Once I arrived home, I had to break it to Husband that this pregnancy wasn't viable and there wouldn't be any good news awaiting us in a week's time. My main concern at that time was excluding a possible tubal pregnancy, which could impair our fragile fertility even further by damaging a tube. I just wanted this pregnancy to be resolved as soon as possible so we could move on as quickly as we could.
"Fail fast, fail cheap" Husband commented, describing how pharmaceutical companies acknowledge that if a test drug is bound to fail, they want it to occur early without a major investment of time and money. "Firstly," I told husband " I want to be resolved by next week, so I can set a personal best during kicking time trials at the pool next week. I have 400 yards to release all our frustrations related to infertility and the miscarriage." He just looked at me and said "I love you." Above all else, I would always know how blessed I was to have such a loving and supportive husband.
I woke up the next morning and discovered that the bleeding had become heavier. What a difference a day can make. The pink spots that brought terror and panic have been replaced with bright red streaks that are welcomed and encouraged. Despite the immense disappointment and sadness, I feel that I am fortunate is some ways. I'm relieved that we learned the pregnancy was not viable sooner rather than later. It could have been so much worse if we had seen a heartbeat on the initial ultrasound, only to have the pregnancy go on to fail. I'm happy that nature seems to be taking it's course and I won't need a D+C. We will be able to try again soon, and won't be loosing much time.
As frustrating as it is to miscarry after finally having a spontaneous conception, and thinking we could have avoided the costs of infertility treatments, I can't help to think it would be harder to process if we had paid for an intervention. I'm glad that the bleeding started before my scheduled appointment. It was much easier to face the ultrasound anticipating bad news, rather than believing that everything could be well and being disappointed before my eyes. I also learned for possible future reference that it is best to schedule any ultrasound appointments at the end of the day, when I don't have to go back to work. I'm happy that at this point in the process, I can ease my sorrows with a glass of wine. At quarter past eight on Tuesday evening, I miscarried my pregnancy.