As it's been a while since I've been in a 2ww, I thought I would take a look back at what I did during the 14 days that preceded by my positive test. Please note, I do not think that anything I did helped achieve my BFP or contributed to my eventual miscarriage. It's just an activity to pass time...
CD 12 -Positive OPT
Long day and disappointment with the new Bond film contributes to unsuccessful coitus. Rocket ship was on the launch pad, but failed to blast off. Assisted reproduction is starting to seem easier.
CD 13 -Ovulation night
After spending most of the day shopping for kitchen appliances, we finally have obligatory sex around 8 PM, probably too late...
CD 14 -1 DPO
Lament frustration over another futile cycle with a 10 mile run.
CD 15-18 Days 2-5 post ovulation
Swim each morning. Call RE office to arrange to proceed with IUI next cycle.
CD 17 -4 DPO
Discover that AF will likely start during the long four day Thanksgiving weekend and thus I will not be able to have a baseline scan on CD 2 or 3. Decide to use supplemental progesterone to delay her start. Find some Crinone in our supply closet that expired 6 weeks ago. It seems appropriate for my intended use.
CD 19 -6 DPO
Run 5 miles on a treadmill. Remember why I hate running on a treadmill. Visit with a friend and drink three generously poured glasses of wine.
CD 20 -7 DPO
Wake up with a throbbing headache and dodgy stomach. Fuck; can't remember the last time I was hungover. Need to get up to attend a workshop. Hope that a shower will perk me up. It doesn't. Crawl back into bed and consider bailing, but realise I'd have to find time to make it up. Buck up and get dressed. After twice fighting the urge to pull the car over and be sick, do the 'drive thru of shame' at nearest McDonalds. A sausage McMuffin is the ultimate hangover remedy. Sit in the back of the lecture hall as hangover finally lifts. Swear off alcohol (for now).
CD 21 - 8 DPO
Run 80's themed 10 K. Facebook friends comment that I'm looking hot, which validates hard work and infertile status. Later that evening, become excessively distraught over death of a certain character on Boardwalk Empire (which would inspire blog title) -blame emotional feelings on the progesterone I've been putting up my hoo-ha.
CD 22-24 Days 9-11 post ovulation
Swim daily. Break 8 minutes in 400 kicking time trial and beat rival Phelps for the first time.
CD 25 -12 DPO
Thanksgiving Day. Run 10 K trail run. Comments from cousin's insensitive husband about our intentions to have children during dinner encourages consumption of second glass of wine. Four day abstainance from alcohol ends with an exclamation point.
CD 26 -13 DPO
Notice some dried mucus, which usually announces AF's imminent arrival. Burst into short crying fit that I can't seem to catch a break. Tell Myrtle "Quoting Ginger from Homefront, 'there is no way in God's green earth that I could be pregnant!'" She is gracious enough not to repeat these words when I announce news to the contrary. AF doesn't show up, my progesterone delay tactic worked. I am a genius!
CD 27 -14 DPO
Still no AF, but run half marathon in a decent time and still feel good afterwards, which is equivalent to a BFN. Pick up Femara from pharmacy in anticipation of upcoming IUI.
CD 28 -15 DPO
No AF. Fuck, I've overcooked myself with the supplemental progesterone. Retract 'genius' statement.
CD 29 -16 DPO
Scheduled appointment for baseline scan prior to first IUI cycle, but AF is no where in sight. POAS only because RE will ask if I did and I need to give an answer. Blown away when the second blue line appears. Despite the inevitable unfortunate outcome, this was still one of the biggest surprises in my life.
This was interesting to read! Sometimes I think I can overthink TTC... maybe those fertiles actually have a sliver of truth when they say it may help if we "just relax". Obviously I know there are people (like myself) who could only ever conceive through assisted reproduction, but from now on I plan to try to relax my mind as much as possible during treatment. I mean, I plan to go about my normal life (red wine and all) until I get my BFP. One thing is for sure, even if relaxing doesn't help, stressing out doesn't help either and I'd rather not be stressed.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't have to wait long until you get your next BFP!
This post is great. My positive test back in October was also after I had completely given up hope. It was right after all of my testing with the RE and right before the cycle we were thinking of starting treatments.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for sharing all of the things that you did that someone might tell us we shouldn't do in the 2ww. I often feel guilty that I haven't sworn off alcohol. For example, my cousin's wedding was this past weekend and I didn't exactly abstain. My RE also told me that I probably shouldn't run much more than 10-12 miles per week, so I've been significantly limiting myself on the exercise front. For some reason, her suggestions coupled with the fact that some people are still put on bed rest after IVF has made me afraid of getting too sweaty and active in the 2 ww. Which sucks, because I love getting sweaty. And it's probably not even a thing.
Do you find yourself trying to be nonchalant now because it seemed to work for you one time? Because I do. Which doesn't work. You can't successfully purposefully be nonchalant.
I can't really say I was nonchalant as we were trying, I thought we were too late and mistimed. The positive OPK indicates ovulation will occur within 24-48 hours, so I must have been closer to the 48 hour mark. I've followed the thought that sperm can last in the reproductive tract for up to 72 hours, so earlier is better, but with poor sperm, I guess we just need to time as close to ovulation as possible. A friend who knows me well commented "Even though you were really happy, a part of you was pissed that it didn't follow your science" I think they only way you can truly "no longer be trying" is when you restart birth control, because even when you're not cycle watching, every time you have fun, non-procreative sex, you're wondering if you could be ovulating and you'll be one of those couples with a story to tell. My RE hasn't told me to stop exercising, but in fairness I haven't revealed just how much I do, I honestly feel it helps blood flow to the uterus and I also beleive that you can't shake a healthy pregnancy out of your uterus. I cringe when our nurse tells patients not to run in their first trimester. I went to a conference last autumn and it was interesting to see the variation in RE's post IVF recommendations and there is no consensus that any of them are effective. One (who I thought was a jerk when I spoke with him) talked about "why not let her have a margarita post transfer. We've shot her up with hormones, tell her she can't move, can't have sex, and she can't even have a drink?"
DeleteInteresting post! I love the rocket pad analogy! Pure awesomeness. I hate the 2ww. Hell, I hate all things related to IF! I want to be able to have sex and get kn knocked up. Period.
ReplyDeletePraying that your BFP is around the corner and sticks! XOXO
Wow! That is an awful lot of physical activity in one 2ww. Keep us posted about your IUI.
ReplyDeleteI thought we were the only ones to have the rocket ship fail to blast off sometimes! Lol so frustrating. Isnt it kind of nice and at the same time somewhat bizzarr to go back over what happened previously? I'm glad you got to experience the surprise of a bfp. I hope that you will experience it again, but with a much better ending to the story :)
ReplyDelete