Wednesday 27 March 2013
There's Always Something There to Remind Me
Around the time I started to realise that we were having fertility difficulties, my favourite radio station started airing ads for XYZ Fertility Centre. The commercial begins with a somewhat haunting version of "Lullaby and Good Night" and opens with comments from the doctors at XYZ Fertility Centre. "The best part of my job is seeing my patient pregnant" says one female, a bit nervously. Umm, you're a fertility specialist, that's not part of your job, that IS your job! Then an older sounding male chimes in, "The only thing better than seeing that heartbeat on an ultrasound is delivering a baby" Oh, I laughed so hard when I heard that line, as it makes it seem that REs are actually the ones getting up in the middle of the night to deliver babies!
I would come to accept that it wasn't just my dissection of semantics or sub-specialty resentment that caused me to find these ads so irritating. It was the fact that I felt that they were specifically talking to me "Jane, you know you're having trouble conceiving. Jane, this message is for you. Jane, you know you will need fertility treatments..." Overtime, I would acknowledge this reality and even endorse my infertile status in different ways, but it started to become instinctive that as soon as I would hear the creepy lullaby music, I would switch off the radio and flip to Green Day's American Idiot, which is the only CD I have in my car.
Until recently, when XYZ Fertility Centre changed their advertising structure and their message is now read by the on-air talent. While driving to work the other day I had Greg Gory asking me, "Are you having difficulty starting a family? When life needs a little encouragement, there's XYZ Fertility Centre. Now onto our traffic report..." Sigh. There was no warning and no time to escape. Yes, I know you're talking about me. Do I really need to be reminded?
It dawned on me that there will always be something to remind me. I carry the words of Amanda Griswold (who inspired me to start blogging) who, after finally achieving a viable twin pregnancy after a failed IVF and FET, reflected "we all know that infertility never leaves you. It will always be a part of us and affect how we feel." I hope our infertility journey ends with our baby, but however it ends, I know I will never forget what I learned during the process. I vow that if I become a survivor, I will not be insensitive and aloof like my cousin. Will I still be annoyed by the radio commercials for XYZ Fertility Centre? Perhaps...
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It totally feels like when you are going through something, the universe keeps sending you messages/reminders.
ReplyDeleteA lot of women come to their appointments where I work with their children. Sometimes I feel like their babies stare at me because they know something I don't. Depending on how I am feeling that day, I might find the baby's stare reassuring as if the messages is "don't worry, you'll have a baby someday" and sometimes I feel like the universe is telling me "you will never have a biological child, but look how great other people's babies are!" Crazy, I know...
Amanda couldn't have said it better. Infertility will never leave us. Like you, I vow to never forget about these years of infertility if I ever do become pregnant someday.
My BIL and his wife struggled with infertility and they can be incredibly insensitive. But they think they are being helpful which makes it even worse. Infertility is a part of me now and while I am sure the pain will lessen over time, it will always be there. I've learned a lot, good and bad, through this whole process and I can't just pretend it didn't happen.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I would never go to a fertility clinic that advertises on the radio. I always hear commercials for lasik eye surgery and I always wonder who hears that and decides that's a good place to have someone put lasers in their eyes because of a 2 for 1 special.
I like the way you described it 'I can't pretend it didn't happen' I once worked with an older doctor (he practiced into his 80s) who remembered a time when it was considered professionally unethical to advertise, now it's an essential business strategy. For the record, I can't stand my own affiliate's radio ads, which make me cringe and change the station!
DeleteUgh. So glad I don't have to deal with that! Thank god all NPR advertises is office chairs, the colege of dentistry (already a big part of my lfie!) and the UU church (already a big part of my life!). I can do my 2 ours commute with no mocking fertility center messages!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it feels like there are reminders everywhere, and you can't escape them. I've luckily not experienced radio ads yet, but I'm sure it can't be long until that starts happening. I'm sure I'll be equally annoyed.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I know the exact ads you are referring to! I've been hearing them for years...and they still annoy me. AND I've heard them on multiple stations! I don't think you'll ever escape.
ReplyDeleteHa! I almost wrote a disclaimer in case this was your RE clinic, I'm sure they are great doctors, but seriously, do you not feel they are talking right to you?
ReplyDeleteYeah, sigh. I try not to listen and wait patiently for the news to come back on after I hear all about their upcoming free seminars.
DeleteIt's crazy how much advertising and babies/pregnancy related things seem to just stick out like a sore thumb. I've been seeing it a lot more in TV shows lately.
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