Saturday 12 January 2013

Should I Stay or Should I Go...

It has been a no good, very bad week. To start, I caught Husband's cold and have been feeling miserable. As it has been exceptionally cold, I haven't been swimming. Actually, I haven't done any exercise in over a week, which has contributed to my misery. Work has been really busy. I haven't taken any vacation time since I got back from England in early August. Our office was only closed on Christmas and New Year's Day, but all of my colleagues took some personal time around the holidays and one has been on an extended vacation, leaving me to cover in their absence. I'm starting to feel like Peter Gibbons in Office Space. As my progesterone level officially confirms I'm in my luteal phase, I've been feeling rather hormonal and especially emotional this week. I had a few moments when I felt like crying and I erupted into a fit of anger when I discovered that Husband didn't bring the rubbish bins in from the curb. Alas, I had made it to Friday. Just had to get through the next eight hours and I could escape into the weekend. While driving into the parking garage, I swipped a concrete post, scrapping and denting the passanger side of my car. I wanted to burst into tears and it wasn't even 9 AM.
Throughout this week, I have been contemplating if I should go back to east with Husband and visit with my family. I know I need to take some time off from work before I burn out, but I don't know if this is a break that will recharge me. Returning home and spending time with parents is not a proper vacation. Additionally, I don't know if I'm ready to face Myrtle and to see her in her new role as a mother. It pains me a bit to admit that to myself.  Plus it's really cold in Connecticut.
However, it would be comforting to see my parents. Even though I'm not ready to share anything about our fertility project yet, I'd like to spend some time connecting with them. I'm a 36 year old woman who still wants her mommy. I know I'll eventually have to encounter Myrtle. Six, nine months down the road, if I'm still not pregnant, will it be any different? I can't avoid her forever. Also in the decision making equation is the fact that I could be ovulating during this time. Part of me fears this could place extra pressure on Husband (not to mentiont the awkward location) or if I go and it doesn't work, will we look at the cost of my flight as money that could have gone to our first IUI cycle? (or for my car repairs...) But what if ...


  1. I think you should go. Not that you asked me. It sounds like you could use some time away. But I think you should only go if you can look at it as a rest and recharge (which you haven't had since August, which is a long time!) and not as a babymaking trip. If you view it as a rest and recharge from all you've been through, then you'll never view it as wasted money since it's just as vital to your well-being as your IUI. Just my two cents!

    And by the way, thanks for all your very informed comments on my blog. They are always much appreciated!

  2. I agree. Sounds like you need a break and it's the perfect excuse. Just think of your ovulation as an added bonus not the main reason for the trip. Could you spend a night or 2 in a hotel so it felt like you were actually getting away for a vacation?

  3. Thank you both for your input. After banging up my car, I put in an urgent request for time off. I won't get a response until Tuesday as our Lead is out on vay-cay until then! My parents are in CT, but Husband will be in NYC for five days for work, so yes we would have some time away. I have to leave after him due to a commitment I can't reschedule. I figured there was no point trying to plan around when I thought I could be fertile. If my ovaries cooperate, great. If not, their days of fun guessing games are over as I'm medicating these bitches for my IUIs!