I feel fortunate that some of our IRL friends maintain a respectful distance with regard to our infertility treatments. They check in to ask how we're doing, but don't ask for specific details. They figure we'll announce when we have news to tell. Recently, we went out to dinner with our child free by choice friends H+B and I gave them an update about our FET. She responded by saying, "We're really hoping that this works for you guys, but if it doesn't; life is still really good on our side..."
I really appreciated her honesty, and I was thankful for her willingness to address the reality that this may not work. It was also an encouraging reminder that we will be okay. Most of all, I preferred her words to the alternative; it will happen!
It will happen. Another cringe inducing phrase for infertiles. I once had someone tell me that it's not just a fluffy sentiment, friends really mean that it will happen. I do appreciate their underlying intention. What they actually mean is 'I WISH it will happen,' or 'I WANT this to happen for you'. No, they do not truly know if it will happen or not. Seriously, if anyone has the ability to see into the future, he or she may want to check out some winning Powerball numbers, rather than my uterus.
The other annoyance of the 'it will happen' platitude is that it can be dismissive, which is a bit insensitive. A fellow blogger once described that others figure if they tell us what we want to hear, we'll shut up and stop talking about this infertility stuff that makes them feel uncomfortable. It's not really what we want to hear at all. Such a statement is akin to the proverbial ostrich with its head in the sand. It fosters a denial of reality, which is not necessarily helpful. The echos of such words only invoke more pain if it doesn't happen. If you go out on the limb with such a promise, there is a steep fall when the bough breaks.