where Jate slept soundly, it would be that night, so I would have the pleasure of proving my mother wrong. Unfortunately, Jate must be in cahoots with my mother as she woke up at 1 AM and didn't go back to sleep until 3:30. The comment pissed me off the first time I heard it and every time Jate cried, it pissed me off all over again. Weeks later, I still hear my mother's words haunting me when Jate wakes up in the middle of the night. It's become my Raven.
Wednesday, 2 December 2015
Autumn Day in the Life
Oh my, how much has changed since my last Day in the Life update.
Here's a review from last Tuesday
0515 Hear Jate start to stir. Check the clock to see the time. We'll count this as sleeping through the night
0520 Husband is now awake and is checking his phone
0530 Apparently he was waiting for me to tell him when to get up and change our baby who is happily babbling
0531 Contemplate if I want to get up and brush my teeth, or stay in bed. Staying in bed wins over dental hygiene.
0540 Husband returns with Jate and hands her over to nurse. I really love that I don't have to get out of bed to feed our baby.
0541 I reflect that this is the time I would be leaving for swimming and wonder if I ever will swim in the morning again. Until she starts sleeping later, I don't think it will be soon. I check the current temperature on my phone, which reports that it's 48 degrees. My personal rule is that I don't swim if it's under 50, so I would have missed this morning anyway.
0600ish drift off for a little cat nap
0630 Alarm rings. Jate is asleep on the bop.py. Gently transfer her to her bassinet
0645 Finished showering and return to the bedroom. Apparently Jate woke up about ten minutes after I put her down. Husband is having her do some tummy time on the Bop.py.
0650 In the kitchen. Boil water for Oatmeal and cup of Mother's Milk tea. Turn on the Kurig. Feed the cats.
0653 Bring Husband a cup of coffee, since he's entertaining Jate
0655 Sit down for breakfast and check emails, Facebook and blogs
0705 Throw breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, wash last night's pump parts
0706 Place Jate's bottles into the carrier bag (aka, my old lunch bag). Carefully test for potential leaks. We use Joovy Boob bottles, which are really good, but you can't over tighten them, or else they will leak. This is what happens when you spend two hours touring bbB with the registry consultant. You become so paunchy that you revert back to adolescence. Tee Hee-Hee. It's called Boob. We'll take it.
0710 Return to bathroom to dry hair, put in contacts and apply a little makeup. Bring ipad along as I need it to keep track of time.
0730 Husband starts to work on getting Jate dresses for the day
0745 I finish getting dressed while Husband fastens her into the infant seat. Next I round up my purse, my keys, my pump bag, my gym bag, my lunch bag, Jate's bottle bag, her day care bag, my water bottle and my phone. Husband brings Jate out to the car, as the bag lady can barely fit through the door. Really glad we have the attached garage for this purpose.
0753 Ready to depart. Press the button to open the garage door before backing out the car.
0758 Arrive at day care. Sign in and fill out her daily report card indicating when she woke and when she last ate. Hand over her bottles and cloth diaper supplies for the day.
0800 Kiss her one last time before placing her in the arms of the attendant.
0802 Back in the car to leave for work.
0823 Arrive at my desk. My medical assistant picked up a cup of coffee for me. "It was supposed to be on your first day back, but today was the first morning I had any extra time." she explains. Dude, she has three kids to get ready each morning. I'm amazed that she makes it to work every day! I'm truly lucky to work with someone so organized and so thoughtful.
0825 There is a quiet room near my desk, which has been established as the official pumping room. I plug in the pump and attach the tubing, so we're all ready to go. This only takes about thirty seconds, but it will feel like it's saving me minutes later.
0830 Log in to my computer at exactly 8:30 as I'm sure some bean counter is keeping track of this.
0835 My medical assistant and I do a run-down of the patients on the day's schedule. She informs me that we received a request from a primary care provider to see a patient with a "possible miscarriage." Records were faxed. She was seen in the ER last week and there was a small questionable gestational sac seen in the uterus, and she had a large 8 cm adnexal mass. Her HCG went from 3385 to 4350. Seriously, why did this primary care provider wait this long to refer her? I have to squeeze her into my schedule today. It always seems that ectopics come in around a long weekend.
0840 I send an email message to a patient I saw yesterday. She had yet another miscarriage and I wanted to check in to see if she made a decision about her management options. I closed the message with the words, "I hate that you have to make these decisions."
1002 I have a break from 10:00 - 10:15 for pumping, but I'm already behind. I haven't even seen my 9:45 patient. However if I don't pump now, I won't get another chance to do so this morning. My medical assistant notices that the 9:45 patient needs a second trimester blood draw. It will make good use of her time, but I'm still going to be even further behind.
1005 While pumping I check my patient emails. The miscarriage patient would like to use misoprostol and she does want to do products of conception testing. I leave a message for the rep at XYZ lab inquiring about their hours for the holiday weekend. Just before I left for maternity leave, we decided to stop using XYZ's brand of NIPT. This call could be awkward.
1015 Finish pumping. Managed 6 ounces.
1100 Notice that I have a voice mail on my mobile phone. I gave the XYZ rep my personal phone number, because after three years I still have no idea how to use the voicemail on my desk phone. The lab will be closed on Thanksgiving, but open on Friday. They do have an after hours storage area, so if the specimen goes out on Wednesday, it will be fine to sit for a day and then will be processed on Friday. I email this info to my patient along with the misoprostol instructions and I call the meds into her pharmacy.
1115 I was hoping that my 22 year old annual GYN patient would no-show. No such luck.
1205 Finally finish with my morning patients. I catch up with Co-worker. We were supposed to go to her house for dinner over the weekend, but she cancelled as her kids were sick. She reports that they have croup on top of a cold. Really glad we gave the dinner a miss.
1225 Heat up my lunch and scarf it down as I finish my charts from the morning.
1307 Remember that I added the potential ectopic patient into my schedule at 1:15. Quickly get set up to pump
1310 Notice that the patient arrived early to complete her paperwork as instructed. Will only pump for 10 minutes, whatever I get during that time is what I get.
1320 My medical assistant finishes rooming the patient. She reports that she had been trying to get pregnant for a long time.
1325 There is a single viable intrauterine pregnancy measuring 6 weeks and 1 day. The adnexa mass is likely a hemorrhagic cyst or an endometrioma. I suspect it has been present for a while. It's a Pre-Thanksgiving miracle! I'm not sure what to make of her low rising quant. We'll see her back in one week
1415 Check my patient emails. The miscarriage patient sent a message thanking me for being so responsive and she wishes me a Happy Thanksgiving. It's really satisfying to know my work is appreciated. It still always amazes me that some patients can be so gracious even when they are going through something so difficult.
1645 Finish with my patients and I only have a few phone calls to clear. I'm going to make it to the gym! It's another Pre-Thanksgiving miracle!
1650 Complete my charting as I pump. Change into my gym clothes.
1715 Gather the milk from the fridge and head out of the office as quickly as I can.
1728 Arrive at the gym in time for warm-ups. This is a rare event.
1730 There are wall balls in today's WOD. My legs still hurt from the last time we did wall balls. I went back to using the 14 pound ball, (I was using the 10 pound ball while I was pregnant) my what a difference 4 pounds can make!
1850 Back at home. Quickly change out of my gym clothes as Jate is waiting to be fed. I feed her while Husband prepares her bottles for the next day and washes my pump parts.
1915 Prepare dinner. Microwave leftover Sheppard's Pie and serve with salad. It's technically a home cooked meal.
1920 Shovel down dinner as Jate plays on the playmat
1935 Draw a bath for Jate while Husband cleans up the dinner plates.
1940 Jate enjoys splashing in the tub. She's almost getting too big for the infant insert, but she can't quite sit by herself long enough
1950 Dry Jate off with her duck head hooded towel. I'm convinced that the reason for having kids is so you can use the duck head hooded towels
2000 In the interest of time, I read her stories while we nurse
2020 She's drifted off asleep. I recently read that I'll have to stop letting her fall asleep while nursing once she gets teeth. I inherited bad teeth from my father, so there's a chance she could get that from me. Then again, I'm not a good role model for dental care.
2025 Successful transfer to her basinet
2030 Pack my pump bag and Jate's day care bag with some extra clothes and cloth diaper covers. Discover that Husband has packed my lunch for me. I spend Sunday afternoon cutting up fruit and vegetables into small containers, so I can quickly pack lunch each day. I check his work and only have to change a few things.
2031 We would normally go to bed at this point in time, but we watch our local basketball team continue their winning streak
2200 Go to bed. This is now defined as 'staying up late'
2300 My alarm goes off. Time to go pump.
0200 The pump alarm goes off again
0430 Now the Jate alarm is going off. Husband and I are both exhausted from staying up so late. We decided to play the 'let's wait a few minutes to see if she goes back to sleep' game.
0545 Apparently, it worked. We all fell back asleep. Time to start another day.
Here's a review from last Tuesday
0515 Hear Jate start to stir. Check the clock to see the time. We'll count this as sleeping through the night
0520 Husband is now awake and is checking his phone
0530 Apparently he was waiting for me to tell him when to get up and change our baby who is happily babbling
0531 Contemplate if I want to get up and brush my teeth, or stay in bed. Staying in bed wins over dental hygiene.
0540 Husband returns with Jate and hands her over to nurse. I really love that I don't have to get out of bed to feed our baby.
0541 I reflect that this is the time I would be leaving for swimming and wonder if I ever will swim in the morning again. Until she starts sleeping later, I don't think it will be soon. I check the current temperature on my phone, which reports that it's 48 degrees. My personal rule is that I don't swim if it's under 50, so I would have missed this morning anyway.
0600ish drift off for a little cat nap
0630 Alarm rings. Jate is asleep on the bop.py. Gently transfer her to her bassinet
0645 Finished showering and return to the bedroom. Apparently Jate woke up about ten minutes after I put her down. Husband is having her do some tummy time on the Bop.py.
0650 In the kitchen. Boil water for Oatmeal and cup of Mother's Milk tea. Turn on the Kurig. Feed the cats.
0653 Bring Husband a cup of coffee, since he's entertaining Jate
0655 Sit down for breakfast and check emails, Facebook and blogs
0705 Throw breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, wash last night's pump parts
0706 Place Jate's bottles into the carrier bag (aka, my old lunch bag). Carefully test for potential leaks. We use Joovy Boob bottles, which are really good, but you can't over tighten them, or else they will leak. This is what happens when you spend two hours touring bbB with the registry consultant. You become so paunchy that you revert back to adolescence. Tee Hee-Hee. It's called Boob. We'll take it.
0710 Return to bathroom to dry hair, put in contacts and apply a little makeup. Bring ipad along as I need it to keep track of time.
0730 Husband starts to work on getting Jate dresses for the day
0745 I finish getting dressed while Husband fastens her into the infant seat. Next I round up my purse, my keys, my pump bag, my gym bag, my lunch bag, Jate's bottle bag, her day care bag, my water bottle and my phone. Husband brings Jate out to the car, as the bag lady can barely fit through the door. Really glad we have the attached garage for this purpose.
0753 Ready to depart. Press the button to open the garage door before backing out the car.
0758 Arrive at day care. Sign in and fill out her daily report card indicating when she woke and when she last ate. Hand over her bottles and cloth diaper supplies for the day.
0800 Kiss her one last time before placing her in the arms of the attendant.
0802 Back in the car to leave for work.
0823 Arrive at my desk. My medical assistant picked up a cup of coffee for me. "It was supposed to be on your first day back, but today was the first morning I had any extra time." she explains. Dude, she has three kids to get ready each morning. I'm amazed that she makes it to work every day! I'm truly lucky to work with someone so organized and so thoughtful.
0825 There is a quiet room near my desk, which has been established as the official pumping room. I plug in the pump and attach the tubing, so we're all ready to go. This only takes about thirty seconds, but it will feel like it's saving me minutes later.
0830 Log in to my computer at exactly 8:30 as I'm sure some bean counter is keeping track of this.
0835 My medical assistant and I do a run-down of the patients on the day's schedule. She informs me that we received a request from a primary care provider to see a patient with a "possible miscarriage." Records were faxed. She was seen in the ER last week and there was a small questionable gestational sac seen in the uterus, and she had a large 8 cm adnexal mass. Her HCG went from 3385 to 4350. Seriously, why did this primary care provider wait this long to refer her? I have to squeeze her into my schedule today. It always seems that ectopics come in around a long weekend.
0840 I send an email message to a patient I saw yesterday. She had yet another miscarriage and I wanted to check in to see if she made a decision about her management options. I closed the message with the words, "I hate that you have to make these decisions."
1002 I have a break from 10:00 - 10:15 for pumping, but I'm already behind. I haven't even seen my 9:45 patient. However if I don't pump now, I won't get another chance to do so this morning. My medical assistant notices that the 9:45 patient needs a second trimester blood draw. It will make good use of her time, but I'm still going to be even further behind.
1005 While pumping I check my patient emails. The miscarriage patient would like to use misoprostol and she does want to do products of conception testing. I leave a message for the rep at XYZ lab inquiring about their hours for the holiday weekend. Just before I left for maternity leave, we decided to stop using XYZ's brand of NIPT. This call could be awkward.
1015 Finish pumping. Managed 6 ounces.
1100 Notice that I have a voice mail on my mobile phone. I gave the XYZ rep my personal phone number, because after three years I still have no idea how to use the voicemail on my desk phone. The lab will be closed on Thanksgiving, but open on Friday. They do have an after hours storage area, so if the specimen goes out on Wednesday, it will be fine to sit for a day and then will be processed on Friday. I email this info to my patient along with the misoprostol instructions and I call the meds into her pharmacy.
1115 I was hoping that my 22 year old annual GYN patient would no-show. No such luck.
1205 Finally finish with my morning patients. I catch up with Co-worker. We were supposed to go to her house for dinner over the weekend, but she cancelled as her kids were sick. She reports that they have croup on top of a cold. Really glad we gave the dinner a miss.
1225 Heat up my lunch and scarf it down as I finish my charts from the morning.
1307 Remember that I added the potential ectopic patient into my schedule at 1:15. Quickly get set up to pump
1310 Notice that the patient arrived early to complete her paperwork as instructed. Will only pump for 10 minutes, whatever I get during that time is what I get.
1320 My medical assistant finishes rooming the patient. She reports that she had been trying to get pregnant for a long time.
1325 There is a single viable intrauterine pregnancy measuring 6 weeks and 1 day. The adnexa mass is likely a hemorrhagic cyst or an endometrioma. I suspect it has been present for a while. It's a Pre-Thanksgiving miracle! I'm not sure what to make of her low rising quant. We'll see her back in one week
1415 Check my patient emails. The miscarriage patient sent a message thanking me for being so responsive and she wishes me a Happy Thanksgiving. It's really satisfying to know my work is appreciated. It still always amazes me that some patients can be so gracious even when they are going through something so difficult.
1645 Finish with my patients and I only have a few phone calls to clear. I'm going to make it to the gym! It's another Pre-Thanksgiving miracle!
1650 Complete my charting as I pump. Change into my gym clothes.
1715 Gather the milk from the fridge and head out of the office as quickly as I can.
1728 Arrive at the gym in time for warm-ups. This is a rare event.
1730 There are wall balls in today's WOD. My legs still hurt from the last time we did wall balls. I went back to using the 14 pound ball, (I was using the 10 pound ball while I was pregnant) my what a difference 4 pounds can make!
1850 Back at home. Quickly change out of my gym clothes as Jate is waiting to be fed. I feed her while Husband prepares her bottles for the next day and washes my pump parts.
1915 Prepare dinner. Microwave leftover Sheppard's Pie and serve with salad. It's technically a home cooked meal.
1920 Shovel down dinner as Jate plays on the playmat
1935 Draw a bath for Jate while Husband cleans up the dinner plates.
1940 Jate enjoys splashing in the tub. She's almost getting too big for the infant insert, but she can't quite sit by herself long enough
1950 Dry Jate off with her duck head hooded towel. I'm convinced that the reason for having kids is so you can use the duck head hooded towels
2000 In the interest of time, I read her stories while we nurse
2020 She's drifted off asleep. I recently read that I'll have to stop letting her fall asleep while nursing once she gets teeth. I inherited bad teeth from my father, so there's a chance she could get that from me. Then again, I'm not a good role model for dental care.
2025 Successful transfer to her basinet
2030 Pack my pump bag and Jate's day care bag with some extra clothes and cloth diaper covers. Discover that Husband has packed my lunch for me. I spend Sunday afternoon cutting up fruit and vegetables into small containers, so I can quickly pack lunch each day. I check his work and only have to change a few things.
2031 We would normally go to bed at this point in time, but we watch our local basketball team continue their winning streak
2200 Go to bed. This is now defined as 'staying up late'
2300 My alarm goes off. Time to go pump.
0200 The pump alarm goes off again
0430 Now the Jate alarm is going off. Husband and I are both exhausted from staying up so late. We decided to play the 'let's wait a few minutes to see if she goes back to sleep' game.
0545 Apparently, it worked. We all fell back asleep. Time to start another day.
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