Thursday, 22 November 2012
I faithfully took my pill each day even though there was no reason, and I began to feel a bit pathetic. My roommates also weren’t buying the boyfriend in Canada, so I said I was taking them for my irregular periods. That rouse was provided to me by the college health center nurse practitioner, after I confessed that I was really a hopeful virgin. Oh, the irony that I was lying about having irregular cycles at that time. In many ways taking prenatal vitamins when you’re not pregnant seems like taking birth control pills when you’re not sexually active. When I purchased my first bottle, the clerk at Target exclaimed “Oh, you’re pregnant! Congratulations!” I just smiled and nodded, it felt easier than telling her I was merely trying to conceive. Not usually one who can make small talk with strangers, I quickly changed the subject to the store’s holiday hours before she could ask me any details. I made a note to myself to start using the self-check out or to buy online. When my pregnant best friend Fertile Myrtle (more on her later) visited, she chastised me for not reminding her to take her prenatal vitamin, which made me feel ridiculous that I took mine earlier that day… I am digressing from the real start to this story.
So back when I thought I had it all figured out…I would wait until my friend Myrtle’s wedding before removing my IUD. She had asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I didn't want to have to alter my dress to accomodate a baby bump. Oh, the details I thought were important at that time. There was another logistical issue after Myrtle’s wedding. We had a trip planned to go to England for the Olympics, so we needed to wait a few months so that I wouldn't be in the third trimester and unable to travel at that time. Thus, we would go back to “life in plastic –it’s fantastic!” for a few months, which would also give me opportunity to track my cycles, which had been irregular due to the hormonal effects of my IUD.
Then on day 14 of my first IUD removed cycle, we were sitting at home on a Saturday night with no particular plans. Husband started scrolling through channels and quickly came to Casino Royale. It’s a movie we’ve seen many times, but always feel compelled to watch whenever it is on. Although not one to have any celebrity crushes, I’ve always admired the way Daniel Craig transformed the role of James Bond. So after watching the opening scene, Husband leans over and says in the romantic way you proposition your partner after fifteen years “Wanna do it?” Well, it wasn’t Daniel Craig, but another blond Englishman… so why not. We joked about remembering how to use condoms, or how old they might be (not to worry, I had bought some recently) and minutes later, for the first time in my life, I was dealing with the situation of a broken condom and a possible mistimed pregnancy. I quickly plugged the numbers into my iphone app –the projected due date if we were to conceive would be the date we had booked our flights to England. “Do we chance it or use emergency contraception?” I asked my husband, who quickly agreed to the latter. I concured, but in truth I think I worried a little more what it would mean if we didn’t conceive after having unprotected sex during the peak of my fertile time. So off we went to find a 24 hour pharmacy to purchase a box of Plan B. After procuring the emergency contraception, we caught the late happy hour at a local Mexican restaurant. I quickly ordered us some Margaritas. “Regular or Grande?” asked the perky waitress. “Grande honey, Grande” I replied. Husband cut in, “are you sure it’s okay to drink after taking the meds?” “Oh yes, it makes it work better.” I ad-libbed. We sipped the Margaritas in silence for a few minutes before Husband finally interjected, “We should have just kept watching the movie….” Damn you Daniel Craig.