Saturday 21 March 2015

"You Work on Commission, Don't You?"

Like many women in my age group, I probably have seen the movie Pretty Woman a few hundred times. One of my favourite scenes is when Julia Roberts returns to the snooty Rodeo Drive dress shop all dolled up in the posh threads purchased by her [ahem] employer. "Hi, I was here yesterday and you wouldn't wait on me," she reminds the saleswomen. "Big Mistake." she announces as she holds up all her shopping bags "Huge!" she adds for extra emphasis as she makes her grand exit. Yet, to appreciate that scene, one has to remember the earlier scene when she walks in wearing her hooker clothes.

"Oh, I don't think we have anything in your size..." The first sales woman subtly tries to discourage her.
"It's very expensive!" The second one tries harder to make her feel uncomfortable
Finally they take the direct approach. "We don't have anything for you. You're obviously in the wrong place. Please leave."

I recently purchased a baby shower gift for my friend in LA who is due in a few more weeks. She was registered at a popular baby supply store and upon completing my order, I was asked if I wanted to sign up for email notifications, and if so, I could receive a 20% off any one item coupon. Well, hell yeah! About 80% of my in-box gets deleted anyway, so why not delete some more for a 20% discount. However, the devil is always in the details. The offer excluded almost every major brand name baby retailer and would expire in just over a week. Although we had decided not to purchase any items until reaching viability, exceptions could be made when we're talking about potential savings. I had Co-worker take a look at the details to help me determine how I could best stretch my dollar given the limitations. "Hmm... well, this excludes just about everything." She deduced. "How about a Sophie doll? They're pretty expensive." I enquired about how much. "Twenty dollars." she replied. I silently sighed. That would only save four dollars. I don't think she quite grasped the purpose of my mission. I decided I would go to the store and just ask a salesperson how I can best use the coupon. I may try to keep my pride intact in front of my family and friends, but I have no qualms about looking like a chav in front of a complete stranger.

I entered the address to the store into my car's navigation system. It was actually right next to a Best.Buy that we've frequented many times over the past seven years and I never noticed the baby supply store next door. I walked through the front entrance and I froze. Yes, I expected the store to be full of baby related products, but it felt so overwhelming at that moment. There was a long queue of mostly very pregnant woman at the Customer Service desk. I felt as if they were staring at me. Suddenly I felt very self conscious. I was still in my gym clothes, but that wasn't the reason. My bump felt invisible at that moment. Despite the fact that my bump was first noticed and is most evident in my workout attire, I still have people telling me, "You're five months pregnant! You can barely tell!" It is much to my delight, but at that moment, I really wished I looked more pregnant than fat. As I watched the sales team helping other pregnant women, I started to feel singled out. Suddenly, I became terrified that I would be approached by a manger who would tell me that I didn't belong here and that I needed to leave.

I wanted to walk out of the store right then and there, but I really needed to pee, so I headed to the bathroom. As soon as I entered the stall, the tears started to fall. Then I started sobbing. "Are you all right?" the woman in the next stall enquired. That was my cue to pull myself together. "Yes, I am." I lied. I couldn't expect a complete stranger to understand why it was so hard for me to be in a baby supply store. Deep breath Jane... C'mon. You can do this! 

Fortunately, my meltdown consumed enough time to allow the queue to dissipate. I showed the agent my coupon and basically asked what was the most expensive item that would be eligible for the discount.  The girl just looked back at me "Well, what do you need?" she asked, probably thinking O-M-G, How tacky! and she's not even pregnant! "Everything." I replied, which most likely confirmed her thoughts. "Well, it just applies to these brands. There are other brands. You may want to check out the car seat or strollers" she suggested. Maybe a stroller would be a good place to start. I went to that section of the store and took some pictures of a few models so I could research them when I got home.

Then I looked around the store again. Next to me was a woman with her toddler looking for tandem strollers. One woman brought a doll so that she could try on baby carriers. Another couple was walking around the the scanning gun. There was a woman who kept her hand on her bump, it made me wonder if it were glued to her shirt. Once again, I felt as if I didn't belong. I've seen enough, it's time to get the fuck out of here... I thought to myself. Then I received a swift kick from Jate. As daft as it sounds, I felt as if he or she were echoing my thoughts, Hell yeah! We need to get the fuck out of here! While I can't say I approve of the language, I couldn't help to think that my kid understands me! More so, it was the validation that I needed. I only needed one person to recognise me as a mother. I may never be welcomed by the Mommy and Me crowd. I may never feel like I fit in with the other Soccer Moms. I just need to feel that I belong to Jate.

16 comments:

  1. Heh, sounds so familiar. I don't know if I would have ever gotten the nerve to go into the baby or maternity stores with my mom/MIL towing me. You're right though, the most important connection is with Jate. And the shopping thing does get easier. (Maybe even too easy some days lol).

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  2. Sheesh. The first time I went into Babies r us I was so intimidated. There was like a WALL of different bottles. It was so overwhelming. I felt like an intruder since I was barely showing but was still happy to be in the club :). I love those reassuring kicks!!

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  3. I definitely don't think you are alone in your feeling out of place in a baby store. It's a very bizzarre place to be when it's something you've wanted for such a long time and had trouble getting to that place. For me, I also felt awkward because I was "so old." I do think, at least for me, it does get easier. I kind of felt like a fraud even after my babies were born, but that feeling slowly slipped away as I dove further into motherhood. I still feel awkward and out of place in some mom groups though....

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  4. I don't blame you for a second. I didn't set foot in a baby store until I was well into my seventh month and visibly pregnant. On top of that I brought the buffers of M and my MIL, who were super enthusiastic and helped me pick out stuff to register for. It felt weird. It still does. The other day I had to go to the hardware store to pick up light bulbs and I parked in the spot NEXT to the expectant mom spot. No one would have blinked at my girth getting out of the car, and yet I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

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  5. I love this post. Would you believe I STILL feel like that every time I enter one of those baby supply chain stores? Even when I'm there with my babies in tow! XO

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  6. Uh, yes.

    I still feel like I have to justify being there... if I go in without Babykins I want to announce that the baby is in the car (with Dad) or a home or whatever. Lots of times I don't let it out but I still think it.

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  7. I love your ending.
    Whenever you are ready to brace purchases, I'm happy to recommend a great local store. We got a few big items there, and everything else online. Not sure I can handle the big stores, even now.

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  8. That sounds so stressful! I am not pregnant yet so every time I go into a baby supply store it's for someone else. I keep my emotions as distant as possible from the people and items around me. The only experience that I can relate your experience there is when I go to a kid's party. Everyone there has kids except for us. Talk about not belonging somewhere.

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  9. So stressful and overwhelming! But I love that you were able to recognize that your connection to Jate is the one that really matters.

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  10. I felt so much like that, myself! I always felt self-conscious parking in the "expecting mothers" parking spots. I'd been in a few times for baby shower presents, and I almost felt like I had to make it clear I was only there for a gift, like I wasn't "pretending" to be pregnant--almost like I would be thought of a getting above my station, somehow. Then when I was pregnant, it felt very weird. Oh, how's this for out-of-place? I never POAS-ed, so when I found out the treatments had finally worked, it was because I got a call from my RE's nurse. It was the first time I'd actually been at my phone when she called; I was just returning from lunch. She told me, and as soon as I got over the shock, I turned the car right back around. I was about to deliver lunch to my husband, so I went by the store and bought a bib that said "Daddy's Little Helper" or something, which I promptly hid in his lunch bag as my way of telling him. So the first time I went in as a pregnant woman was within 15 minutes of finding out! We didn't go back for real until much later, but you can bet that felt out-of-place.

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  11. I feel like I have the world's smallest bump and going into baby goods stores makes me feel like the biggest frauds. Do women only go there once they're hugely pregnant? Did I miss a pregnancy memo? Sigh, I'm sure it's just the first of many.

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  12. I am hugely pregnant and still feel weird going to baby stores, or even the baby section of Target. I just kind of sneak in and out and hope no one sees me.

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  13. Although I am barely 5 seconds pregnant I did debate on parking in the expectant mother spot just because it was raining and I felt lazy. Maybe also because who knows how long this pregnancy would last. I can imagine all of this baby store stuff is awkward but glad your lil one reminded you that you are in this together :)

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  14. Those stores always make me uncomfortable and I avoid them as much as possible! I was in a setting where I was forced to be social with a bunch of SAHMs the other day, and I felt so very out of place. But so glad baby brought your attention back to what really matters. Screw the rest of them!

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  15. Haha. I still feel out of place in those stores. I only go there now when I have a coupon and really need something and can't wait to order it online. It's all very overwhelming at first. Glad Jate gave you a little reminder that you belong there as much as anyone else.

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  16. I'm a new reader and I really related to this post. Though not pregnant right now, I've had two miscarriages and zero take home babies. Shopping for gifts for pregnant friends or family can be an excruciating experience. I've wondered how I would feel in one of those stores if I was pregnant, if I would still feel like an impostor. Seems like your little one has excellent timing.

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