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Friday, 7 February 2014

Survey Says!

One detail I discovered during my first IVF cycle, is that my RE uses the facility at XYZ Fertility Center for retrievals and transfers. I developed a certain distain for XYZ as they run really annoying radio ads. My RE vouched for the quality of their embryologists and their lab, but noted that he personally disagrees with some of the business practices at XYZ. I was really tempted to ask him to go into detail, but I figured it probably wasn't germane to our conversation. I quickly revealed my resentment that they give the impression that the RE will be delivering the baby, and scored a rare burst of laughter from Dr Somebody that I Used to Know.

Recently I received a letter with XYZ Fertility Center's logo in the return address. Fearing it could be a bill, I tore into the envelope immediately. It was an invitation to participate in a survey. If I submitted my responses within 30 days, I could receive a $5 Starbucks gift card. Although I'm not sure if you can get anything at Starbucks for 5 bucks, I decided to take a look through the survey. Allegedly, I was selected at random; which I believe as a lot of the questions seem to presume that I was an established regular patient at XYZ. I started filling in the Not Applicable (N/A) bubbles for inquiries about appointment scheduling. Then the survey asked about 'appearance of the waiting room'. Seriously? The waiting room has a breathtaking view overlooking the bay. Are they just bragging?

I gave high marks to the nurse who took care of me, as she was very sweet, and I issued good scores to the anesthesiologist as he didn't freak out over my blood pressure. The changing area and lockers met my satisfaction, as did the recovery space. I considered grading the surgical suite as N/A as I don't remember it too well, which I suppose reflects the good work of the anesthesiologist. I started to wonder if they would ask about... yup, that was the next section. The Gentleman's Room. Way to try to dignify it. They asked questions about the selection of pornographic materials and there was a space where your could write in comments. Husband noted that he'd have to reply N/A as he brings his own porn courtesy of his iPhone. We enjoyed a good laugh, but then reflected on the fact that this is someone's actual job to sort through the responses. Husband recalled his surprise upon the discovery that there was hard core porn available at my RE's office. He figured it would be more of the Channel Five porn variety. While we were at University in the UK, Channel Five was a new and low budget network that featured some shows with really poorly simulated sex scenes. We figured it's probably the librarian resembling, grandmother aged office manager at my RE's office who orders their materials. As she is probably the most outwardly caring person in the clinic; Husband reckons she'd be willing to lend a hand to a gentleman requiring assistance.

There were a few lines at the end of the survey for additional comments. My pen hovered as I contemplated sharing my thoughts about the radio advertisements. Then I remembered, if you don't have anything nice to say...

10 comments:

  1. I think I know which clinic you're talking about. I went to an orientation there and my first impression was that they must make a lot of money, as all the facilities looked super nice. I paid close attention to the gentleman's facility and my hubby was commenting on how nicely dimmed and comfortable it appeared. How funny that your husband brought his own iPhone entertainment. :D Yup the ads are super annoying....

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  2. I can't even imagine the laughs that the person will have who gets to sort through the responses- namely the responses about the gentleman's room!

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  3. I definitely think you should have mentioned the radio ads! That's what feedback surveys are for, right? I'm sure you're not the only person who feels that way.

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    1. As someone else from my area commented about them, I'm wishing that I had!

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  4. So funny! At our fertility clinic they had dungeon porn from the 90's playing, lol! I always think about the poor person who has to clean those rooms!

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  5. The Channel Five porn sounds very much like "Blue Nuit" here in Canada...when I was in university one of the local networks would show soft-core-ish stuff in the wee hours of the morning on the weekends, which is when everyone arrives home from the bars. Because nobody actors making sexy faces and rubbing their bodies together in the candlelight to sax music is just what you want to see when you're scarfing the last of your street vendor hot dog.

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    1. Oh, yes, that's exactly what it was, although I don't think Channel Five had a clever name like "Blue Nuit". There was no dialogue, just sax music and sometimes the woman who was screaming in the throws of her orgasm, was still wearing her nightgown... Also swap street vendor hot dog, for Greek Kabob, and we had the same experience!

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  6. Thank you for writing a post that allows me to comment about soft core porn. We had one of these surveys arrive, too, but ours only asked about the G-rated aspects of the clinic. Too bad for them, because my husband LOVED the 90s porn they had there. I guess tan lines reminded him of his adolescence.

    Also, something tells me you're going to get some good search engine traffic out of this post. Maybe some 'will porn help me get pregnant' sorts of searches. I hope you give us a report on these one day.

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  7. I am forever grateful I've never been required to masturbate on demand in a special room with really terrible porn. I would never be able to perform under those conditions!

    When we first got satellite TV, the trial package came with a free "porn" channel (it was literally like that Free Porn episode of Friends). Except it was just a really awkward sex simulation with slow jams in the background. And some horrible noises the actors made occasionally. But you better believe we checked every once in a while just to make sure it was still there,

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  8. I think you should have commented a outs the ads too! You're too nice :)

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