Thursday, 22 August 2013

Dreams, they complicate my life...

I've never really spent much time trying to understand my dreams or to analyze what they could be mean. Probably because most of the time I don't remember many details, and when I do, the dreams are very mundane and literal. I'll dream about work, or sometimes I'll sleep through my alarm and miss going swimming, because I've been dreaming about getting ready and driving to swimming. A few years ago, I had an exceptionally realistic dream.

That story actually starts in the time before I met  Husband. I was out with a friend at a night club in London and it was my turn to get a round of drinks. Across the bar, I spotted a rather attractive man with dark hair. Our eyes locked and held a gaze for a few seconds. When I rejoined my friend, she was warding off some unwelcome male attention, so we decided to relocate to a different spot in the bar. Whilst in transit, I was approached by the handsome man I saw across the bar. My knees went weak the first time I heard him speak. He was a Kiwi. I've always had a particular affection for Australians, so New Zealand is just as close, and I'm not referring to geographic proximity. We began to chat and after a few minutes I noted that he was holding my hand. The attraction was quite intense and when he started to lead me to the dance floor, I willingly followed. An hour or so later, last call was announced. He leaned in and invited with his irresistible accent, "Do you fancy waking up in my arms tomorrow morning?"

It would have been my first (and perhaps only) one night stand. Although my loins were quivering, my pragmatic brain prevailed. He could be a serial killer, Jane. They'll find your mangled corpse in a dumpster and the police will have to tell your parents what a little slut you were. Or he could have herpes. 70% of transmission occurs during periods of asymptomatic viral shedding. An orgasm is temporary, but herpes are forever! Alas, I declined his very tempting offer. He did ask for my email address, and to my surprise there was a message in my inbox the next morning. We corresponded over email for a few weeks, and I didn't find any evidence that supported or refuted him being a serial killer. In fact he seemed like a pretty nice guy. I inquired and learnt that he had nine prior sexual partners (a respectable number for his age) and recently had a negative STI panel (although I didn't specifically ask if he had HSV1+2 antibody testing done). We shared the same grammatical pet peeves, and I am such a nerd that I found it quite hot. We discussed meeting up to consummate the primal desires which had commenced from the moment we first saw each other. I truly contemplated it, as I wondered if I could compound some Valtrex and slip it into his drink, but I think at that point I wanted something more than a fling and he was just looking for the lay that could get him into double figures. I also rationalised that the version of our passionate coitus that I carried in my head was probably much better than the reality. Thus, he became the best shag I wish I had.

A few years ago, I had a dream that I slept with him. It was very average. Much like in real life when the first encounter is accompanied by the slight awkwardness of wanting to impress the other person without seeming like you're trying too hard. Thus, even the manifestation of my overactive subconscious was a total buzz kill.

Anyway, I am digressing and indulging in a bit of nostalgia to illustrate that I have very boring, if not disappointing dreams. Earlier when I wasn't trying to conceive, I had some pregnancy scare dreams, although I knew that I had my IUD in place and needed to confirm that the pregnancy wasn't an ectopic. See what I mean about my dreams being so literal?

Prior to the scheduled date for my first scan and before I started bleeding, I had one relevant dream during my brief pregnancy. I was going in for my CD2 monitoring, but it was my Favourite MA who preformed the ultrasound. She just started giggling and said, "um, you're already pregnant" (which actually was true, as I was pregnant on the day of my first CD2 appointment for what would have been our first IUI cycle). She kept reiterating that she couldn't tell me any details, but I could see that there was a single viable fetus at approximately nine weeks. Myrtle laughed when I shared the dream with her as she noted that it was fitting that I would have such a clinically accurate dream, but she thought it was a good omen. She also added that in one of her dreams, I revealed that I was having a girl.

I didn't share it with Husband, but in the final nights of our last 2WW, I had kept seeing two lines on a pregnancy test in my dreams. Mind you, I don't remember any details, such as if it were specifically my pregnancy test, but over and over again, I saw a pink line and a blue line. Then in the final night, I was dreaming about beta numbers. When I went for my first draw after my BFP, I emailed the office with my LMP and conception dates and I projected my HCG levels would be between 175-200. It was 171. In this last dream, I was in the lab chatting with the same phlebotomist who did all my previous beta draws and I was guessing at my beta numbers with her. It seemed so vivid.

A few nights after I composed my post about taking one step at a time and not looking too far ahead, I dreamed that I was pregnant. It was the first time in any of my dreams that I actually had a bump and I could feel the baby move. I was also in quite a bit of pain, and I precipitously delivered the baby at home in my living room. Yet, two of my colleagues and a random paediatrician magically appeared, and just like on TV, one of them handed me a three month old baby - a girl. She had Husband's eyes and she was beautiful. Then I woke up.


  1. You had me wiggling a little bit with you story about the shag you never had (which, at the time, I was certain was going to end up being your husband). Anyway. I typically have boring dreams, too, but every once in awhile I've been snagged by pregnancy dreams. I know some people see them as good omens or something like that, but they always made me wake up with a sense of loss. And now, each night before my two pregnancy ultrasounds, I spend all night having horrible ultrasound nightmares, waking from horrible ultrasound nightmares, and trying to talk myself out of them until I can fall back to sleep and have another. So, really, I say bring back the dreams so dull that my brain doesn't bother to store them in memory.

  2. I also thought it was going to be yoru husband!! The only realist pregnancy dream I ever had was actually not a pregnancy dream at all. It wasa breastfeeding dream. And then there was teh one about the hatching Indian toddler who called me mom, which I posted about this weekend. Too much vodka, I conclude.

  3. I had an extremely realistic dream that I was pregnant when we were knee-deep in the adoption process. I never told husband, but the following day he called me at work and told me he wanted to try IVF. I took it as a sign that IVF would work. I've since learned to stop interpreting dreams and signs.

    I hope your dream becomes a reality very soon :)

  4. So as long as I am confessing...this was actually a few months after the bitter end of my relationship with the guy who looks like my RE, I was determined not to get involved with someone who wasn't as invested in the relationship as I was. A few months later, the friend who was with me that night asked me how long it had been since I had any action. When I told her it was nearly a year, she ordered "find someone, anyone and get yourself shagged!" I followed her mission and ended up going home with my now husband. He was the intended one night stand that stuck

  5. I've only had a couple of pregnancy / birth dreams, and I always end up with a toddler for some reason. I don't really ascribe much to it other than I'm relatively comfortable with kids that age and not so much at all with newborns. It always leaves me feeling sad and unfulfilled upon waking, though.

  6. Dreams are so wierd and crazy. I love dreams where you can just wake up and smile about the dream. But the. There are others where you wake up and it's pretty much ruined your entire day. Quite often, my husband will have a dream about me and wake up mad at me for a few hours, based on what I did in his dream. Crazy. Well, I hope that the image of you pregnant does come true at some point. Also, I'm glad that your husband is the shag that stuck around :)