Wednesday 6 February 2013

Religion and Politics

I know these two topics are the controversial issues that should be avoided in most discussions, but I feel they are important conversations to have, so I'm going to make an attempt to explore. Starting with my own religious upbringing; my mother was raised Catholic, my father was Lutheran, they eloped and didn't attend church until I was 5. We joined a Congregational church that was close to our house and became active in the church community. My father served as a Deacon, my mother joined the women's group. I sung in the choir and eventually became a Sunday School teacher. When I was of the age to start classes for confirmation, I was denied entry as I hadn't been baptised. My parents let me chose my godparents (I chose Myrtle's parents) and I was baptised at the age of 13, just one week before my confirmation. I have since converted to atheism (I could start a whole new blog about that...) but I feel it was still necessary to have that religious exposure early in my life to have the perspective I have today. I have a lot of respect for those who find a role for God in their lives, but it just doesn't fit with where I am now.

My parents are pretty open minded people, and they made an effort to set that example for me. When I was 12 and wanted to watch the moving Dirty Dancing, my mother had to explain the abortion issue with me. She presented it as what it was; didn't reference if it were good or bad and didn't offer her own opinion. When a gay couple moved next door, my parents also gave a matter of fact description (which was much like Phoebe's song on Friends "Sometimes men love women, sometimes men love men, and then there are bisexuals, but some just say they're kidding themselves...la,la, lah, la-la") They didn't offer any commentary. My father was a registered Republican, while my mother is a Democrat. During the 1992 election campaign, they made me watch both conventions to determine my own party affiliation.

Somehow I don't feel that I could be that patient or tolerant. Maybe it a reflection of our changing times, but it we do have a child, I'll lay it out to him or her; you will be pro-choice, you will support LGBT rights and you will register as a Democrat. However, when it comes to religion, I don't want to be that determining. I would like him or her to have adequate exposure and arrive at their own conclusion. I will hope that he or she would chose atheism, or at least chose a religion that doesn't condemn me and Husband for being atheists.

A few weeks ago, Myrtle and I were speaking on the phone and were trying to wrap up the conversation. We each had tried to explain why we needed to hang up and get on with our day, which only let to talking about a new topic. On the third attempt to close, she mentioned, "I know this is awkward to ask you, since you don't believe in God, and it requires you to provide 'spiritual guidance' but I wanted to ask you if you wanted to be a godparent first, otherwise I'll ask Helen (a college friend)". My first thought to myself was to acknowledge that I couldn't accept. How could I perform in the capacity of providing spiritual guidance when it's something I don't believe in? How wrong would it be for me to stand in a church and agree to this commitment with my fingers crossed behind my back? I don't want to be disingenuous just to accept a title if I don't really deserve it. I have imagined that my role in providing spiritual guidance to little Myrtle would be if she wants to question the existence of   God and learn about atheism. Can you be an anti-godparent?

I politely declined her offer and shared our conversation with Husband later that day. He was really pissed at me firstly for not discussing it with him (he is absolutely right, I should have) and for turning down the offer apparently, I could refuse. He was annoyed when none of his friends back in England selected him as a godparent (presumably because of the distance; again my fault) and saw little Myrtle as his only shot. I questioned which was more important to him, the title or being true to his beliefs? However the doubt was creeping in my mind and I was regretting answering so hastily. As Myrtle's parents are my godparents would it not complete a circle to be little Myrtle's godparents? Myrtle is the closest thing I have to a sister and was bestowing a great honour to me. Should I not have been so selfish and set aside my own beliefs for the benefit of those around me?

I arrived at my own conclusion and I accept the consequences of my words. Interestingly, I conferred with some of my religious friends who felt that being a godparent was more of a social role as they felt that they didn't necessarily receive any spiritual guidance from their own godparents. I also consulted a few atheist friends, and a few thought I should have accepted. "God is abstract, but people are real," one told me. I also realised how much heavier the regret will be if I don't ever have a child of my own and I passed on being a godparent.

Surrounded by my own remorse, I did the next logical thing; question the sincerity of Myrtle's offer. It was a 'by the way' as we were hanging up the phone. We would be seeing her in two weeks, she could have asked both of us in person. Was she really just giving me first refusal, or getting my blessing before asking Helen? Myrtle's husband is Catholic and I'm sure it would appease her mother in law to have a genuine practicing Catholic as her granddaughter's godmother. When Myrtle got engaged, she delicately approached me about having Helen serve as her Maid of Honour. I was actually happy to be relieved of the duty, as it would have been difficult due to my busy schedule and the cross country distance. I told her that I know what she and I mean to each other and I didn't need a title to prove it. Myrtle send me a text after she asked Helen to be godparent and acknowledged, "you two are already family, you don't need the title as godparents."  

9 comments:

  1. In case you need a little gushing today, let me just say I love yoru blog! I love how you address serious topics like there. I burst out laughing when you said you would force your children to support LGBT issues and resgiter as Democrats! Good luck with that! What if their style of disobedience is voting tea party!? But I totally feel the same way - my kids will have a religion called tolerance. I go to a Unitarian 'society' and love it - there are so many more questions than answers and great conversations about life, death, and meaning! I am excited to aise kids UU because they get exposed to every religion - they actually visit all other places of worshuip and then write a creed of their own individual beliefs. how rad is that?

    Anyway - god parents. I think you did the right thing. If they see the role as someone who will teach their kids about Catholicism, it will be better to have a Catholic! That dosen't mean that you and your husband won't have a bvery important role in their life!

    I have also thought about this because I have god parents (and am a god parent) but I don't think our kids will eed god parents. If we decide to have them it will perhaps be the people who we would want to be their guardians if we were to die. Much more practical than spiritual.

    Thanks for covering this topic!

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    1. Thank you so much! I love your blog too!

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  2. Huh, that's such an interesting topic of discussion -- for some reason, I never even thought about what I would say (as an atheist) if someone asked me to be their child's godparents. I'd probably feel too awkward... kind of like how I feel when I go into a church, like it's almost a bit offensive that I'm there when I think it's all baloney. But I guess it depends on what the actual parents' concept of a godparents is...

    Best line: "you will be pro-choice, you will support LGBT rights and you will register as a Democrat." Hear hear!

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    1. I joke that I'd get struck by lightening if I enter a church!

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  3. Interesting. I would probably face the same dilemma as a former Catholic. I hadn't even thought about how I would deal with it, but in reality the title of "godparent" is little more than a title. What will be really important (former lawyer speaking here) is whether Myrtle will ask you two to agree to be her child's guardian in her will. That would be trusting you with her child(ren)'s upbringing. That's the bigger deal, if you ask me, which you totally didn't.

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    1. I imagine they'd ask her husband's brother to serve as Guardian as he's family and lives close to both sets or grandparents rather than shipping her off to California. My Husband noted that in England godparents are usually the designated guardians, but notes his were "a drunk couple from Wales" and he doesn't even know their names

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  4. That is a tough one. I am probably not in any danger of being asked to be a godparent for many reasons but I would probably have to turn it down as well. There's no way I get through a christening without making a snide comment. My husband and I were asked to be the guardians of our niece (and her soon to be sibling I assume) should anything happen to her parents and that was probably their version of asking us to be godparents since none of us are religious.
    My children will also be pro-choice, support LGBT rights and register as Democrat. I will support anything they want to do except being Republican ;)

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  5. My Husband was rolling his eyes during Myrtle's wedding, I don't know how he thought he'd make it through a Christening!

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  6. Interesting post!! Seems like most of the other ladies are agreeing with you on this one, and so am I. I do however think I will have godparents for our kids, but I will make it clear to whoever I ask that it is just for the ceremonial title and not really anything to do with religious education.

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