Accentuate the Positive

They say you shouldn't do certain things in a particular frame of mind. Don't confront your boss when you're angry. Don't grocery shop when you're hungry. Don't phone your ex-boyfriend when you're drunk. Don't clean your closet after a BFN. I'll explain...

Husband responds really promptly to postcard reminders that we receive in the mail. If a card arrives informing us that we're due for an oil change, vet appointment or dental cleaning, he calls up immediately to schedule the visit. I've thought about sending him some postcards with notices like "put away your clean laundry" or "wash up your breakfast dishes", but I am digressing. We received a flyer offering a 15% discount on carpet cleaning if we booked within the next three weeks. Husband called as soon as he read the card and arranged for service the next day.

I came home from work and found that he had moved furniture and most items out of the three bedrooms in our house. In addition to cleaning the heavily soiled carpets, it was also a good opportunity to do a spring clear out. We are fortunate that in our area, local charities will collect your used clothes and small furniture if you leave it out on your curb. I decided that I would donate any clothing item that I haven't worn in the past year, and quickly had three bags full of used clothes.

Then I came across my 'hope chest' items. When the first of our local friends started to procreate, I purchased a few cute onesies and some stuffed animals while I was shopping for their shower gifts. I had collected some pregnancy related magazines from our waiting room. Also haunting from the ghosts of my five minute pregnancy; books on running and exercising during pregnancy. In a fleeting moment, I gathered all these items and threw them in the trash bags. I figured I could always go shopping again if the occasion was ever needed and maybe it was better to get rid of any bad karma these items could be bringing. Then a few days later I came across this:

About 4 or 5 years ago, in my pre-maternal instinct days, my mother came for a visit and she wasted no time trying to convince me to spawn her grandchild at every opportunity she had. We were shopping in town, when we walked past a Jack and Janie store and saw this sweater in the window. She started fawning over it, "Ohhhh! This is just so precious! Can't you imagine in on your baby?" she gushed. I replied, "Yes, it will look adorable when it's covered in puke." in my most sarcastic tone. "Oh, Jane." she sighed in exasperation. 

A few weeks later, after my mother's visit, I walked past the Jack and Janie story and noted that they had changed their display in the front window. I wondered if they still had that sweater. I went inside and found it on the sale rack. Maybe there was some life in my ovaries at that moment, as I decided to purchase it. Yes, I lied when the sales lady asked if it were a gift for someone. I figured it would provide me with a reminder that I had to look past the negative aspects of parenting and try to see the positive experiences. 

I couldn't part with the sweater (firstly because it is so adorable, even covered in puke) but also, because the original purpose was to help me accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. Two failed IUI cycles is discouraging, but I still have reasons to be hopeful. Taking the message of positive thinking to heart, I rescued all my hope chest items from the bags set for Goodwill and hid them in a box in the back of my closet. Besides, I had previously set an arbitrary deadline that if Myrtle became pregnant with her second before I had a baby, I would give those items to her. At least I could keep them in the family.