Thursday, 30 May 2013
Another trip around the sun...
Recently, my time on this planet observed that I have completed another trip around the sun. I'm actually not too bothered about adding another year while still being barren. Although, I probably should be concerned as I am now 37; the age when oocyte quality and quantity starts to rapidly decline. While hardly stellar, my ovaries have been described as "age appropriate". My cheeky second opinion REI consult thought my AMH of 4.54 represented a strong reserve. My grandmother had my father one week before her 45th birthday, (in 1946 -I can only wonder what it was like for her to be pregnant at that age during that time) so I hope I inherited the legacy of her ovarian longevity.
I find this birthday to be annoying as I just don't like the number 37. I have a quirky appreciation for numbers. I like palindromes and patterns. I prefer even numbers. 36 was really cool, as it is a square number. 37 is a prime number. Prime numbers strike me as being losers in the number world. Only one whole divisor -the number one, which is such a slut and goes into every number, as well as themselves. Johnny-no-mates. When Husband was booking the venue for our wedding, he had a choice between 23 September 2006 (23-9-06) or 30 September 2006 (30-9-06). I was hoping that he would know me well enough to identify that I would prefer 30-9-06 (all multiples of '3'). To my initial displeasure, he chose the 23rd, but in a way having a prime number wedding date seemed fitting for a marriage of two only children. Additionally, it was a beautiful sunny day on the 23rd and it rained heavily on the 30th. Maybe it's also fitting that the conception or birth for the only child to be spawned from two only children should be in a prime number year.
I've referenced the brilliant HBO program Girls in previous posts; but IRL, I have discussed that you need to have been a 25 year old girl to truly appreciate the show. The way Lena Dunham is able to gain this perspective of her current generation is what I feel defines her genius. After watching a half hour review of the common mistakes one makes in her twenties; working at an unpaid internship for too long, wanting to fall in love with the one who took your virginity, or labeling a friend with benefits as a boyfriend, I acknowledge the wisdom that comes with age. There is a sense of peace that is achieved with establishing your career, settling down with your life partner or finding other ways to distinguish yourself. Professionally, I find that I am not having to verify my work experience as often; the affects of time seems to accomplish that.
While there is value to the process of aging, it is still disheartening to feel that you are growing older. I would participate in various forums and discussion groups and as the youngest contributor, I was viewed as one who was 'up and coming'. Now as I am no longer the youngest on a panel, it's perceived that my time has come or past. Our practice has hired four newly graduated physicians who are all younger than me. Recently, I spoke with one of our new primary care providers about submitting an REI referral for an HMO patient who was planning to become a single mother. "Sure" she replied, and then added "I'm considering doing that when I get older, like when I'm 32." Sigh. As soon as I suspected that my cat had diabetes, I was willing to see 'the new vet' who had the soonest available appointment. She introduced herself by her first and last name and wore a jeweled hairband. When I returned her call regarding A's diagnosis, she answered the phone with "hey!" I realised that not only was she much younger than me, she is probably still in her twenties.
There was one more harsh reality that I would discover. Based on his looks, I estimated my RE to be in his late 30s or early 40s. The other day while I was waiting in his office, I took note of the dates on his diplomas. Presuming that he didn't take any time off during his schooling, (which is likely for most Ivy League types) he is two years younger than me. This marks the first time I've actually been under the care of a provider who is younger than me. What was even more distressing -he graduated the same month I started working at a hospital that trained students from his medical school. He just missed being one of my students, and would have attended my two part lecture on contraception -of all ironies.