Monday, 14 October 2013
I'm One of Them.
"So, can I still pole dance while I'm pregnant?"
I had never been asked that particular question before, and I had no idea how to answer it. As I started to wrack my brain to contemplate some modifications for pole dancing; I recalled she mentioned that the establishment of her employment is both a strip club and restaurant, and I suggested that she might ask her manager about letting her work as a server or hostess. I thought about recommending that she consider finding work outside of the adult entertainment industry, but it might come across as judgmental. I know the reality for young women with a GED certification. She can earn a better living by stripping than by working in food service.
I spoke to our LVN after she met with her to share our thoughts. "Who knows?" she admitted. "Maybe this baby will be the catalyst that encourages her to get her life together, or maybe she won't go through with it." I concurred. The LVN exchanged some emails with her and made some follow up calls. She gave me a report a few weeks later. "I'm not so sure about her" she commented. "She still hasn't signed up for MediCal and thus hasn't done any of her blood work. She missed her window for genetic screening. She hasn't registered with the Methadone clinic and she gives you every excuse in the book. It isn't registering that she needs to take some responsibility." She sighed. "It's just such a shame. So many women out there who are longing for a baby and they can't get pregnant..."
I'm one of them... I had long accepted my membership into the infertility club, but I hadn't really thought about how the rest of the world views infertiles. There seems to be a notion that we are more deserving. That we are more suitable as parents. That we carry a hint of desperation. For the most part, we seem to be granted sympathy, but perhaps others see us as being bitter or resentful.
A few days later, I had a new patient on my schedule. I looked at the demographics. She lives in the northern part of our state and had a nearly ninety minute drive. Without reading any of the notes in the visit comments, I knew why she was coming to see me. At the young age of 24, she was pregnant for the fifth time and she already had two young children. "After my second pregnancy, they gave me a 'mini-dose pill' and I got pregnant on that. Then they gave me a 'low dose' pill and here I am again. Maybe someone will finally realise that 'low dose' stuff doesn't work for me." I felt badly for her. She's burdened by her fertility and has been somewhat misguided in her attempts to prevent an unplanned pregnancy. "It's so unfair" she commented "why do I get pregnant, while there are so many women who try so hard to have a baby..."
I'm one of them...
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Man, isn't it just so ironic? I'm not sure what you do for work (I just started reading your blog), but it's got to really make you think about things from both sides a lot. On one hand, I know you wouldn't trade lives with the women you help for a second. On the other hand, it's just crazy how easy it is for the women who don't even want a baby. I don't get it!
ReplyDeletewow. I can't believe that this patient was thinking of us infertiles in her situation! surprising but interesting, given all the time we spend being jealous of them!
ReplyDeleteYikes. I'd heard guy friends joking about seeing strippers that they suspected were pregnant (yeah dodgy strip club!) but hearing it from the other side is just as disturbing. Do you ever want to tell some of these folks to go ahead and have their babies, and then give them to you instead? You could have a side business. An inside track on private adoptions! Hook a sister up!! :P
ReplyDeleteIt's nice that an exceptionally fertile woman has considered the plight of infertile women--that's refreshing. As for the stripper, I realize she fits the stereotype (hooked on drugs, irresponsible, selfish, and has children) buuuut please realize that some of those young single mothers are just trying to get through college and buy school clothes and braces for their kids--they're not ALL hopeless.
ReplyDeleteI find it a little heartbreaking that these babies will be entering the world under such circumstances. I hope that even though they are unwanted at conception, that they will be loved at birth and as they grow up. It is a good reminder that it can be hard in both sides of the spectrum.
ReplyDeleteI often think of your posts after I read them. They are particularly well-written, humorous and insightful. You should seriously think about a book--although I know how much you value your anonymous status. The writing is definitely book worthy.
ReplyDeleteOh my, "Can I pole dance while pregnant?" Questions from a future mother of the year, no doubt. Sigh. I honestly don't know how you make it through those appointments without throttling these women. If they know low dose birth control pills or whatever don't work for them, hello, it's called try one of the other 9 million forms of birth control available. Or don't have sex during the fertile window (not that they would know that is). You are kind to feel sorry for these women, but I don't. They should know better. Especially for women who have been in this position more than once. Nope, no sympathy over here. What they're doing is selfish and wrong.
ReplyDeleteOh lord. At least the one woman appreciated the unfairness of it all. But, really, after getting pregnant once on a low dose pill you would think she would speak up when they gave her the same thing a 2nd time.
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