Friday, 13 September 2013

Oh, Yes...I did.

Shortly after AF's arrival announced the failure of our final IUI, I sent a text to Myrtle.

20 bucks. In-laws set to arrive in ten days and I'm still not pregnant. It's contributions to my Mai Tai fund.

Her response: Ughh ok I will begrudgingly pay!

I wanted her to know that I didn't forget about her bet. A year ago, just before little Myrtle was born, we were texting about whether my in-laws would actually make the trip. "I'll bet you $10 they don't come" she offered. Then she added, "Actually, I'll be collecting $20 from you. $10 for your in-laws staying home and $10 for you getting pregnant." I was less than a year into my TTC and infertility journey, but it just seemed inappropriate to be wagering on my uterus.

I truly know that she means well and doesn't quite know what to say in this situation, but it just resonated that she's been wrong with so many predictions. When I first disclosed that we were getting off to a slow start, she confidently assured me "it will happen!". As I was still naive at that time, I didn't feel I had much cause to doubt her. After I informed her of Husband's diagnosis of moderate male factor infertility; she proclaimed, "I still think you'll conceive on your own." Her blind faith astounded me, but I couldn't help read into her emphasis on a spontaneous conception. Was she some how implying that there would be something inferior about a pregnancy achieved with assisted reproduction?

After I flew out to Connecticut to host her baby shower, she sent me a thank you card and included a note, "I know in my heart that I'll be throwing a similar event for you soon." Yeah, more than a year later is not exactly soon... although it's a moot point as I wouldn't want her (or anyone) to arrange a shower for me. Finally, on her Christmas card she wrote "...and now we ring in 2013 which will be your year!" To be fair, I think she sent it after I received my BFP and before my miscarriage. Her experience found that positive pregnancy test equals baby. She didn't know that you have to hold your breath for a few serial ultrasounds. Although 2013 has been my year to achieve some personal best swim times, complete two more half marathons, start cross fit classes and return to the tennis court; not that Myrtle ever asks about those events.

I wanted to prove a point. That predictions based only on hopeful thinking are not only irritating at the time the words are spoken, but they add to our ever present disappointment when they don't come true. Additionally, there is some concern that I could also be forced to hear her say 'See, I told you so!' if I were to become pregnant; you know as if she truly had psychic powers to back up her insight. Although I'd be willing to take one on the chin in that situation. It's simple; don't make empty promises -especially ones with a time frame.

Thankfully, Myrtle didn't point out that I did in fact spontaneously conceive, so technically she was correct with two of her assertions. I didn't want to counter that a pregnancy that didn't even make it to the first ultrasound appointment is not what either of us had in mind. A few minutes later, she sent another text asking if I had received an email from the Commish. A few years ago, a friend of Myrtle's husband invited us all to join an NFL elimination pool. Participants must pick a winning team each week (can only select a team once) to remain in the draw and the last person standing wins the pot. I don't have much interest in American Football, but I enjoy the strategic aspect of the challenge. Myrtle is actually much better at guessing NFL winners than she is at forecasting my fertility and usually stays in the pool the longest out of me and our die-hard football fan husbands.

I confirmed that I did receive his email and intended to participate this season. In his message,  the Commish announced that this year's contest is brought to you by the letter 'O' and the number '3'. "As in, Oops! We now have 3 kids!" Sheesh, not even an NFL elimination pool is safe from someone flaunting his fertility. Myrtle offered that she could pay my $20 entry fee. "Thanks, that would be great." I accepted, mentally thinking that I would be applying that earning on to a chance to win $4,000. That's the cost of my stims, GPD testing or a FET! Infertility treatments themselves are a gamble, is it so far fetched to be gambling for them?


  1. This entry reveals that most of my posts lag about a week behind the present time. There were 258 who enterted the pool, so $5,160 is up for grabs. I selected the Colts to prevail over the Raiders, so I'm one of the 205 who survived to Week 2. Myrtle and little Myrtle are still in (they showed her pictures of team logos for her to pick) and our husbands are out already. Any team suggestions are appreciated!

  2. It always annoyed the heck out of me when people would say "you WILL get pregnant," or "this (treatment) WILL work!" Ummm, actually it might not happen. We can HOPE I will happen, but in reality, it might not. Wow. That sounds really negative on my part. I'm sorry. I just wanted to back up your point!

    I never would have imagines Myrtle being so into the whole football thing! I would be no help in helping you choose, but I do wish you luck.

  3. I hate when people spout these kinds of platitudes because it feels like they just want to brush the issue away and wave their hands and say "Oh, it'll happen!" when we know it's entirely possible it won't. I'd much rather have someone say to me that they are sorry and they really hope the best for me. It's genuine and realistic.

  4. My sister did the same thing when we were first TTC. She got "premonitions" and had dreams about me being pregnant and all of that. Honestly, it made me more stressed out than if she would have said nothing at all. It was like added pressure! Now she wisely says nothing besides, "Good luck."