Thursday, 6 June 2013

Just another day at the office...

Although it's not at the same level as the uncomfortable and invasive procedures that women endure during infertility treatments, I do have some sympathy for the awkwardness men experience during their visit to the Andrology lab.  Please read a post by Chris, the partner of Risa from Who Shot Down my Stork?, for a brilliant description of the process from a man's perspective . I was really nervous during Husband's first wank in a cup (WIAC) test, as I wasn't sure he'd be able to complete the task at hand. My husband is a Virgo and he also has mild OCD. His goal in the room is to avoid touching anything. I'm actually surprised he hasn't asked me to bring home some latex gloves as I don't know how he handles turning on the faucet or turning off the light switch. Mostly, his 'don't touch anything' rule applies to avoiding any of the pornographic material that the clinic offers, so he has some favourite clips downloaded on his iPhone. My cousin has a friend who took her husband into couples counselling after she found some porn sites on his web browser. I didn't realise there were still some people who are uptight about illicit videos (if it had been gay porn, I'd agree she has some concerns...) but it gives me pause for a laugh, as files of salacious material are merely a component of our procreation process.

I exhale with a sigh of relief every time I receive confirmation that the emission was accomplished, as I still fear he could miss the cup or accidentally spill the contents. However, I learned today that I had been underestimating his ability to triumph in the face of uncouthness. A rather cute, medical assistant led him to the special room, picked up the remote control and turned on the small TV set, which opened with an orgy scene already in progress. She continued talking with him to check the identity on the label and reviewed the instructions for where to place the collected sample as he stared at the floor, shifting uncomfortably. I wondered it were specifically written in her job description:
  • Escort gentleman to masturbatorium 
  • Turn on Pornography
...all in a day's work...

Wow. It seems like it were only yesterday when I was overly optimistic about our last IUI attempt. During my first cycle, I asked my RE if I needed to do LH surge predictor testing, as Co-worker's RE had her do. He replied that it wasn't necessary and commented that many patients use the tests even when he advises against it. He asked me to test during my second IUI, but I forgot about it and then he never inquired about the results. This cycle, I decided I would be compliant, not that I think it makes much of a difference. In the interest of collecting my infertility stats, as I was away over the long weekend, I tested for my LH surge in my fourth airport bathroom. Washington Dulles gets added to the list with Toronto Pearson, New York -JFK, and London Heathrow. Additionally, I administered my Ovidel trigger at a Major League Baseball stadium. I am truly feeling like an infertility veteran.

Continuing with our TMI details; my lining was 10.2. My left ovary was the bread winner again, with a dominant follicle at 23 x 18 mm (biggest to date). The right ovary made a valiant effort, but came up short with a 14 x 14 follie, which was unlikely to mature in time. Unfortunately, Husband's count was back in his usual territory; 14 million pre-wash, 70% motility, progression scored as '3'. So it was a poor showing with only 4 million used for insemination, but at least the guys who came to play seem really determined. Additionally, we supplemented with a post-IUI "intercourse can only help" bonus bang. High five! Let's see if the third time really is the charm...

15 comments:

  1. I have a friend that is incredibly uptight about porn to the point of calling it disgusting, horrible and offensive. Meh...not a big deal to me. Adam also brought along his own viewing material so he didn't have to touch anything that the clinic offered.

    Crossed fingers for third times a charm!

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    1. My Co-worker has a friend who is also anti-porn and make her fiancé sign a contract agreeing not to use during their marriage. Personally, I'd be more suspect of a guy who doesn't look at porn...

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  2. I am so hopeful for you and very impressed with our international infertility stats! We have been lucky that our clinic is close to home so we BYOS with us to the procedures.

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  3. I hope third time is the charm for you!!! Sending you positive vibes.

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  4. Fingers crossed for lucky number 3! Swim, little sperms, swim!

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  5. I am so glad the "masturbate on command after medical assistant turns on orgy video" job is left to our guys and not us. I mean, somehow I prefer getting sperm injected into my uterus with a syringe to visiting the masturbatorium. Good luck. I hope this is the one!!!

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    1. I totally agree with you! I may have made things more difficult for my hubby as I mentioned that the grandma aged, librarian looking office manager is probably the one who orders the videos and magazines!

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  6. I had no idea the nurse's job included actually TURNING THE PORN ON. Our clinic just has magazines. Glad they don't sit in the room with M and flip the pages for him! I really wish you guys luck with this IUI.

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  7. High five on the bonus romp and the nurse who discusses paperwork over an orgy scene! Thinking hopeful thoughts for you two!

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  8. So much that I could say, but I'd better not...

    Here's hoping that 18 mm follie is 'the one'. :)

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  9. I love when you comment on this part of the IUI process. So funny. Fingers crossed for you! I feel like the month flew by. It must feel good to be trying again.

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  10. Good luck with #3! Sending positive vibes your way!

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  11. I always exhale with a sigh of relief when my husband is able to complete the deed too. He really struggles getting into the "mood" when he can hear people talking on the other side of the door in the hallway. There were a few times that were quite traumatic events for him. Although the last few times he has said he's got the system down now, he was relieved he didn't have to do anything for our FET. I am crossing my fingers for you and really really hoping this is it!

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