0505 Wake up ten minutes before my alarm.
0506 Tyler senses that I am awake and begins to stir. He assumes that my first priority is to feed him.
0510 Drag myself out of bed.
0514 Feed Tyler, check Facebook to review Newsfeeds from England.
0515 I forgot to shut off my alarm, which wakes up a now grumpy Husband.
0535 Ready to leave the house.
0555 Arrive at the pool. No one has seen me yet. I could turn around and go home.
0635 It's an IM set. I should have bailed when I had the chance.
0703 Waiting for hot water in the showers.
0706 At last! Post work out shower feels so good!
0730 Locker room attendant has to leave, ushered to hurry up.
0740 Ready to depart from the pool with a little extra time on my hands.
I could get a jump start on my day, or I could hit Starbucks.
0745 Starbucks it is!
0747 No eating or drinking in the new car rule is in effect for at least three months. Sit outside and overlook the Bay while drinking my coffee.
0810 Arrive at work.
1755 Day ends with giving a patient a diagnosis of herpes. I hate my job at times.
1825 Review Cross-Fit work out. Ugh. Burpees. Unfortunately, I've already been spotted. Too late to bail.
1955 Home at last after a minor car accident caused major traffic. Husband has already started dinner and notes that I am just in time to help him with laundry.
1956 A hungry Tyler is glued to my ankles as I set my bags down. Husband hasn't given him his dinner as he "doesn't do wet food". Wonder how he'll handle baby related fluids if he can't deal with canned cat food.
1957 Feed the little bugger and concede that his food is pretty gross. Angus would only eat canned food that was in slices with gravy and it almost looked suitable for human consumption. Tyler prefers the pate. May try to change this
2000 Hang wet clothes on our drying rack.
2005 Make some zoodles by using a julienne peeler to produce zucchini noodles. Zoodles is much more fun to say.
2008 Look through mail. Misery sent me my prescriptions for next transfer. My surname is spelled wrong on one of them. Fucking A. I've been in and out of that office for the past two years and you can't spell my name correctly! Furthermore, I've pointed out to her that on multiple occasions I've discovered an incorrect spelling. Is this too much to expect? I am merely asking for sharks with freckin laser beams attached to their head!
2009 Glass of wine ends rant. Wonder if Misery is dyslexic.
2010 Dinner is served. Dine with Husband and his iPhone.
2035 Start to clear up plates.
2040 Husband accidentally turns off the kitchen lights while I'm washing dishes. I make a joke about how frugal he is. (Seriously, the guy is the electricity police) He gets insulted and announces that he's going to bed. Suspect his over-reaction is really a ploy to avoid clean up.
2100 Wash all the containers from my lunch box. Wonder if washing baby bottles will be as tedious.
2110 Throw wet swimming stuff in the tumble dryer.
2112 Pack lunch for tomorrow.
2125 Empty gym bag, hang up work clothes. Repack gym bag with workout clothes.
2130 Prepare consent forms for FET#4 at XYZ Fertility Centre. Prior to FET#2, I learned we had to sign a new set of forms with each transfer. Last time, I printed out four copies of the consent forms for each of our euploid embryos and I joked that we should sign a batch of these forms. This time, I decided to do it. I signed all three remaining three copies, but only dated one. If we have to face FET#5 or 6, we'll just have to note the date.
2200 Remove swim towel from the dryer. Select work clothes for tomorrow and pack into swim bag.
Double check to make sure I didn't forget to pack underwear. Arrange swimsuit and swim clothes for easy access in the morning.
2215 Plug iPhone into the charger
2220 Finally in bed at last. Husband is long been asleep, so I check in with email, Facebook and blogs.
~2300 Fall asleep.
Even before our experience with infertility, I was always annoyed with couples who would declare, "we're having a baby, but nothing is going to change!" Um, everything is going to change. Isn't that kind of the entire point? Nonetheless, my own parents told me, "we weren't going to be those parents who revolved their lives around their baby. We incorporated you into our life." I've become fascinated with these 'A Day in the Life' posts from new moms and I think they should be required reading for every expectant parents. Admittedly, they scare the shit out of me. Actually my own recount is pretty frightening, look how much organisation and effort it takes just to get me out of the house!
I haven't spent too much time thinking about how our lives with change with a little bundle of joy. After my second beta from IVF#1 Co-worker issued the warning on how much our life would change in the coming year. So far the only change is that now I'm prepping for a FET where I was stimming at this time last year. Yet, while not imagining any specific situations, I hold a few delusions that let me think I might be able to manage, you know, if this whole implantation and pregnancy thing is actually possible.
I'll want to do this!
I once told my mother that I had no desire to give up my precious sleep to tend to a crying baby, to which my mother countered "I loved you so much that I wanted to get up and take care of you." Effective way to induce a guilt trip. Will all our experienced make me appreciate these tasks and challenges more? Perhaps, but I can also see the novelty fading quickly.
It CAN be done!
In her book, Bossypants, Tina Fey described how irritated she gets when people ask 'how do you juggle it all?' While the question may sound complimentary, she feels the accusing eyes are really noticing 'you're fucking everything up, aren't you?' Still, I look for ways to make it seem possible. My swim group is going to start an evening session. While I was recently on an 8 mile run, not only did I see women and men with jogging strollers, I saw a woman in a boot camp class doing air squats with her baby snuggly attached to her chest.
I'll be MORE productive
I've heard some working mothers described that they've become more efficient at the office. When there's a task standing between you and your kids, or if your daycare centre charges by the minute for a late pick up, you don't waste any time. It's go in, get 'er done, and go home. Avoid the idle chit-chat in the break room. Pack a lunch and eat at your desk while you work. Presumably, this is after the sleep deprived state where one is napping under the desk...
I'll get some help
I know my options are very limited here as my parents live on the other side of the country and my in-laws are on the other side of the world. My aunt and uncle, who live nearby, are dealing with her breast cancer, and my cousins are busy dealing with their own kids. Although, in fairness, we didn't do anything to help with their arrivals, so we don't expect anything in return. However, my mother will be retiring next February, and my father is self employed, so they could come out for a good stretch of time, if they wanted. (Yikes, I feel old to describe my parents as retired).
I have some friends who expressed concerns about their partners' contributions prior to the newborn's arrivals...and then found their fears were confirmed. In particular, a few have commented that their husbands' lives didn't change much at all. I actually don't have such fears about Husband, and I'm not just writing that on the off chance that he's reading this. I know he'll be a very hands-on Dad, and will probably learn baby's patterns and routines quicker than I will. It's the remaining chores that give me concerns.
It has taken eight years of marriage for me to finally realise that Husband will never participate in meal planning. On time, I gave him a cookbook and asked him to select one entree, and I would shop for ingredients. He looked through the book and reported, "anything is fine." This led to a huge argument on whether or not he actually completed his assigned task. Earlier this summer, when I was extra busy preparing for a presentation, he offered to help with the cleaning. I figured he would identify something that is dirty and clean it. Apparently not. He had to be assigned specific tasks. I asked him just to vacuum and dust, but he decided to turn our kitchen inside and out to make it sparkle. I had to spend over an hour helping him finish, just so I could start dinner. I did appreciate all his efforts, but I couldn't stop thinking all you had to do was fucking vacuum and fucking dust... We've decided that our Christmas present to ourselves may be looking into getting a cleaning lady in 2015. Co-worker hired one after her twins were born. "She sucks, but at least she gets to the bathrooms!" She claims the $120 for her twice monthly services is worth every penny in terms of saved time and aggravation.
It gets better
Please tell me it does.