Seven Months

This update feels a little bittersweet. My baby has passed the half way point and is closer to being a toddler than an infant. It's so incredible to look through her pictures and appreciate how much she has changed even if I can't notice a difference on a day to day basis. Perhaps the most tangible difference occured a few weeks ago when she tried to wiggle out of my arms while I was cuddling her. Sigh, where did my little infant who could rest in my arms like a loaf of bread go? Soon enough she'll be walking, eating real food and maybe even talking. Time, please slow down..

Nicknames: Cup Kate, Button, Little Bunny, Kater Tot

Stats:
Weight: 17 lbs 11 oz
Length: 26.5 inches

Teeth: The anticipation is killing us. So, we think we've had all.the.symptoms. Drooling perfusely -check. Biting everything in sight -check. Decreased interest in eating -check.  Difficulty sleeping -check, check. Irritability -check. Everything except for the emergency of any pearly whites. We've had a few really bad nights where she would wake frequently, or take a long time to get back to sleep, so we'll give her some Infants' Advil, thinking this might finally be the real thing, only to discover, no we've just been drugging our daughter. Many years ago we had some issues with our late cat Angus, who was upset about something and decided to boycott the litter box. We loaded him up on catnip and he was so mellow that he got over whatever it was that was bothering him again and returned to using his kitty bathroom. I speculated, "Oh, won't we make good parents if we think drugs are the answer.."

Eating: As she doesn't have any teeth yet, I'm glad we're doing purees, especially as I noticed she pushes out the slightest chunk. I'm finding that I have to pre-mash the vegtables before putting them into the baby bullet in order to get a nice perfectly smooth consistency. We started with squash, and then went to peas, which we thought she liked, but apparently she spits them out at Day Care, and they kept writing "doesn't like peas" on her daily report before we finally got the hint; to stop putting the peas in her Day Care bag. The next thing we tried was bananas, which she absolutely loved. I can't blame her, I had a spoonful myself. It's delicious and I'm thinking of blending a banana for dessert and pretending that it's ice cream. Introducing carrots and avacado also coincided with her possible teething and cold + ear infection, so it was hard to tell how well they really were received. She'll often put her hands in her mouth after eating a spoonful, and I discovered bits of food on her lap and down the side of her highchair, which seems to be her version of spitting into your napkin. Co-worker suggested adding some banana to the carrots, which was a big hit. (I tried a sample myself, it is much better!) Apparently in a baby's world, it's not bacon that makes everything better, it's banana.

Sleep: It is such a moving target. She spoiled us by sleeping through the night after two months. I was terrified about the four month sleep regression, and sure enough she started waking during the night at that age. However, she would nurse and go back to sleep quite quickly, which wasn't too bad. Intermittently, she would still sleep through the night, but never more than two nights in a row. About a week or so after her six month birthday, she hit a new personal best and slept all night long for four consecutive nights. We were begining to think that we might go back to life from 2-4 months, but then it all unraveled. She broke her four night streak by waking every two hours, which I think is more frequent that when she was a newborn. Now, she's been averaging about 2-3 wakes per night and a good night is defined as just one waking. If it happens before midnight, then it's a very good night.

We have made some progress with sleep training. While Husband was away, I worked on putting her to bed awake and after three nights, she was falling asleep in less than ten minutes, with a bit of a babblish/light crying. Recently, she's been so tired that she falls asleep while nursing and seems to resist my attempts to gently rouse her while placing her in the crib. We've started using a 15 minute rule when she wakes during the night, wait 15 minutes to see if she goes back to sleep on her own (which happens about 40% of the time). If not, I'll nurse and will find that more often than not, she seems pretty hungry and will fall back to sleep rather quickly. Except for the few occasions, where she's showed no interest in going back to sleep and I'll just leave her in the crib to cry it out. She has started sleeping on her stomach, which makes her Daddy a bit nervous.

Likes: Pulling Mummy's hair. I keep a whole stack of hair ties on my stick shift and I've found it's not enough just to pull my hair into a ponytail. It needs to be a braid or a bun and if there is a wisp that falls loose; she will grab it. Loves bananas, still a big fan of bathtime. She's recently become fascinated with Tyler, and for the most part he's been very tolerant as she's tried to get near him or pet him. She started moving toward him and he gave a look that clearly read: "Oh shit! It moves!"

Stay.in.the.box.

Dislikes: Getting her nails trimmed. Unfortunately, like her mother, her fingernails grow quite quickly. She hates having her face and hands wiped after eating, as that is just the WORST THING EVER!

Diapers: Remember in the Six month update, where I described that diaper changes were becoming 'challenging'? Well, that got quickly upgraded to fucking nightmare. It's like trying to mud wrestle a pig. She won't stay on her back and she rolls around, or she tries to get up on her hands and knees. We asked her Day Care providers for some advice, and they commented, 'well all kids roll around at this age... but Kate is really strong, so it's much harder...' I'm speculating that they must do Rock/Paper/Scissors to decide who changes her, which is pretty much what we do. Trying to distract her with a toy only seems to encourage her to move more. It was starting to take the effort of both of us just to change and dress her. A few times, we both lost our cool and snapped at her. I was desparate for anything that might help, so I took interest when I saw a product called the SnoofyBee, which is a changing pad with a...sort of.. a dog cone. I read the reviews and oh boy, did the Sanctimommies weigh in on this one. "It's called disclipine, can't you just tell your child 'no'" (Um, she's 7 months old, doesn't quite understand the concept yet. I even tried saying 'non-non-non-non' in a [poor] French accent) "Can't you just distract them with a toy?" (Tried that; didn't work).

Yes. I put her in the CONE OF SHAME!

I have no problem confessing that I am a horrible mother, who was so desparate to do anything to make diaper changes easier. Unfortunately, it didn't achieve the objective, as she could still twist and turn. Admitting defeat, we've learned how to diaper her while she's on her hands and knees. It's not too hard when we're putting her in her nightly disposable diaper, but it really wasn't working to fasten her into a cloth diaper. We started using the tri-fold technique, which involves folding the diaper into thirds, so it makes like a long sanitary napkin and it is held in place with the diaper cover. This works to diaper her while she is on her hands and knees, and better yet, it doesn't require Snappy Clips. Does anyone else who cloth diapers noticed that your Snappy Clips suddenly disappear, as if there is a Bermuda Triangle for Snappy Clips? Then they suddenly re-appear as soon as you pick up a new package. 

Clothes:  Still in 6-9 months. I purchased a few sale items in the 9 month size, but they're too big for her right now. Let's keep it that way for a while. 

Milestones and Events: I forgot to mention it last month, but as 'sits independently' is on the developmental check list, we ticked that box just after the New Year. I'm bringing it up again, as I'm reminiscent of the days where she would remain stationary. Once she figured out that she could move forward, there has been no signs of stopping or even slowing down. After she realised that she wasn't going to get very far by moving backward, she took her first step toward crawling, but getting into a plank position. 

Her Cross-Fit parents are so proud!

She can get up on her hands and knees, but she really hasn't learned the coordination of moving her knees and arms in sync, so she's created her own 'slither'. She uses her upper body strength and sort of drags herself. It looks a little like 'the worm' via 80s break dancing. It's amusing and yet terrifing as she's remarkably quick. Yesterday I noticed that she seemed to want to pull herself up on the couch, so I allowed her to push off my hands and she was able to pull herself to a stand, and then proceeded to take two steps. Yikes! we may have a baby who skips crawling and just goes onto walking. 

If you remember from my last post, I was debating about running a 10K over Valentine's/President's Day weekend. Husband signed up to umpire for a hockey tournament (which was supposed to be just the morning, but ended up being an all-day event) so if I went, I would have to bring Kate along. I decided that we weren't ready, I had only taken her out in the running stroller a few times for a walk aroung the block and my one attempt at a training run, was cut short by a screaming baby. (In her defense, she was hungry. I fed her before we left, but had to run and errand on route to the trail, which took much longer than expected) Then my swim coach contacted me as she signed up for the race, but needed to go out of town at the last minute, so she offered her registration. Well, free was a price I couldn't dismiss. Even if she had a meltdown before the starting line, I felt as if we had nothing to lose. I decided that the 5K distance would be more suitable for our maiden race, and to my surprise all went better than expected. She was content for the first two miles and fell asleep around the third. I was able to run the entire way while pushing the stroller, and I even learned that the ediquette for stroller runners is to run on the outside of the course, as I was actually faster than some other runners. I accept that not every race will be this smooth, but I'm really looking forward to doing some more with her. 

Running is very tiring...

While we were waiting for the race to start, I wanted to give her a bottle, so she'd be well fed during the race. I propped the bottle up with one of her toys, so I could attach my bib and when I looked back at her, I saw that she was feeding herself by holding the bottle with both hands! Wow. This is a game changer in terms of making our lives a little easier. 

I can do it myself!

Health Issues: She picked up her second cold. We received the call from Day Care that she had a fever and she ran a temperature for two days while she had a cough and a runny nose. Mummy was impressed that her Day Care germ exposed daughter has only had two colds in a four month timeframe, while Daddy fretted that she has an underlying respiratory disorder. He wanted to take her to the pediatrician right away, but I resisted as I figured we'd hear the usual 'it's a virus, give supportive care' speech. Finally I agreed to take her in on a Friday, so we could see our regular pediatrician, rather than the doc-du-jour at Urgent Care, if we needed to seek medical care over the weekend. Bilateral Acute Otitis Media. The first dose of antibiotics kicked her fever. Sigh. Sometimes having a parent who is a medical provider is hazzardous to your health. 

Looking forward to: Alert the press! We are going on holiday! A proper vacation that does not involve visiting family or travelling with relatives. We're using our Hawaii time share in May. There was much drama leading into this. I'll offer the condensed version. We intended to go in August as Jate's Day Care closes for two weeks. We quickly learned that not only do you have to book on the first day of the year to get anything in August, but we must either book a location or bank our points by the 31st of March each year, otherwise we lose the ability to use them. Husband applied his English charm along with recapping all our fertility/pregnancy drama to the 'Appeals Committee' and we were able to convert our timeshare points to interval points, which allows us to stay in other facilities. We then discovered that everything in Hawaii was booked for 2016, so I was researching other destinations while we were placed on a waiting list. Two days later we recieved an email that there was a vacancy in Maui in May. I looked at the hotel's website and it's easy to understand why this spot opened up. It's a very no-frills hotel. Like no on-site bar or restaurant. The pool is tiny and there isn't even any tropical folliage around it...Who cares! It's a cheap basic hotel in Hawaii! We're going on an actual vacation! 

Feeling bashful about my age...

The Road to Recovery

Many people told me that it would take close to a year to really get my body back and to recover fully from the C/section. I thought I'd give a report as I'm at the half way mark.

Physical Recovery:
I truly had very limited post operative pain. On the first day after my surgery I was only taking Motrin during the day and I used Norco at night, as the most uncomfortable aspect was getting in and out of the hospital bed to attend to Jate. By the time I went home, I didn't need any pain meds at all. However, I would learn that having a great pain tolerance didn't necessarily indicate that I was healing well. I have significant scar tissue around my incision. It has improved a bit overtime, but if I press around the incision, it feels very dense and thick. I imagine that all my insides have just congealed like cement. It still hurts from time to time. It can be uncomfortable to wear jeans, so for this reason, I'm guilty of wearing my active wear, when I've not been active. My incision is still rather red, but thankfully no keloid formation. Although I had my abdominal muscles re approximated during my surgery, it didn't exactly give me a washboard stomach. I still have a bit of a diastasis and looking back at my old bump pictures, I think I look as if I were at week 17 or 18. I got a postpartum abs workout video, but I haven't gotten around to doing it yet. I should get on that.

I went for a haircut right before going back to work. As Jate was finding joy in pulling on my hair, I wanted several inches lopped off, and as my hair is (was) rather thick, I asked her to layer it in an effort to make it a bit thinner and therefore, quicker to blowdry. I had read Amaris post about her hair falling out and I was beginning to think that maybe it just wouldn't happen to me, but then it started... I washed my hair one day and found a handful of hair. Soon, the shower stopped draining and I had to unclog it by removing the big ball of stray hairs. I decided not to panic as I remembered reading that most people lose the most hair during the month of November. Fortunately, the shedding seems to have stabilized, but now I wish that I hadn't told the hairdresser to go so nuts with the scissors. My mother threatened that my blond hair may go brunette after giving birth, as hers did after she had me. So far, my colour is not any darker than it usually gets during the winter. Finally, my face has many more fine lines and wrinkles, which are accented by the bags under my eyes due to interrupted sleep. I know that I am ageing and it would only be a matter of time before it would show, but suddenly I feel as if I'm ageing in dog years, where one calendar year has advanced my age by seven years.

Weight
My pregnancy weight gain was just shy of 25 pounds and at Jate's two week check up, I was within two pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. I got on the scale a few weeks later and saw that I had gained a few pounds back. I haven't stepped on a scale since then and now I admit that I'm afraid to do so. When I was completing my medical training, I gave a baby basics and childbirth class to satisfy my requirement for community service. One of the points that I was supposed to emphasise in order to brainwash encourage women into breastfeeding, was to discuss that breastfeeding helps new mothers lose their pregnancy weight. One woman who baby several years ago and was taking the class as a refresher spoke up and pointed out that it doesn't exactly work that way, as you have to eat so many extra calories in order to breastfeed. I was annoyed with her at that time as I felt she was undermining me, but I now I'm annoyed as I appreciate that she spoke the truth. A pregnant woman only needs an additional 200-300 calories per day, but a breastfeeding mother may need 500-1500 calories included in her daily intake. I prided myself on my disclipine and self control during my pregnancy. I didn't have any cravings and I wasn't any hungrier than usual. Actually I followed my normal diet and I probably wasn't getting the extra 200-300 calories that I was supposed to ingest.

Breastfeeding is such a horse of a different colour. Especially as I started pumping during the night.  I felt depleted after each session and would devour anything I could find to eat. I asked the nurse at my new parents group if someone has an oversupply of milk, would she need to eat on the upper end of the extra calorie allotment? No, not necessarily, she replied, but I had already answered the question in my mind: in order to be a cow, I needed to be a pig.  By the time Jate entered Day Care at 4 months old, I had over 550 ounces of breastmilk bagged and frozen in our chest freezer. We've been defrosting older milk to rotate our supply and I just finished the last bag pumped in August. So far I've been able to freeze more new milk than we've needed to thaw. My ultimate aim is to have enough in storage so that I can give her breastmilk for one year, while stopping breastfeeding around 10 months.

That date also coincides with my 40th birthday. It's sort of a deadline that I set for myself as being a good time to get off this breastfeeding binge eating and finally get on a good nutrition plan. I haven't approached him about it, but if Husband needs ideas for a birthday gift, I'd like some sessions with the Nutrition expert who provides services at our gym. As I imagine she'll set me up on some Whole 30 or sugar detox program, I keep telling myself to enjoy it while I can.  I have a beer and some ice cream in the evenings in the name of maintaining my milk supply. I keep a secret stash of oatmeal cookies so that Husband doesn't discover how quickly I'm consuming them, and more importantly, so that he doesn't eat any. From time to time, I'll feel guilty and shameful about my gluttonous caloric intake, and I'll cut back on my carbs, but then I'll have a slow pumping day and I'll decide I don't care about my weight. I'll hit my stash of cookies and will feel validated when my pumping production increases. It's become a vicious cycle and I want out.              
         
Cross-Fit
I went back to the gym when I was 5 weeks postpartum, which admittedly, may have been a little too soon. I had promised my doctor that I would take it easy, and in doing so, I started out just using the bar without weights, so I could focus on re-establishing technique. While I was pregnant, a friend from the gym who had a baby four months before Jate, sent me a link to an article discussing how working out is actually harder postpartum than pregnant. Just as I was thinking 'this won't really happen," my friend sent another message confirming "yes, it will." The article explained that your core is not the same and the fatigue from sleep interrupted nights takes a toll. Some days I could muddle through, other days I would find that I lacked the stamina. There were a few times I finished the workout last. My friend reminded me that a last place finish is better than a Did Not Finish (DNF) which is still better than a Did Not Start (DNS). I truly appreciate that now. While my parents were visiting, we took advantage of their babysitting services and managed to work out quite often. My day off and revised schedule lets me go in the evening. Then I hurt my back while putting her infant seat into the car (my first mom injury). The night it happened, I loaded up on the unused Motrin and Norco from my C/section, but it barely touched the pain and at one point, I needed Husband's help to get out of bed. It's much better now, but I've had to take a week off, which has been frustrating.

Running
It took about two months before I could run without pain. I started just doing slow jogs during Cross Fit warm-ups and it felt as if someone were sticking a corkscrew right into the scar tissue surrounding my incision. I just pushed through the pain and built up to running the 200 meter, then the 400 meter and eventually the 800 meter course. A local running group organises two running events over Thanksgiving weekend. For the past three years, I've run a 10 K on Thanksgiving and a Half Marathon on Saturday, thus allowing me to earn the Thanksgiving Mega Medal (you get an extra medal that connects the finishers medals from both races, running is really all about the bling). I wanted to make sure this year would not be an exception. I didn't want to abandon my traditions just because I had a baby. I conceded that I would have to alter my distances, especially as Husband was away at a hockey tournament and I was on my own to care for Jate. My plan was to walk the 5K on Thanksgiving, carrying Jate in the Baby Bj.orn, and I made arrangements for my aunt to watch her while I ran the 10K on Saturday. The detail I wasn't expecting was a cold front to come through the Bay Area, which would deliver some bitterly cold temperatures. It was 38 degrees F on Thanksgiving morning. There was no way I could expose a 4 month old baby to that cold, and I wasn't too thrilled about freezing my butt off either.

It was not quite as cold, but still rather chilly, when I ran the 10 K on Saturday. All I can say is that I finished. Actually, I'll add that I lost time when I had to re-tie my car key into my shoe laces and I had to text my aunt with the instructions on how to use the bottle warmer, as taping them to the warmer itself was too obvious. It wasn't bad considering that I had only done one 4.5 mile training run the week before, which is actually the last training run I've done. I've let the cold, the rainy weather, and various errands and chores become my excuse. My parents gave us a jogging stroller for Christmas, and I finally took it for a test drive last weekend. There's a race over President's Day weekend, and I haven't decided if I'll run the 10K. At one point I was hoping to run the half marathon distance for that event, but I recognise that was way too optimistic and unrealistic thinking.  Oh, I did sign up to run a marathon as part of a relay team (I can either do a hilly 6 miles, or 7 miles flat). The race is towards the end of March, so I should be able to squeeze in some training runs before then. I should also make sure Husband can take care of Jate that morning.

Swimming
Aside from not having to get up and go to work and the whole bonding with my amazing baby thing, my favourtie memories from my maternity leave were the noon swims under the warm California sun. Unlike running and Cross-fit, my return to swimming was (relatively) painless. As soon as I dove into the water, all my muscle memory returned. My breaststroke kick is just as shitty as it was before Jate's birth. After a few weeks I could feel that I was building back speed, but I would discover it was short-lived. Breastfeeding consumes about 25% of your energy, and I would find that my energy stores could be delpted quite quickly. I would start the set as the lane leader, and depending on the work-out, I could almost keep up with the faster swimmers in the lane next to me. Then, half way through the work out, I would crash and burn. I'd quickly drop to the last position and one some days, I was in danger of being lapped. That's also when I started stashing the cookies in my car. It was my only time to eat as Jate would often be awake and ready to feed when I returned home. I debated back and forth about whether or not I would sign up for the Short Course Meters (SCM) Championship meet in October, I didn't really feel ready, but I figured I'd have more regrets if I didn't enter. I was quite glad I did. I had to bring Jate to the meet, which brought a whole new challenge to meet management. I had to figure her feeding and nap times around my races, and take advantage of anyone who was willing to watch her. I finished nursing her, handed her off, grabbed my cap and googles, made it to my lane in time for the long whistle, and wiped spit-up off my arm as I climbed on the blocks.

My coach commented that she could see my competetion form seemed to be returning, and as there were fewer swimmer's available for this meet, I was assigned to the faster relay teams. I love relays as they push me to swim harder than if I were swimming for myself, and I always seem to get my best times in a relay (albeit unofficial). My times were approaching those of my peak swims. Most importantly, I was finishing faster than what my coach had expected for me. I won my heat when I swam the 50 Free, and the volunteer timer noted that I came in way under my seeded time. I looked at the clock: 36.92. I hadn't bothered converting any of my meter times into yards, so it really didn't mean anything to me. Until a few hours later, when I happened to glance at our team's list of records. I hold the record for the 50 Free, as I'm the only one in my age group who swims the 50 Free. The prior team record was 37.46. Holy shit! I had just achieved a new personal best! I know sprints are such a  game of chance. Your dive has to be perfect, the timing for your flip turn must be precise, one fewer breathe can save you tenths of seconds. If I had to swim the same distance again, I probably wouldn't produce the same time. Yet I did when it mattered. Just three months after I was discharged after my C/section, I produced a personal best. It felt so fucking good.

I felt confident that I could get back to my prior form, but just as I was gaining this momentum; my swimming hit a hiatus. I went to Connecticut for two weeks and I had planned to swim every day in my final week before returning to work, but I had too many last minute projects to complete. Husband and I talked about going back to swimming in the morning once or twice a week, but it worked more in theory than in actual practice. Jate started to wake once or twice during the night, so I needed the extra hour of sleep, if I could get it. Even if I left practice a bit early, I'd still get back home at 7:10 and would need to nurse or pump, shower, dry off, dress and be ready to leave by 8:05 at the latest. Not really feasible. I'm hoping I can go to a noon class on my day off, but in order to get back into competetion form, I really need to practice more than one day a week. Alas, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I may not be able to return to swimming until she can sleep a little longer in the morning, and we're finished with breastfeeding. It pains me to acknowledge this, as I also must admit that I haven't picked up my tennis racquets in over two years. At least I (temporarily) left swimming on a high note.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

Six Months

"Didn't we just do this, like a week ago?"

Well, it took 6 months, but it finally happened. Our house looks like we have a baby. One of the things I loved about our one story house from the first moment I walked through the door, is that the kitchen, dining room and living room are on the left side of the house and all the bedrooms are on the right side. The only baby related items outside of our bedroom and her nursery were the Rock and Play and her playmat, both could be folded and stored behind our sofa. Now we have a high chair and activity centre in our kitchen, as well as a bottle warmer and sterilizer, and the Baby Bullet on our counter. I used to have a herb garden in the greenhouse behind the kitchen sink, now I have a 'garden' of plastic flowers that dry bottle accessories. We got rid of our glass coffee table and there is now a foam tile floor mat in our living room. I bought a large basket to gather her toys at the end of the day. Sigh. She has taken over our house. 

These flowers are still rather high maintenance.

"You needed a new coffee table, anyway..."

So, there has been a new development with my work schedule. I had been discussing the possibility of working a long 12 hour day and reducing my work week to 36 hours, so I would only work four days. Well, somewhat not surprising, no other providers or staff members were interested in working a 12 hour day, but I was able to configure my week to work two 10 hour days. I just had to get approval from the Bean Counter. "Yeah. Good luck with that," were the encouraging words from our office manager. Yet, to my absolute dismay, I received no resistance. She replied to my email by confirming that I would still receive all my benefits, I would just earn less money. I didn't mention my intention to take a day off, as I figured she would decide that would be too nice of a perk and would find someway to block it. 

I'm very happy with the way I was able to set up my schedule. Monday is my late night, as my hours are 8 AM - 6:30 PM. I'll still drop Jate off at Day Care, and I should get home just in time to put her to bed. I selected Monday for one of my late days as there are four Federal holidays that are always on a Monday and the Christmas and New Year's Day holidays will be observed on a Monday for the next two years. (I did a lot of reaseach into this) Tuesday will be my day off, so I'll have a nice long weekend during those Monday holidays. Friday is going to be my early day, where I start at 7 AM. It's going to suck leaving the house so early, but I'm just going to think about what I did on my day off and feel excited for the weekend. 

As it feels too good to be true, I'm not going to really believe it until it plays out for a few weeks. We didn't make arrangements to decrease Jate's Day Care until February. At times I feel that we've been in a really good grove with our current work and Day Care situation, so why disrupt it? Then I remind myself that I can always return to the status quo if this new schedule doesn't work out, and I'll regret it if I don't take advantage of this opportunity. The difference in my take home pay for the year, after adjusting for taxes and off-setting the Day Care savings, is $5,500. Spending more time with Jate: Priceless. 

Stats:
Weight 17 lbs 4 oz
Length 26 inches

Eating:
We finally started solids! On the advice of our Pediatrician, we first introduced rice cereal. (I've never understood the concept of rice cereal, but I suppose there is Rice Chex...) I followed the instructions on the back of the package and mixed 1 tbsp of cereal with 4 tbsp of breastmilk. It was pretty thin and runny, so it was more of a case of spoon feeding her breastmilk than experiencing solid textures. We recorded the event, which featured Husband accusing me of reversing the ratio of ingredients, then reading the box to discover that I was right, and me, doing my 'I told you so!' dance. While it was easy getting food into her, it was not so easy for her digestion, as she cried for almost two hours that night. We discovered that we made a rookie error by feeding her at night. Our pediatrician advised us to introduce anything new in the morning or early afternoon, and to give some simethicone ahead of the feeding. We followed those instructions when offered her first taste of vegetables (butternut squash) and it seemed to be better received. We've learned that it takes her GI system a little while to adjust to something new, so we've decided to wait one week before introducing anything new, and we'll do it on the weekend. 

"Ready to get more food on my face and hands than in my mouth!"

Teeth:

Still none. Our Pedi doesn't think it will happen in the next month

Sleep:

Our biggest accomplishment in the sleep department is that we transitioned her to her crib, but we took a few steps back during the process. A few things contributed to her adjusting to the crib rather well. We had be having her take her naps in the crib for almost two months, and we probably kept her in the bassinet a bit too long, to the point of it being too small for her. We had been working on teaching sleep independence, where we would put her down before she fell asleep, in order to teach her to fall asleep on her own. We had also been doing some sleep training if she woke up before midnight, but we began to notice a pattern that she seemed to be waking each night around 11 PM, so we started feeding her as if it were a dream feed, as we found that if she didn't wake up at 11 PM, she tends to wake at 3 AM. A feed at 11 PM is much preferred to one at 3 AM. These feeds are relatively easy, and she usually falls back to sleep in about 15-20 minutes. She seems to suck vigorously, which makes me think she's truly very hungry, but as she goes back to sleep so easily, I also question of we should be doing more sleep training. I don't have any answers, but I did learn some valuable lessons

We decided that we would do the crib transition while my parents were visiting, so that if we had a really bad night, we'd have extra help on hand during the day. However, sleep training with the grandparents doesn't work. If the sound of your baby's cries doesn't break your heart, your mother shooting daggers with her eyes will. My mother really didn't get the concept and kept offering, 'do you want me to rock her?' which made me feel like we were just being lazy parents. So, I rocked her to a sound sleep before putting her to bed each night, and we nursed each and every time she woke up. We're back to square one, just in a new venue. I'm happy that she's settled in her own room, but it was hard to walk into our room and see the empty basinett. We decided we would keep it up for a few days just in case the transition totally backfired, but like Amaris, I can't bring myself to take it down. Mostly, because it is useful storage for clothes that are clean, but I'm too lazy to hang back in the closet. After yelling at Tyler to get out of the basinett, I'm now encouraging him to use it. 

"Piss off. This is my bed now."

Likes:
Before we started feeding her, we put her in her high chair and would let her play with a few toys. She discovered the fun game of 'throw stuff on the floor and watch Mummy and Daddy pick it up'. She wins every time. She received a few new toys that seem to capture her attention for a little while. Our favourite toy is 'Follow Me Fiona", which is a little dog that is supposed to encourage babies to crawl. She started to make this high pitched squealing sound, so Husband and I would blow raspberries to divert her attention. Now she won't stop blowing raspberries.

Dislikes:
Not a happy camper when it's time to get into her car seat. She's also not a fan of her late afternoon nap. It's always a struggle to get her to go down and it's her shortest nap.

Diapers:
Still the same; size 3 Pamp.ers at night and regular sized cloth diapers during the day. However, now that she can roll, diaper changes have become really challenging.

Clothes:
We're now in 6-9 month sized clothes, and I just stocked up on some 9 month sized layette sets from Cart.ers. Despite the fact that no teeth are imminent, she drools profusely, prompting frequent outfit changes. I usually have to change her clothes after eating. Our Day Care requests to have two extra sets of clothes in the event of a blowout. We have six set aside for Jate, and she's gone through them all in the course of a week. Husband jokes that she goes through more outfits than Madonna in concert. We do a lot of laundry.

Milestones:
She's really taken off with rolling. If we put her on the foam tile mat, she'll roll her way from one side to the other. There is no leaving her unattended even for a minute. She's not really figured out crawling yet. She can get herself into position,  but she'll push backwards, rather than moving forward. Her hand coordination is very impressive, and our pediatrician commented that developmentally, she seems to be at a nine month level. He did warn that babies who developmentally advanced, sometimes incur language delays. I don't want to make the mistakes of my cousin, who buried her head in the sand and ignored her son's obvious language delays. So in an effort to be proactive, we enrolled her in a baby sign language class. Despite the fact that he pissed and moaned on the drive, Husband actually really enjoyed the class and has been doing quite a bit of practice with her. I've been brushing up on my basic Spanish so I can read her classics such as Vi Perro Vi!, Buenas Noches Luna and Huevos Verdes con Jamon.

Health Issues:
Fortunately, she recover from her cold rather quickly and has been well since then!

Looking Forward To:
If it goes go to fruition, I'll be looking forward to having a day off during the week, but to be honest, I'm not sure what we'll do! I feel like we need to be more productive than my bottle washing Gilmore Girls watching days from my maternity leave. I've been looking into a Mom and Baby yoga class at our local sports store, and our library has a lot of free events. I will admit that I'm hoping to sync her nap back to noontime, so that I can swim again. Actually, as we still have Jate in Day Care full time in January, I'll have two baby free days to myself. One of the items on my to-do list is to have a good cull of my closet as well as removing old health and beauty items from our bathroom cabinets as well as sorting for expired items in our pantry and fridge. Sigh. Isn't sad that I look forward to these tasks? 

Let It Go

A few months ago, my mother asked if I were planning to use pictures of Kate for our Christmas card. "I can't" I replied "It was really hard for me to see pictures of everyone else's kids each year."  My mother quietly repressed a sigh. "Jane," she paused. "Do you think you'll ever be able to let some of these feelings go?"

Let it go? I was tempted to launch into my 'once infertile, always infertile" speech, but I remembered we already had that conversation earlier that morning. I mentioned that one of my blogger friends had a spontaneous pregnancy after her first pregnancy was achieved after her 5th IVF transfer.

"So she's fertile." My mother interrupted
"Well, no." I countered. "The spontaneous pregnancy doesn't erase the multiple failed transfers and the years of heartbreak."
"But she conceived without intervention" My mother stood her ground "So everything works. She's fertile."

I was not going to let her have the last word. "It's like how Shroedinger's Cat is considered to be both alive and dead. She is simultaneously both infertile and fertile." I really don't understand Shroedinger's experiment, but I figured it would successfully end the argument. It seemed to work, so I decided to follow with a more vivid explanation.

"It was especially hard as both of my miscarriages were right before Christmas. Looking at pictures of other people's children reminded me of what I wanted, but didn't have and may never have. I was reminded that I was falling further behind as their kids aged each year. I felt regret that we didn't start trying for a family earlier. I felt confronted by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future all at once."

"So, are you ever going to be able to let it go?"

No, I can't let it go, but I have eased up a little bit. It started at the pool one day. I realised that I still carried a lot of resentment toward Lena, as if it were my default position. One day, we had both brought our babies to swim practice and the image of the two strollers side by side softened me. Even though our path to parenthood was quite different, we were in this together. I friended her on Face.book, so I could add her to a closed group for new parents. In turn, she gave me some sleep training tips.

During my trip back east, we got together with my mother's side of the family, which included my recovering heroin addict cousin, his former heroin addict girlfriend and their almost year old son. I received the news about their pregnancy right after my fourth failed transfer. The one considered 'A New Hope' as it was with a grade 1 known euploid embryo. I wasn't so much jealous, as I was resentful. As I was researching recurrent implantation failure and trying to figure out the strategery for the fifth transfer 'The Kitchen Sink' I figured why not start shooting heroin? I had not seen this cousin in over 16 years. He was just a 17 year old kid at our last encounter and now he was a 33 year old father. Although I still remain somewhat skeptical, it really seems that fatherhood has had a positive influence in his life and he has been clean for nearly two years. He appears to be a dedicated father and as he was explaining baby sleep patterns and sleep regressions to my other cousin, I realised I could actually ask his for advice. "Oh, we had no idea what we were getting into." he explained "We spent the first few nights Googling everything we could" "So did we" I admitted "Seriously?" he asked. Seriously. I'm sure they had additional challenges as I imagine their baby was withdrawaling from methadone.

Finally, I renounced my jealousy over Myrtle's so called textbook perfect vaginal birth. Myrtle shared that her memories of her daughter's birth will always be tarnished by the fact that both her nurses were encouraging her to push as if she had to poop. Over and over again she heard those words. "Pretend you're trying to take a big poop!" "Push like you're really constipated!" As Myrtle was terrified that she would actually poop during the delivery, she twice asked the nurses to cease using that reference, but it was to no avail. I may be forever branded by my Caesarean scar, but at least there was no reference to deification when Kate entered the world.

I had been feeling that I had to confront my bitter feelings for all the pregnancy announcements encountered while I was infertile, in a similar way that an alcoholic goes through step nine and has to apologise to all the people he wronged. However, there is some resentment that I just can't let go. My cousin and her "souvenir" from her vacation in Hawaii, when she was so "relaxed." I just can't get past the fact that someone who endured all those bull shit lines while she was infertile, would turn around and use them to explain her spontaneous conception. Yet, a few weeks ago I noticed that she shared a link to an New York Times article entitled "Don't Ask Me When I'm Going to Have Kids" which discussed the hidden epidemic of infertility. I felt so proud of her for taking the courageous step to come out with her infertility experience. I also felt satisfied that she was proving my point. Five years after IVF led her to her firstborn and after a spontaneous conception, she still couldn't let it go.

Meanwhile, I still didn't have a decision about what to do with our Christmas cards. I finally designed our birth announcements, but I was feeling cheap and/or lazy about doing two mass mailings. "Maybe  you can just mail a generic Christmas card with the birth announcements." suggested Co-worker, although it seemed to be the same as having a baby picture Christmas card. "Why don't we just take a year off from sending Christmas cards?" I reluctantly agreed that it seemed like the best option. Yet every time I opened a card that was sent to us, I felt guilty and disappointed, but I'm trying to let it go.

Five Months

Well, I've managed to survive one month as a working mom. Going back to work wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. After a few days, I didn't feel as rusty, and while I won't say I'm enjoying being back at work, I discovered there were some aspects that I missed. In some ways, it's easier. I've been doing my job for thirteen years, I've only been a mother for five months. It feels more comfortable, so much so that I actually don't think about Jate too much during work. Wow, that sounds like a horrible thing to say. I do feel a greater sense of urgency to get out of the office each day, so I can go home and soak up every minute with her. I've lamented that I don't have the type of job that allows me to work from home, but that's not entirely accurate. For years, I've resisted having access to our EHR from home, as I didn't want to cross my work life and my home life. Now it's a necessary evil. I can catch up on my charting after she goes to sleep and when the clock strikes five-thirty, I'm out of the office like Fred Flinstone leaving the Quarry.

In her book, Bossypants, Tina Fey reveals how she resents the question, 'how do you juggle it all?' as she feels it's code for 'you're fucking something up aren't you?' So here are my failures as a working mom. We've been eating more processed food. On Sunday I'll try to make something like a meatloaf or a Sheppard's pie, so we'll have leftovers for another meal. I also made a double batch of beef stew and chicken Chipolte stew over the Thanksgiving break, so we can just defrost one of those for an easy, but homemade dinner. My friend Amy gave me the tip of using frozen vegtables; because, hey, they're still vegtables.  Sadly, Skillet Sensations and Safe.way frozen fish can become weekly staples. I haven't made it to the pool since I left for Connecticut. I don't think it will happen until she can reliably sleep later in the morning. I'm telling myself that I wouldn't want to swim because it's so cold, but I really do miss it. I also haven't made it to the gym in a while. I had negotiated to reduce my lunch to half an hour, so I can leave by 5 PM, but that won't take effect until the new year. I went last week when I was still in the thick of my cold, and the workout kicked my ass and then came back to kick it some more. The holidays are also consuming quite a bit of time. In addition to doing our usual weekend errands, Jate and I spent last Sunday stopping for Myrtle's family. My evenings were spent making photo collages for the grandparents, and wrapping the presents to prepare for shipping. Husband offered to take the packages to the post office, so he can say that he helped with Christmas. Not that I'm sounding ungrateful, as I appreciated having one less thing to do. One less. Okay, time to stop whining and remember how fortunate I am to have this wonderful little person in my life. These five months have been awesome.

Nicknames: Button, Muffin, Little bunny, Cup Kate, Beef Kate

Stats: 15 lbs 11 oz height 25.5 inches

Eating: We are dragging our heels on starting solids, but we're finally gearing up for it. As in, we're finally getting the required gear. I picked up some bowls and spoons and a box of rice cereal. We ordered a high chair from Ama.zon, and the box is still sitting in the hallway. Maybe we'll get around to it next weekend, or maybe we'll wait until my parents arrive. There have been a few occasions when I've kept her on my lap while I'm eating, and she seems interested, but not overly keen. I've decided I'm not going to do the Baby-led Weaning thing. Mostly, because I don't fully understand it, and when I was reading about it, the source said it can involve wasted food and can make a mess. Two things, I don't really like. I spend about an hour each week preparing my lunch by chopping up veggies into snack baggies and scooping yoghurt and jello into plastic containers, so preparing baby food will fit into my routine.

Teeth: None yet. Not anxious for this either.

Sleeping: Every night leading up to her four month birthday was met with trepidation, when would we stumble into the Four Month Sleep Regression? We got our first glimpse while we were in Connecticut, on my mother's projected "night of hell". She would wake up, we'd pick her up and she'd fall asleep in our arms within seconds. Then, the moment we placed her back in bed, no matter how gingerly, her eyes opened wide and she would start to wail. This went on for over two hours, before we were finally able to put her down without the rebound wakefulness. The next night, she went back to sleeping through the night, so we figured it was a fluke, or she and my mother are conspiring to make me crazy. However, when we returned to California, she gave us another night of waking as soon as her head touched the bed. After an hour of this fight, I surrendered. We were scheduled to take her for her baby photo shoot and I didn't want a cranky, overtired baby on the set. I took her to bed with me and let her sleep on the Bop.py, while I dozed as well. Later that day, we took her for her four month vaccinations and she slept through the night. Now, I finally understood why some parents want to space their kids shots, it's so everyone can get some sleep. The night leading into my first day back to work, she started waking at least once during the night. We did our usual routine, Husband gets up to change her and then I feed her. She would fall asleep rather quickly and then easily transition back to her bassinett. One morning while Husband was reminiscing on how nice it was when she slept through the night, I had to remind him that we were spoilt, and honestly getting up once during the night isn't too bad.

Then one day, Lena, my swim teammate who has a baby exactly one month older than Jate, shared how they successfully sleep trained their baby to sleep 12 hours straight. She relayed that her pediatrician said since she could sleep through the night, the nursing is more for comfort and habit. This made sense, so we tried to put her back to sleep without nursing one night and fought with her from 2:30 to 3:30 before I gave in and offered the boob. She chomped down as if she hadn't eaten in days. Then I remembered that she did miss a feeding that day. It was 4 AM by the time I successfully got her back into her bed. I climbed into my bed and Tyler decided to walk in circles around me. After twenty minutes of waiting for him to settle, I kicked him off the bed and it took me another 30 minutes to finally fall asleep -for a restful 45 minutes before my alarm rang. I kept thinking that I could have had a decent night's sleep if only I nursed her right from the start. I contacted the nurse who ran our new parents group and she thought that Jate may be hungrier as she is more active during day care and is going through this developmental leap. This also made sense, but I had confess that we may just be taking the easy way out and may pay for this later.

Thus, we came up with a new strategery. If she wakes up before midnight, we'll sleep train her until she goes back to sleep; if she wakes up after midnight, we'll feed and hope for a quick transition back to her basinett. We felt this was a good compromise as she would be learning to put herself back to sleep, and we'd make sure we got some sleep after the wee morning hours and would keep our sanity. Then one night she woke up at 11:30. We got so close to achieving slumber by the arbitrary midnight deadline; she would sleep for a few minutes, then wake up again. We gave it to 12:30, before I gave in and nursed. I thought for sure this inconsistent action would totally set her back, but at press time, she's slept through the night for the past two nights. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Likes: My in-laws got her a new activity centre, which she really enjoyed the first time we placed her in it. However, she's caught on to us. She's figured out that we're hoping she entertains herself so that we can get some chores done, so it has fallen out of favour. In turn, she's developed a new appreciation for the Baby Bj.orn as it allows her to stay close to Mummy while she's cleaning. She's reached out and pet Tyler a few times, so I think we can add him to the likes column.

Dislikes: Socks. She really can't stand wearing socks or anything on her feet. She's figured out how to brace the toe of the sock with one foot and pull her foot out, or she'll grab the sock with her hand and will wiggle her foot free. Since it's been pretty chilly, I've been keeping her in pants that have covered feet. I'm waiting until she figures out how to take her pants off.

Diapers: Still size 3 Pamp.ers and still in cloth during the day. Every evening when I have to scrub her diaper covers, I feel reminded that there is a not so glamuorous aspect to saving the planet.

Clothes: Solidly into 6 month size. I finally cleaned out all the three month onesies from her dresser.

Milestones: Finally rolled over from back to front! After getting so close for so many weeks, at last she figured it out. Husband was changing her, when she rolled on to her side and then decided to grab the edge of the changing table and used her upper body to pull herself over. The next day, I was out running some errands and she fell asleep in the car. I attempted to transition her from the infant seat to her crib. She woke up, but was quietly playing with her Wubanubb, which allowed me to put away the groceries, so I considered it a win. I went out to the garage to throw some milk in the chest freezer when I heard her start screaming. I ran into her room and found her faceplanted. Okay, now that we can check off this milestone, you don't ever have to do it again.

Health Issues: We made it four weeks into day care before she contracted her first cold. I was really trying not to make a big deal out of it, but Husband and my aunt convinced me to take her to the pediatrician. I felt validated when our pediatrician shared that he once thought his son merely had a cold, but when his wife took him to be evaluated, he was admitted with pneumonia. As to be expected, Husband and I both got sick as well. My mother commented that she and my father had some of their worst colds when I was little; you have to build up immunity to day care germs. She wasn't kidding. This cold knocked me on my ass. We had to keep her out of day care until she was afebrile for 24 hours, and since Husband had a day trip to Denver, I had to stay home with her. The concept of taking a sick day was blowing my mind. If I didn't have her, I would have pushed on and went to work.

Looking forward to: This is after the fact, but all week I was looking forward to date night on Saturday! Our day care provides baby sitting one night a month. 5:00-10:30 for $40. It's a steal compared to the rates of most local sitters. We decided to do the classic, dinner and a movie, so we could finally see the latest Bond film. We tried a new restaurant only to discover that the food wasn't great. Spectre was rather disappointing, and the Warriors lost. Still it was great to have some time just for ourselves. I'm looking forward to my parents visiting for Christmas. I know Jate won't be aware of what is going on, but it will be fun to see my parents with her. Okay, I also admit that I'm looking forward to having them watch her so I can go the the gym and to swimming. Oh, while I'm confessing, I'm also looking forward to having some home cooked meals by my parents. It's going to be like having a personal chef for two weeks! Just one more full week of work, then I'll have a four day week, a three day week and a two day week. Not that I'm counting down or anything...

The Grandparent Effect

She sits like a viper, and offers a clock without giving a damn....

-Belle and Sebastain 'Take Your Carriage Clock and Shove It'

Except I did give a damn. It was my first Christmas with then-boyfriend-now-Husband, and I wanted to make a good impression on his parents. I spent hours walking up and down and in and out of every store on the High Street before choosing a carriage clock at Deb.enhams. My now in-laws accepted it graciously, despite the fact that they had at least three carriage clocks in their front room alone. It now gives me a sense of satisfaction to know that a carriage clock is considered to be the gift to give when you don't give a damn.

While I was living in England, I could handle my in-laws in small doses. A dinner or Sunday lunch now and then, each encounter would only last a few hours. When Husband and I moved to the States, we would visit them for at least a week. As soon as we would arrive, my Mother-in-Law (MIL) would ask about my work, my parents, my cat and Myrtle. That would be it. We would run out of conversation at that point. Both his parents had retired, my MIL worked in a cafeteria and my FIL was a builder. They didn't travel and don't have any hobbies. As we were planning our wedding, I discovered something that I had long suspected; my in-laws don't have any friends. The only guests they invited were my MIL's cousin and her husband, their neighbour and the lone friend of my FIL, who has since moved to Scotland and they haven't spoken since our wedding, which was almost ten years ago. They are incredible socially awkward. When you try to talk to my MIL, she just comments "that's nice", which pretty much shuts down the conversation, but I think that's her go-to response as she really doesn't have much to add to the discussion. My FIL and I have long accepted that we have nothing to say to each other and have since stopped making any effort. I just can't escape the thought that we merely exist in each others' lives because I happen to be married to their son.

Those visits are so painful as 'spending time with his parents' involves sitting around their living room; not surprising, the layout of the sofas is not conducive to engaging in conversation. We all sit in silence, which is almost as agonising as watching the morning chats shows that are playing on the telly. Husband brings his laptop, so he can stay on top of his work. I started bringing journal articles to read, and I can bang out a lot of CME credits during these visits. When the cabin fever sets in, and I'm about to go stir-crazy, I'll go for a run, begging my feet to carry me one more mile so I can delay going back into the house of awkward silence. There are other reasons I feel so uncomfortable around my in-laws. They wait on Husband hand and foot and his behaviour regresses. He can leave dirty dishes on the dinner table, because they'll clean up after him. Many years ago, long before we were married, he called his mother a "lazy cow" and his father a "dickhead" and tried to explain to me that this is how they speak to each other. (accurate, but that's not the point)  I was horrified that someone I was dating could speak to his parents in such a derogatory way, but more so, it made my question why his parents would tolerate such talk. To this day, if I spoke that way to my parents, even in jest, I would get smacked across the face. Yet, despite the fact that I blame them for most of Husband's faults, I appreciate that he could be so much worse!

Last month we travelled to Connecticut to visit with my parents and Husband's parents, since it was a shorter flight for them and would give them an opportunity to meet Kate. Conversing with my in-laws is even harder now. They both speak so softly that it is hard to hear what they are saying. After the second time of asking them to repeat, you just pretend that you understood and nod, or just say "that's nice." My FIL has profound hearing loss and wears hearing aides, which truly makes me feel badly as Helen Keller described that it is worse to be deaf than blind. "Blindness separates you from things, but deafness separates you from people."  I asked my MIL to recount what Husband said when he called to announce Jate's arrival. "Oh. I can't remember." Thus, that attempt at conversation was shut down. On a Sunday afternoon, I informed my FIL that we found the channel that was broadcasting the Formula One race (his only interest). "Well, that's no good. [my MIL] doesn't like to watch it" was his way of saying 'thank you' as I'm sure he considers that my MIL doesn't like Formula One racing when he watching it every weekend back at home. I asked if he was happy with the success of the English driver. "He's such a wanker. He'll cut in front of another driver and will do anything to win." Um, I thought that was the point of the racing. Okay, I'll just stop trying...Husband called his father out for the real reason why he doesn't like that driver; he's coloured. Yes, my FIL still uses that term.

I had other concerns about my in-laws being around Jate. I didn't want them to change her as I don't think they have the reflexes to stop her from rolling off the makeshift changing table. I didn't want them to take her for a walk in her pram as I feared they wouldn't cross the street in time on the blind corner in front of my parents house. I let them give her bottles, but I had to watch carefully as Jate would nearly wiggle out of my FIL's lap. They did seem to truly enjoy their time with her, and I hope she has a meaningful relationship with them despite my distain. I recall that when I was 10 or 12, I could sense the tension between my paternal grandmother and my mother. I vividly remember when I heard my maternal grandfather made a racist comment. I was filled with a profound sense of disappointment. I also recall my mother instructing my grandfather not to use such words in front of me, or she threatened that we would no longer visit them. I wonder if I should have such a conversation with my FIL.

I also fear/acknowledge that Jate will regard my parents as the "fun grandparents" compared to my in-laws. It's inevitable, not just due to their personalities; my parents are younger and in very good health for their age. They have lots of friends, they travel, my mother knits and runs a dominos club. They can't wait to take Jate to Disneyland. I worry that they may try to spoil her, and I may have to have that awkward conversation with them. My friend Amy instructed her mother not to buy her daughter too many presents for Christmas last year, but her mother went overboard. As she threatened to do, Amy opened all the gifts, selected a few for her daughter and gave the rest to Toys for Tots. Yet, at the same time, it's spoiling (just a bit) part of the grandparent experience?

We had some other incidents with my parents during the trip. My dad locked Jate inside the car. It's a story we can laugh about now. My mother and I went shopping and my father stayed in the car with Jate, who was sleeping in her car seat. When we finished, we found my dad frantically pacing around the car. Jate started to stir, and my dad sprang into action by opening the driver's door and he accidentally hit the auto lock button. Jate feel back asleep by the time my dad discovered he was locked out. He called 911 and within 20 minutes some very nice [looking] firemen showed up and used their big hook to grab the keys off the passenger seat and retrieve them through the partially cracked open window. Jate slept through the whole ordeal. We thanked the firemen and my mom asked if they wanted to see the baby they rescued. It was quite precious to see a group of buff and burly firemen coo and aww over a baby. Husband wanted to put my dad 'on probation', but I thought that was over reacting. I didn't really freak out over it. The end result wasn't any different if my mother and I had spent twenty more minutes in the store. Plus, I knew my dad felt like shit and if I over reacted, he'd only feel worse.

As it turns out, my mother is far more dangerous with a car. We travelled to Pennsylvania to visit my mother's sister and naturally Jate woke up just as we passed the last rest stop in New Jersey. Jate was screaming her head off as we were counting the miles until the next stop. "Can you change her in her car seat? my mother asked. Um, no. Putting aside the fact that I would have to partially detach her from the protection afforded by her 5-point harness, I wouldn't be at an angle where I could effectively change and clean her. Jate continued to scream even louder as then next stop was still 15 miles away. "Can you hold her?" my mother asked. Um, No. Fuck NO! I couldn't believe my mother was suggesting that I would allow my daughter to be an unrestrained passenger in a moving vechile. Then again, I don't think she's aware of the fact that half she shit she did with me back in the 70s would get written up by CPS today.

This rings oh, so true.

Yet the ultimate moment that got under my skin also came courtesy of my mother. We took a day trip up to Boston to watch Husband umpire and not surprisingly, Jate slept the entire time she was in the car. It also happened to coincide with her usual nap time and she slept just over two and a half hours. When we arrived, my mother commented. "Oh, she's had a long nap. You're in for a night of hell." Firstly, that's flawed logic. Sleep begets sleep. A woman at my gym who is a mother of twins gave us the advice, "if you want your baby to sleep at night; make sure she sleeps during the day." I'm much more concerned about whether or not she'll sleep at night if she doesn't nap well during the day. Secondly, who the hell says that to a new mother? Thirdly, who the hell says that in such a sing-song tone that is practically punctuated with a smiley face emoticon. I was so hoping that if there were ever a night where Jate slept soundly, it would be that night, so I would have the pleasure of proving my mother wrong. Unfortunately, Jate must be in cahoots with my mother as she woke up at 1 AM and didn't go back to sleep until 3:30. The comment pissed me off the first time I heard it and every time Jate cried, it pissed me off all over again. Weeks later, I still hear my mother's words haunting me when Jate wakes up in the middle of the night. It's become my Raven.

Autumn Day in the Life

Oh my, how much has changed since my last Day in the Life update.
Here's a review from last Tuesday


0515 Hear Jate start to stir. Check the clock to see the time. We'll count this as sleeping through the night
0520 Husband is now awake and is checking his phone
0530 Apparently he was waiting for me to tell him when to get up and change our baby who is happily babbling
0531 Contemplate if I want to get up and brush my teeth, or stay in bed. Staying in bed wins over dental hygiene.
0540 Husband returns with Jate and hands her over to nurse. I really love that I don't have to get out of bed to feed our baby.
0541 I reflect that this is the time I would be leaving for swimming and wonder if I ever will swim in the morning again. Until she starts sleeping later, I don't think it will be soon. I check the current temperature on my phone, which reports that it's 48 degrees. My personal rule is that I don't swim if it's under 50, so I would have missed this morning anyway.
0600ish drift off for a little cat nap
0630 Alarm rings. Jate is asleep on the bop.py. Gently transfer her to her bassinet
0645 Finished showering and return to the bedroom. Apparently Jate woke up about ten minutes after I put her down. Husband is having her do some tummy time on the Bop.py.
0650 In the kitchen. Boil water for Oatmeal and cup of Mother's Milk tea. Turn on the Kurig. Feed the cats.
0653 Bring Husband a cup of coffee, since he's entertaining Jate
0655 Sit down for breakfast and check emails, Facebook and blogs
0705 Throw breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, wash last night's pump parts
0706 Place Jate's bottles into the carrier bag (aka, my old lunch bag). Carefully test for potential leaks. We use Joovy Boob bottles, which are really good, but you can't over tighten them, or else they will leak. This is what happens when you spend two hours touring bbB with the registry consultant. You become so paunchy that you revert back to adolescence. Tee Hee-Hee. It's called Boob. We'll take it.
0710 Return to bathroom to dry hair, put in contacts and apply a little makeup. Bring ipad along as I need it to keep track of time.
0730 Husband starts to work on getting Jate dresses for the day
0745 I finish getting dressed while Husband fastens her into the infant seat. Next I round up my purse, my keys, my pump bag, my gym bag, my lunch bag, Jate's bottle bag, her day care bag, my water bottle and my phone. Husband brings Jate out to the car, as the bag lady can barely fit through the door. Really glad we have the attached garage for this purpose.
0753 Ready to depart. Press the button to open the garage door before backing out the car.
0758 Arrive at day care. Sign in and fill out her daily report card indicating when she woke and when she last ate. Hand over her bottles and cloth diaper supplies for the day.
0800 Kiss her one last time before placing her in the arms of the attendant.
0802 Back in the car to leave for work.
0823 Arrive at my desk. My medical assistant picked up a cup of coffee for me. "It was supposed to be on your first day back, but today was the first morning I had any extra time." she explains. Dude, she has three kids to get ready each morning. I'm amazed that she makes it to work every day! I'm truly lucky to work with someone so organized and so thoughtful.
0825 There is a quiet room near my desk, which has been established as the official pumping room. I plug in the pump and attach the tubing, so we're all ready to go. This only takes about thirty seconds, but it will feel like it's saving me minutes later.
0830 Log in to my computer at exactly 8:30 as I'm sure some bean counter is keeping track of this.
0835 My medical assistant and I do a run-down of the patients on the day's schedule. She informs me that we received a request from a primary care provider to see a patient with a "possible miscarriage." Records were faxed. She was seen in the ER last week and there was a small questionable gestational sac seen in the uterus, and she had a large 8 cm adnexal mass. Her HCG went from 3385 to 4350. Seriously, why did this primary care provider wait this long to refer her? I have to squeeze her into my schedule today. It always seems that ectopics come in around a long weekend.
0840 I send an email message to a patient I saw yesterday. She had yet another miscarriage and I wanted to check in to see if she made a decision about her management options. I closed the message with the words, "I hate that you have to make these decisions."
1002 I have a break from 10:00 - 10:15 for pumping, but I'm already behind. I haven't even seen my 9:45 patient. However if I don't pump now, I won't get another chance to do so this morning. My medical assistant notices that the 9:45 patient needs a second trimester blood draw. It will make good use of her time, but I'm still going to be even further behind.
1005 While pumping I check my patient emails. The miscarriage patient would like to use misoprostol and she does want to do products of conception testing. I leave a message for the rep at XYZ lab inquiring about their hours for the holiday weekend. Just before I left for maternity leave, we decided to stop using XYZ's brand of NIPT. This call could be awkward.
1015 Finish pumping. Managed 6 ounces.
1100 Notice that I have a voice mail on my mobile phone. I gave the XYZ rep my personal phone number, because after three years I still have no idea how to use the voicemail on my desk phone. The lab will be closed on Thanksgiving, but open on Friday. They do have an after hours storage area, so if the specimen goes out on Wednesday, it will be fine to sit for a day and then will be processed on Friday. I email this info to my patient along with the misoprostol instructions and I call the meds into her pharmacy.
1115 I was hoping that my 22 year old annual GYN patient would no-show. No such luck.
1205 Finally finish with my morning patients. I catch up with Co-worker. We were supposed to go to her house for dinner over the weekend, but she cancelled as her kids were sick. She reports that they have croup on top of a cold. Really glad we gave the dinner a miss.
1225 Heat up my lunch and scarf it down as I finish my charts from the morning.
1307 Remember that I added the potential ectopic patient into my schedule at 1:15. Quickly get set up to pump
1310 Notice that the patient arrived early to complete her paperwork as instructed. Will only pump for 10 minutes, whatever I get during that time is what I get.
1320 My medical assistant finishes rooming the patient. She reports that she had been trying to get pregnant for a long time.
1325 There is a single viable intrauterine pregnancy measuring 6 weeks and 1 day. The adnexa mass is likely a hemorrhagic cyst or an endometrioma. I suspect it has been present for a while. It's a Pre-Thanksgiving miracle! I'm not sure what to make of her low rising quant. We'll see her back in one week
1415 Check my patient emails. The miscarriage patient sent a message thanking me for being so responsive and she wishes me a Happy Thanksgiving. It's really satisfying to know my work is appreciated. It still always amazes me that some patients can be so gracious even when they are going through something so difficult.
1645 Finish with my patients and I only have a few phone calls to clear. I'm going to make it to the gym! It's another Pre-Thanksgiving miracle!
1650 Complete my charting as I pump. Change into my gym clothes.
1715 Gather the milk from the fridge and head out of the office as quickly as I can.
1728 Arrive at the gym in time for warm-ups. This is a rare event.
1730 There are wall balls in today's WOD. My legs still hurt from the last time we did wall balls. I went back to using the 14 pound ball, (I was using the 10 pound ball while I was pregnant) my what a difference 4 pounds can make!
1850 Back at home. Quickly change out of my gym clothes as Jate is waiting to be fed. I feed her while Husband prepares her bottles for the next day and washes my pump parts.
1915 Prepare dinner. Microwave leftover Sheppard's Pie and serve with salad. It's technically a home cooked meal.
1920 Shovel down dinner as Jate plays on the playmat
1935 Draw a bath for Jate while Husband cleans up the dinner plates.
1940 Jate enjoys splashing in the tub. She's almost getting too big for the infant insert, but she can't quite sit by herself long enough
1950 Dry Jate off with her duck head hooded towel. I'm convinced that the reason for having kids is so you can use the duck head hooded towels
2000 In the interest of time, I read her stories while we nurse
2020 She's drifted off asleep. I recently read that I'll have to stop letting her fall asleep while nursing once she gets teeth. I inherited bad teeth from my father, so there's a chance she could get that from me. Then again, I'm not a good role model for dental care.
2025 Successful transfer to her basinet
2030 Pack my pump bag and Jate's day care bag with some extra clothes and cloth diaper covers. Discover that Husband has packed my lunch for me. I spend Sunday afternoon cutting up fruit and vegetables into small containers, so I can quickly pack lunch each day. I check his work and only have to change a few things.
2031 We would normally go to bed at this point in time, but we watch our local basketball team continue their winning streak
2200 Go to bed. This is now defined as 'staying up late'
2300 My alarm goes off. Time to go pump.
0200 The pump alarm goes off again
0430  Now the Jate alarm is going off. Husband and I are both exhausted from staying up so late. We decided to play the 'let's wait a few minutes to see if she goes back to sleep' game.
0545 Apparently, it worked. We all fell back asleep. Time to start another day.