Other than Cancer, Colitis, or Chlamydia, I don't think there is a more dreaded 'C' word diagnosis than Colic. I briefly recall the nurse at our baby class reviewed some of the typical profile features in parents who have colicky babies; scientists, computer programmers, people who deal with numbers and/or logistical reasoning. I'm not quite sure why, but for some reason, I just tuned her out when she mentioned the 'C' word. Husband listened carefully as he noted that we (although mostly him) seemed to fit that description perfectly.
The first two night at home with Jate were tough. She cried for about four hours before finally settling. For some reason, we didn't panic. She was getting used to being in her new home, we were still learning to care for her without the safety net of the nurses in the hospital. We searched the internet for ideas and things started to improve. She settled into a pattern of eating every 2-3 hours and we could get her changed, fed and back to bed in under an hour! Around day 7, she started to become a little fussier, which our internet research confirmed was likely due to a growth spurt. However, her fussy periods were isolated to the day time, which we felt we could manage. Two days before her two week mark, she exhibited her best day ever. She fed more frequently, closer to every two hours, but it was a day without any fussy episodes. We thought we had figured out her routine and that we had a 'good' baby. Then it all went pear shaped.
The night before her two week check up she returned to the inconsolable crying she had exhibited on her first nights. We noted that her abdomen seemed distended and chalked it up to gas. We had an appointment with the pediatrician then next day. He looked at the picture of her distended belly and commented that she was likely very uncomfortable, which would explain her crying, but he issued the c-o-l-i-c warning. I was in denial. My baby didn't have colic; it was just tummy troubles. We gave her Gripe Water and Simeticone, and performed various baby massage techniques, which seemed to settle her stomach. Yet the crying didn't stop.
Once again, it seemed that we had managed to fall in the unfavourable side of the statistics. We hit the colicky baby lottery. "The good news about colic," offered the ever optimistic Co-worker, "is that it's only a few hours a day and it's temporary!" Only it wasn't isolated to a few hours a day. Her crying was non-stop. All day. And all night. Nothing would soothe this baby. I thought I was so prepared as I read The Happiest Baby on the Block cover to cover before her arrival. She's basically told the 5 S's that they can shove it. We have a Sleep Sheep and a White Noise machine. Not helping. Noises from the vacuum, washing machine and dishwasher? Nothing. Not the bouncy seat. Not even the Rock and Play. My parents (especially my dad) will sometimes be successful with rocking her, but she doesn't seem to respond if I try it. I think she just appreciates me to be her food source. Ours is more of a business relationship. The one thing that will work to get her to sleep is a walk in her pram. However, she'll scream her head off for the first few minutes as we walk down the block, which invites stares from the neighbours, as I can feel their judgement. What a terrible mother she must be!
I cry inconsolably too. Husband and my mum and dad have all tried to reassure me that this isn't my fault. I'm not doing anything wrong. It's the colic and colic sucks. Intellectually, I can accept this. It's much harder to grasp it emotionally. I feel so unprepared and inadequate. That I'm not meeting my baby's needs. I know how fortunate we are to have a healthy full term baby, given all the potential pregnancy complications, and I know we're so blessed to have a baby at all. I still feel as if it might be some type of pay back. A reminder that maybe there was a reason why we couldn't conceive on our own, and this is our punishment for side stepping the natural order.
Colic starts between 2-3 weeks, peaks at 6 weeks and disappears by 3-4 months. We've been searching everything we can find on The Google about colic, looking for one more trick to try, but that line keeps haunting me. This is my going to be my life; not for the next few days or weeks, but months. Colic is going to consume my maternity leave. I'll be begging to go back to work. According to my paperwork from the DS, I'm still scheduled to go back 6 weeks after my delivery date. Give me a schedule full of patients with chronic pelvic pain. Anything will be easier that this. I'm almost afraid to be around her. How will I be able to bond with her? So many people have told me, "enjoy this time! They'll never be this little again!" Yet, I can't wait to get past this point in time.
No one said it would be easy, but I never thought it would be this hard. At least a dozen times a day, we express our gratitude that she was a singleton. Amanda G, Jen S, Amber, Kimberly Q, Audrey, Unprolific, Suzanne and Co-worker; you all are my heroes for having twins. Husband has done the maths on how many days until we hit the three month mark. I know there is light at the end of this tunnel and that it will get better. It just seems so far away. I focus not just getting through the day, but managing hour to hour. My parents have been so helpful, watching her so I can take a shower or grab something to eat. I know I need to take advantage of their assistance while they are here, but it makes me feels as if I am unable to care for my baby and it serves to remind me that I'll have to cope when they leave.
I thought dealing with infertility was hard. I know how to cope with the emotional aftermath of a failed transfer, but it didn't prepare me for this. Or did it? There were times we could have stopped pursuing treatments. I had proclaimed that I'd never do IVF. If we did decided to try IVF, we'd only do one cycle. Jate came into our lives because we were persistent. It's time to apply that persistence again. Start over with the 5 S's. Try the baby carrier again. Give the Rock and Play another go. What didn't work yesterday might work today. We just have to keep trying something. It will get better. It has to.
We used probiotic in breast milk bottles one a day and it wad very helpful with colic. It is hard. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Truly, I think the only reason I survived the twin infant stage was because they did not have colic! I can't imagine. Thinking of you!! xo
ReplyDeleteMy auto-correct changed 'Aubrey' to 'Audrey'. I hope you know I was referring to you! You are even more my hero with three!
DeleteDeep breaths...You can be the most calm and collected professional putting out fires left and right, but incessant crying will push you to the edge of sanity. I've had days when I sobbingly begged him to please stop crying. He was never diagnosed with colic, but when I nixed dairy and soy from my diet (per ped gastro) he was back to his chipper self, albeit clingy as all hell. You're doing a great job Jane! It may not always seem like it, but she knows exactly who you are and desperately wants no one more than you. It will get better, especially when she starts smiling at you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that it's hard. I have no advice regarding colic, but I know you are doing the best you can and Jate is well cared for. She knows you are there for her even if she is screaming. It's OK not to like this stage. They do change so fast and there are other stages you will like more. :-) Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteOh, I am so SO sorry. My postpartum emotions still can't handle much crying, and I'm six months into this. I can go from being on top of the world to thinking the whole world is ending within 30 seconds of my baby crying. I don't have much advice because it sounds like you have tried it all, but a moby wrap and a yoga ball did help a lot for us. I bounced my daughter and pounded her back like crazy to get the gas out. And the moby keeps her close and your hands free while you do it.
ReplyDeleteI really hope this gets better and that you are able to enjoy your maternity leave!
Oh Jane, I'm so sorry. But I think I understand this better than anybody. Like, I JUST lived this. I'm with you. I still have nightmares about the days he cried all day, non-stop, no matter what I did. I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking that I hear him screaming.
ReplyDelete"I cry inconsolably too. Husband and my mum and dad have all tried to reassure me that this isn't my fault. I'm not doing anything wrong. It's the colic and colic sucks. Intellectually, I can accept this. It's much harder to grasp it emotionally. I feel so unprepared and inadequate. That I'm not meeting my baby's needs. I know how fortunate we are to have a healthy full term baby, given all the potential pregnancy complications, and I know we're so blessed to have a baby at all. I still feel as if it might be some type of pay back. A reminder that maybe there was a reason why we couldn't conceive on our own, and this is our punishment for side stepping the natural order."--I thought every single one of these thoughts. I absolute get everything you're thinking.
I'm not going to offer advice. You've read Happiest Baby. You're an intelligent woman. I know you've done your research. You're doing EVERYTHING you can do. What I will offer is this: it WILL get better, and it will get better incrementally. So while colic may last until three-four months, you'll likely start to notice some changed around 8-10 weeks. For me that was the end of maternity leave and I was SO sad that I had missed my chance to bond with him…don't buy that lie for one second. Garrison LOVES me. Like his face lights up the moment he sees me. It's the BEST thing in the whole wide world. And baby girl already knows and loves you far more intimately than Garrison did me. She doesn't prefer anyone over you, she's simply miserable, and whoever helps her feel even a teensy bit better for a moment gets the relief from the screams.
You're doing a GREAT job! Email me if you need/want someone to talk to. It absolutely, without a doubt will get easier. Hang in there.
Oh so sorry to hear you are in the thick of it right now. Paloma was the same way from 3-10 weeks. I think it was mostly due to the overactive letdown giving her tummy trouble. Like Jate, a walk outside was usually the easiest way to please her. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Jane!! We had one very fussy baby & one pretty chill baby- it's funny because now they are the opposite. It is hard! I remember just trying to get theough the hours until their "bedtime." It does get better!! And I agree with others that things seem to start to get better around 8ish weeks. Are you swaddling? We used the miracle blankets- like little baby straight jackets but worked wonders & when they were in that fussy phase we used them at night & w/ naps. Hang in there!! Let your parents help you while they are available. Going back to work is hard too & I was lucky & got 12 wks off. You can do it!!!
ReplyDeletePost-delivery and you are still keeping it real. I so appreciate that. I feel like all women who dealt with infertility should have textbook deliveries and easy newborns. It's only fair! I am sure you're getting lots of advice. The only thing I can add is trying the football hold. It worked well with really challenging infants in my care as a nanny and an early childhood professional. I will only add that I have faith in you! You'll get through this period!
ReplyDeleteMy miracle FET baby had colic too and I can still barely think about those first weeks without crying myself. It got a lot better for us at the 7 week make and now she's the happiest almost 6 month old. The only thing that worked for us was an exercise ball. We'd swaddle her tightly, give her a pacifier, then hold her as we bounced, and bounced, and bounced on that ball.
ReplyDeleteI've just been reading other people's comments and noticed that a couple of people recommended bouncing on a yoga ball. I have a ball chair in the baby's room and it works great for bouncing to soothe. http://www.staples.ca/en/Safco-Zenergy-Ball-Chair-Black/product_100764_2-CA_1_20001 Same effect as a yoga ball but more stable, and you can still inflate it to whatever height you want. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're dealing with a colicky baby. Mine was colicky too, and it was so tough. It was hard to hear other women talk glowingly of their snuggly newborns and make comments like, "Now's the time to take them out to dinner with you, they just sleep!" Um, we really were unable to take her anywhere. Most days of my maternity leave last summer were spent in a dark room, nursing and soothing. I'll share what worked for me just in case there is something you haven't tried. We followed the principles of the 5 s's, but we had to ramp everything up many notches. I think during the worst of it, I had multiple sound machines including a hair dryer--yep. We slept (I was in the room with her) with a hair dryer on all night for many weeks. I bought one that could just run on cool. So I bounced with the hair dryer on and that helped. We got a prescription for Zantac when she was 3 months. I'm not sure if she outgrew it within a few weeks after that or if the Zantac helped, but it's worth a try. The brand of gripe water that worked for us was called "Colic Calm." They didn't sell it at Target but CVS had it. I also got really despondent (versus comforted) when I heard they would outgrow it in a few months. That felt like forever during the worst of it. But not every day was terrible. There were hard hours, hard nights, hard days. But there were also good hours and even good days and nights. When nursing got easier for us, that helped tremendously because I just basically nursed her all the time.
ReplyDeleteIt's really easy to blame yourself and also feel guilty that you can't seem to soothe your baby. Just remember you're doing your best. It helped me to hear from other moms going through what I'd gone through and it helped me to hear that their babies eventually became happy and easy-going. So I will tell you--honestly--that my baby because the happiest little creature around 5 months. She's still intense, she's still not a great sleeper. But she is just a cheerful, calm, cautious little girl now. No remnant of her inconsolable self remains.
Lastly, if you haven't seen it yet, this site was helpful to me:
http://www.thefussybabysite.com/
One more thing. (This is winifredfrancis.wordpress.com--it wouldn't let me sign in under that name.) The one "bouncer" that worked for us was the Mamaroo. Yes, it was $200. It was worth every last penny. It didn't put her to sleep on her own but it kept her asleep longer.
ReplyDeleteOh no! We didn't have colic but we had a pretty bad witching hour every evening where they just cried nonstop. They never cared for rocking in the chair but bouncing on an exercise ball (sometimes quite vigorously) seemed to help. I wish I had some good advice for colic.
ReplyDeleteAs for crying uncontrollably yourself, I did that, too. It's all part of these first months. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are doing a great job. For me, the first few months were all about survival. You do the best you can. I did what I could to make it from one feeding to the next and some days that meant I never even got out of my pajamas. It will get easier. I'm sorry you are having such a rough start.
Oh Jane. That sounds so hard. I don't have any advice, but wanted to tell you your last sentences spoke to me. Remember, we survived infertility. We have come out that much stronger for it. Hugs to you. I'm sorry it's been so hard. That crying would make me sob too.
ReplyDeleteMy son will be 4 months old in 2 weeks. If you had told me a couple of months ago that in a few weeks I would have a smiley, giggly, delightful baby who only cried when hungry or tired, I would have laughed in your face. And then immediately burst into tears, because oh my was I feeling depressed, defeated and inadequate. This website really helped my husband and me: http://purplecrying.info.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing it all right; I always tell myself that babies are just little aliens who are learning to be humans and some have a harder time than others. Hearing "it passes" doesn't really help (at least it didn't me), so I'll just say I feel your pain freshly and deeply and you are very far from alone. Wishing you the best.
Oh sh*t Jane. I wish that I had some advice on colic for you guys. I would be thinking the same thoughts as you and probably crying just as much. Please know that you are doing a great job despite the crying!
ReplyDeleteA neighbor told me that all kids have phases. Right now this colic-y phase SUCKS but you guys will get through it one day at a time. HUGS.
It *does* get better, like everybody has said. It can take a while, and that part really does suck. There's no getting around that it sucks, and you try to stay strong during the day and remember you're doing a great job, and then night comes and all you can do is cry and try not to dwell on the thoughts that, somehow, you're inadequate. (You're not!) Some babies are also, confoundingly, more dissatisfied with their lot in life in the first few months, but it really does get to be wonderful!
ReplyDeleteI'll only give one piece of advice because it's very specific. The ONLY white noise my daughter would respond to is Baby Got Colic, a complicated white noise track you can find on YouTube. I've known other moms who said it was like magic for their kids, as well. It didn't work as well for my son, but seriously, when the vacuum and the tv static stopped working, Baby Got Colic saved us for a while. If you haven't heard of it and tried it yet, give it a shot and see if she responds.
Oh Jane, I'm so sorry. There's nothing worse than hearing your tiny baby cry inconsolably and feeling like you can't do anything to help. My Rylee didn't have colic, but she had other issues. The first 3 months of her life were so difficult! If she was awake, she cried. Thank goodness her brother was such an incredibly calm and happy baby! And those post pregnancy hormones are a b*tch! I'm glad your parents have been able to help. Of course they'll have to go home eventually, but hopefully you all will settle into a routine that will work. As much as we all say it'll go by quickly, it doesn't help in the moment. The saying "the years are short and the days are long" is so spot on. Hang in there, Friend! It WILL get better.
ReplyDeleteIt will get better. It's just a matter of finding a few things that work. Though Lucy wasn't diagnosed with colic, we were educated on the period of purple crying. It was during this time period that we learned that Lucy WANTED to cry herself to sleep. Yes, we had to just put her in her crib, all alone, and walk out of her room so she could cry herself to sleep. Wishing you some peace.
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