Wednesday 10 July 2013

It's the Little Things...

When our friends Norm and Vera wed eight years ago, Norm's older brother served as Best Man and read "The Art of Marriage" by Wilfred Peterson during the ceremony.

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.
In the art of marriage the little things are the big things...

Of course, he tried to embarrass his younger brother on his big day, by strategically pausing and placing emphasis on the words little things. Referencing 'the little things' became the joke of the day among his University mates; as when the first of your friends is getting married, it's important to act like you're still twelve.

Oh, but the little things are the big things...

At least they are in InfertileWorld, where a simple event of my cycle starting a day earlier forced us to forgo an IUI attempt as Husband was out of town for part of the week leading up to the insemination. As I questioned the timing of my last cycle, which was scheduled around my business trip, it felt logical not to pursue a treatment that could be compromised in any way, and his return could be in time for scheduled coitus. It really felt like it was the right decision when I received a text from Husband informing me that he was going to be delayed overnight due to bad storms in Chicago (the ones that wrecked havoc for the dogs in the Non Sequitur Chica household).  I was so glad we weren't anticipating his timely arrival to proceed with an IUI. He begged and groveled to be put on a later flight headed to the Bay Area, and considered telling the airline agent, "I have to get home tonight, my wife is ovulating!"

Actually, I wasn't. Left to their own devices, my ovaries are very unpredictable. I've ovulated any time from day 12 to day 19, but most often I ovulated on day 15, which I hoped would be the case this cycle (cue laughter). Thursday morning on Day 15, I was still at 'medium'. I was a bit relieved as I was quite knackered after the 0155 airport pickup the night before (he was able to get on that later flight). Husband was a bit randy after being away for a week, but as I wasn't yet fertile, coitus could be delayed and I was able to go to bed at 9:30. Friday morning -Day 16- still medium. I was annoyed with my ovaries. I really wanted to keep my cycle starting on Friday so I can schedule my monitoring appointments on Saturday. It's these little details that can be so important. However, after recently discovering that my colleagues are taking quite a bit vacation time in the upcoming months, I decided I would start taking the entire day or half day for my appointments. After exhausting possible excuses, as I why I need to run out for an hour, I concluded that it's easier to be out for an extended amount of time. I've only used 6 vacation days plus a handful of half days so far this year, and I think I could be facing a 'use it, or lose it' situation with my personal time off. Maybe I'll even do something cliché like getting a facial or a pedicure. Actually, who am I kidding? I could swim with the noon group!

For a couple navigating irregular cycles to achieve conception, the logical antidote would be to engage in more acts of intercourse, right? Well, here is where we run into one of our other challenges. Husband, like most males in England and Europe, is not cut. That stupid superfluous piece of skin gets irritated easily and can put him out of commission. Thus, it makes it even more essential for us to get the timing right. (Impassioned plea to those of you having boys: circumcise! Especially if you may want grandchildren one day.) At times I feel like we're in some sort of Special Olympics of conception.

   Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?
That Friday night, as I was getting ready to leave work, I received a text from Husband: "Are we banging tonight or can I have a glass of wine?" I couldn't help but to indulge in one of those self pity moments. If we were a normal fertile couple, we would have banged the first chance we could, because that it what you do after one of you has been away for a while. A normal fertile couple would conceive that night; as if by magic, it would be her fertile time. I hated the fact that we were enslaved to my ovaries and his foreskin. I informed him that he didn't have to ask my permission to have a glass of wine. "Well, I have to check in with the plan." he replied. "You're the expert." "HA!" I retorted. When it comes to knowing when we need to schedule coitus, I feel as if I haven't a fucking clue. Additionally, at times it also feels that every decision I make seems to be wrong. I decided to say fuck it. Literally. The simple act of a husband and wife lying together in their marital bed can be considered a little thing, but flipping the finger to the process of trying to conceive, is most definitely a big thing.    

I thought that we could at least stay in the game this cycle; just the simple act of successfully getting the P in the VG during my fertile time would represent such a significant accomplishment for us, even if it didn't produce a pregnancy. However as the weekend progressed, my monitor did not. Panic set in -was this an anovulatory cycle? Not only is it necessary to view infertility as a chess match where you need to plot two to three months ahead, but you also have to worry about the domino effect. One little decision can yield big consequences. Should I have used my Femara just to keep my cycle on track? Why did I think I could rely on my unpredictable ovaries? By Monday (day 20 and still no peak fertility reading) I questioned if my monitor may have been inaccurate. My suspicion was confirmed when my progesterone level measured 5.9. Did I ovulate around the time of our carefree bang? I'm doubtful, but trying to conceive spontaneously now felt like a little issue.  Knowing that my ovies are still functioning is a big fucking deal.  

Other little things that are actually big things: A went into for a three month check up after starting his diabetes treatment . His fructosamine level (which is essentially a kitty A1C level) was within normal limits. He is back to his normal weight and the vet says that he looks great. She told me that I'm doing an outstanding job taking care of him. Yay! I'm a good kitty mummy. 

I recently injured my left shoulder as I crashed into the wall after miscalculating a backstroke turn, which delayed starting Cross-fit classes. I also had to stop swimming for nearly two weeks and I've been less motivated to run. After recently writing about breaking out of a mental block with my tennis stroke, I realised how much I miss playing. I used to play at a competitive level and participated in several different leagues and teams, but when we bought out house and renovation projects absorbed most of our time, I wasn't able to practice the 2-3 sessions per week that were required to maintain my current level. As a result, I haven't picked up my racquet in over a year and a half. A few clicks later, I was signed up for Cardio-tennis. It does give me a little pause to laugh; as when I was a competitive player, we ...kind of...made fun of the Cardio-tennis players. Okay, we made fun of certain Cardio-tennis players. There were two older women in the group who would shriek a la Maria Sharapova, despite the coach yelling "This is not the finals of Wimbledon! This is Cardio-tennis!" Anyway, I figured it would be a good way to get me out of my current fitness rut and get back on the court. I just never imagined I'd be participating in Cardio-tennis, but it's another example of finding myself somewhere I never expected to be...








12 comments:

  1. I know how you feel on the scheduled sex. Even though we're on a self-imposed break while I let the DHEA work its magic, I still kind of thought that we could at least time things right and maybe lightning would strike. But last month M was in Vegas for a bachelor party and now this month he's suffering from an infernal cold and sinus infection. Not exactly sexy. It's just one more monkey wrench in the whole screwed up works. You'd think at some point the universe would realize that it's moving into overkill territory, but apparently not. Sorry to hear about the shoulder injury. It always sucks when you're doing well with fitness only to be waylaid by your body! Get better soon.

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    1. It's like the Universe adds an exclamation point to your rejected request form. Continuing with my Austin Powers theme: throw me a friggin bone! For shits and giggles!

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  2. "I hated the fact that we were enslaved to my ovaries and his foreskin." LOL, I keep seeing two ovaries and a foreskin cracking a whip. And I was totally giggling at the Austin Powers references. Hooray for your kitty's good report! That's great news.

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  3. Yes, yes. I, too, now take exercise classes that I used to uh, make fun of, and actually like them. Thankfully, some of these new experiences are pleasant surprises.

    Oh, and I can't begin to tell you how much I relate to the woes related to the timing of current and upcoming cycles. You don't want to put your life on hold, but you also don't want to miss out on a month! Hey, you have a Hawaii trip coming up! You must be getting excited! (random thoughts coming late at night.....)

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    1. Total confessions: I took an Aqua aerobics class while I was rehabbing an injury -does wonders for your self esteem when you're the youngest, thinnest and fittest in a class!

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  4. I had no idea that uncircumcised penises had issues in the bedroom. If we have a boy I can't imagine why we wouldn't circumcise him, but that's just another reason!

    I walk past tennis courts in our neighborhood with our puppy almost every day and look at them longingly. I played tennis in college and would love to get back into it....but I won't be starting it back up any time soon!

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    1. Back when I was naive to IF, I thought if we had a boy, we'd leave him alone to be consistent with Dad. Now if we're in that situation, they're BOTH getting fixed! In hind sight, he should have gone under the knife when I did.
      Tennis surprisingly comes back quickly, on my first drill I hit two shots perfectly and thought "I've still got it" then I missed two in a row and thought again, "not yet..."

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  5. Hubby is not circumcised, he says most Latino's aren't (don't know if that part is true)

    **pause... my husband's friend just walked in the room as I was typing this comment and kept glancing weirdly at the screen. I'm sure he is wondering why I'm typing about Andino's penis on the internet...**

    Anyway, hubby gets a little redness from time to time too, but if we ever get pregnant and have a boy, we will probably just leave him au naturale.

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  6. Hope your'e able to get out of your fitness funk. That's always hard.

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  7. 1. This is exactly why I've always sucked at backstroke; I can't stop glancing behind me to see where the wall is and ultimately slowing down to a turtle's pace. Useless.

    2. Circumcision is SO controversial these days, but the reason you mention here is totally one of the reasons we plan on snipping our little boy. It sounds lame to be thinking about his sex life WAY down the road, but having dated a guy with foreskin, I also know that it can be a huge pain in the ass when it comes to cleaning it and dealing with it during sex, oral or vaginal or whatever. It's always just so fussy! My hubby is circumcised and he is most definitely not traumatized by the experience, nor does he wish he had foreskin. Anyway, that's that.

    3. I would really dump whatever monitor or OPK you have; if you're able to have sex every OTHER day, whenever your hubby is home, between day 10 and 16, I'm sure that'll cover all your bases. Those kits just always seem very inaccurate.

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    1. Unfortunately, he can't do every other day. We truly only have one shot each month and have to time it right. In hindsight he should have gone under the knife when I did

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  8. "Getting the P in the VG." I just love your way of putting things! Lol. The stress of timing things just right is unbelievable. It makes you wonder how its even remotely possible for normal fertile people to get pregnant so easy, when we KNOW how everything has to be just right for it to happen. Obviously it's harder for us, but it just blows my mind how easy it is for others.

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