Friday, 11 January 2013

You can't win if you don't play...

So, I haven't actually seen any of the movies in the Godfather trilogy, but I am familiar with famous quote '"Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in!" Although I've never been involved in the mafia, I can identify with that feeling right now. I knew it was still a long shot, but I confess I was a little more hopeful after my miscarriage. I've known of 7 or 8 patients who conceived with the first ovulation following a miscarriage, although the most recent patient had a chemical pregnancy, and I don't think any of these patients had underlying fertility issues.  Did I really expect that getting pregnant once would resolve our infertility issues? More so, did I really believe that our first pregnancy would be successful and we would live happily ever after? Just a few hours after having my blood drawn, I received a call from a medical assistant in my RE's office informing me that my HCG level is finally zero. Ironically, this was the quickest response with the results that were least clinically relevant. My progesterone level was 14, indicating that I ovulated some time in the past week. Unfortunately, it was a bang-less week. One night husband was out with some work friends, the next night I met up with some friends visiting out of town. We stayed home on New Year's Eve, but after two glasses of wine, I was sound asleep by 10:30 and missed seeing the clock strike midnight, which officially means I am old as well as lame. I tweaked my groin muscle during my New Year's Day 10K and was out of commission, which coincided with Husband coming down with a cold (aka "manflu"). I feel like we are the sorriest conception seeking couple ever. The consolation prize is knowing that I did actually ovulate and now I have a 6 day window to expect AF. While I'm happy to see that my ovaries are back to work, I was kind of hoping the anovulation would continue a little longer and then I could possibly manipulate AF's start with Provera and avoid being fertile while Husband is away. Now I'm almost certain that at the moment when I'm ovulating, Husband will be on the east coast playing Wii bowling with my father.  I don't know why I'm so disappointed about missing a chance to conceive spontaneously when we've accepted that we need treatment, but it just makes the possibility of pregnancy seem that much further away. You have to be in it to win it.  At least the advantage to being back in infertileland is the opportunity for further diagnostic testing. On my initial evaluation, it was noted that I may have a slight uterine septum. Although it was thought to be unlikely to contribute to our infertility or cause problems with a possible pregnancy, I'd rather not have this question mark hanging over my head as we start treatments. There's no doubt that I would prefer to have an ultrasound that shows a baby growing in my uterus, but I'm happy to be proceeding with the sonohystogram at this time. Sometimes you have to take a step back to be able to move forward.

4 comments:

  1. I used to feel that way too (gotta catch every egg! This could be the one!) but I've slowly gotten out of it. The month after our failed IVF I think we had sex once during my ovulation week, and there were no excuses for it. We were just tired of trying. Don't beat yourself up over it, it happens to all of us!

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    1. Thanks, that is comforting to hear!

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  2. We do the same thing. Even though IVF is our best shot at conceiving and the chances of it happening naturally are minuscule, we still try every month we aren't getting treatment. We aren't exactly lucky people, so I'm not sure why I think we may get one of those miracle pregnancies. Old habits die hard, I guess.
    Oh, and you just described my New Year's Eve. I couldn't be bothered to stay up until midnight.

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    1. Go to know I'm not the only one zonked by two glasses of wine. My younger self is so ashamed...

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