So, I could be frustrated about having to sit on the sidelines and be benched from trying to conceive for a while, but I'd rather find ways to enjoy taking a break from this process. I was so annoyed that I had to miss two months of opportunities right after my miscarriage, but after discovering that I have a septum that needs to be resected, I started to consider that maybe the Universe was acting in my favour to make sure I was able to address it before becoming pregnant again. Then I started to appreciate just how helpful a break could be.
The Thrill of the Pill
I want to recapture the excitement I felt when I had my first prescription for Desogen, I was a responsible hoping to be sexually active female eager for experience. I remember the sweet feeling of validation when I swallowed my first post coital pill. I loved being in the club of women who were labelled 'on the pill'. I declined my RE's offer for a prescription and instead picked up a package from a friend who works at Planned Parenthood. I felt like I was back in my early 20s and could reminisce about when Husband and I first met. As I'm getting closer to 40, I'll take anything that allows me to reclaim some of my youth.
The Joy of Sex
It does annoy me that for most "normal" fertile couples, the procreation process involves having lots of enjoyable sex. When you combine an irregular ovulater with moderate male factor, we have to take a stab and determining when I will ovulate and make sure Husband has a three day run up. The act is totally obligatory and usually there are other factors of inconvenience present to make sure the mood is dampened. Pressure free, non-procreative, pleasure fucking is so much better.
Is Mr Freely there? Initials I.P.
My bladder has a relatively small capacity and I drink a lot of water during the day. I'm also a light sleeper. These three features are not a good combination. During my follicular phase, I'll wake up if one of our cats jumps on or off the bed and realise that I need to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I can't go, as I need to have at least four hours of concentrated urine to submit during the designated time for my fertility monitor. I must try to go back to sleep and dream about the Sahara desert...
It's Always 5 o'clock Somewhere...
Not that I am a huge drinker, but it's nice to know I can have a glass of wine after a stressful day, or accept an invite to join a friend for cocktails without needing an excuse for not drinking.
The Freedom from 'what if...'
At least for the next few months I can enjoy making plans without having to consider a possible pregnancy
Protection from disappointment
I've already lost due to the 'you can't win if you don't play' rules, which is frustrating in itself, but sometimes it's easier to accept being disqualified for a technicality than admitting that you failed outright.
Most of all, I will not be thinking that we could be one of the couples who conceive while they were taking a break.