Wednesday, 24 September 2014

A Day in My Life

0505  Wake up ten minutes before my alarm.
0506  Tyler senses that I am awake and begins to stir. He assumes that my first priority is to feed him.
0510  Drag myself out of bed.
0514  Feed Tyler, check Facebook to review Newsfeeds from England.
0515  I forgot to shut off my alarm, which wakes up a now grumpy Husband.
0535  Ready to leave the house.
0555  Arrive at the pool. No one has seen me yet. I could turn around and go home.
0635  It's an IM set. I should have bailed when I had the chance.
0703  Waiting for hot water in the showers.
0706  At last! Post work out shower feels so good!
0730  Locker room attendant has to leave, ushered to hurry up.
0740  Ready to depart from the pool with a little extra time on my hands.
          I could get a jump start on my day, or I could hit Starbucks.
0745  Starbucks it is!
0747  No eating or drinking in the new car rule is in effect for at least three months. Sit outside and overlook the Bay while drinking my coffee.
0810  Arrive at work.
1755  Day ends with giving a patient a diagnosis of herpes. I hate my job at times.
1825  Review Cross-Fit work out. Ugh. Burpees. Unfortunately, I've already been spotted. Too late to bail.
1955  Home at last after a minor car accident caused major traffic. Husband has already started dinner and notes that I am just in time to help him with laundry.
1956  A hungry Tyler is glued to my ankles as I set my bags down. Husband hasn't given him his  dinner as he "doesn't do wet food". Wonder how he'll handle baby related fluids if he can't deal with canned cat food.
1957  Feed the little bugger and concede that his food is pretty gross. Angus would only eat canned food that was in slices with gravy and it almost looked suitable for human consumption. Tyler prefers the pate. May try to change this
2000  Hang wet clothes on our drying rack.
2005  Make some zoodles by using a julienne peeler to produce zucchini noodles. Zoodles is much more fun to say.
2008  Look through mail. Misery sent me my prescriptions for next transfer. My surname is spelled wrong on one of them. Fucking A. I've been in and out of that office for the past two years and you can't spell my name correctly! Furthermore, I've pointed out to her that on multiple occasions I've discovered an incorrect spelling. Is this too much to expect? I am merely asking for sharks with freckin laser beams attached to their head!
2009  Glass of wine ends rant. Wonder if Misery is dyslexic.
2010  Dinner is served. Dine with Husband and his iPhone.
2035  Start to clear up plates.
2040  Husband accidentally turns off the kitchen lights while I'm washing dishes. I make a joke about how frugal he is. (Seriously, the guy is the electricity police) He gets insulted and announces that he's going to bed. Suspect his over-reaction is really a ploy to avoid clean up.
2100  Wash all the containers from my lunch box. Wonder if washing baby bottles will be as tedious.
2110  Throw wet swimming stuff in the tumble dryer.
2112  Pack lunch for tomorrow.
2125  Empty gym bag, hang up work clothes. Repack gym bag with workout clothes.
2130  Prepare consent forms for FET#4 at XYZ Fertility Centre. Prior to FET#2, I learned we had to sign a new set of forms with each transfer. Last time, I printed out four copies of the consent forms for each of our euploid embryos and I joked that we should sign a batch of these forms. This time, I decided to do it. I signed all three remaining three copies, but only dated one. If we have to face FET#5 or 6, we'll just have to note the date.
2200  Remove swim towel from the dryer. Select work clothes for tomorrow and pack into swim bag.
Double check to make sure I didn't forget to pack underwear. Arrange swimsuit and swim clothes for easy access in the morning.
2215  Plug iPhone into the charger
2220  Finally in bed at last. Husband is long been asleep, so I check in with email, Facebook and blogs.
~2300 Fall asleep.

Even before our experience with infertility, I was always annoyed with couples who would declare, "we're having a baby, but nothing is going to change!" Um, everything is going to change. Isn't that kind of the entire point? Nonetheless, my own parents told me, "we weren't going to be those parents who revolved their lives around their baby. We incorporated you into our life." I've become fascinated with these 'A Day in the Life' posts from new moms and I think they should be required reading for every expectant parents. Admittedly, they scare the shit out of me. Actually my own recount is pretty frightening, look how much organisation and effort it takes just to get me out of the house!

I haven't spent too much time thinking about how our lives with change with a little bundle of joy. After my second beta from IVF#1 Co-worker issued the warning on how much our life would change in the coming year. So far the only change is that now I'm prepping for a FET where I was stimming at this time last year. Yet, while not imagining any specific situations, I hold a few delusions that let me think I might be able to manage, you know, if this whole implantation and pregnancy thing is actually possible.

I'll want to do this!
I once told my mother that I had no desire to give up my precious sleep to tend to a crying baby, to which my mother countered "I loved you so much that I wanted to get up and take care of you." Effective way to induce a guilt trip. Will all our experienced make me appreciate these tasks and challenges more? Perhaps, but I can also see the novelty fading quickly.

It CAN be done!
In her book, Bossypants, Tina Fey described how irritated she gets when people ask 'how do you juggle it all?' While the question may sound complimentary, she feels the accusing eyes are really noticing 'you're fucking everything up, aren't you?' Still, I look for ways to make it seem possible. My swim group is going to start an evening session. While I was recently on an 8 mile run, not only did I see women and men with jogging strollers, I saw a woman in a boot camp class doing air squats with her baby snuggly attached to her chest.

I'll be MORE productive
I've heard some working mothers described that they've become more efficient at the office. When there's a task standing between you and your kids, or if your daycare centre charges by the minute for a late pick up, you don't waste any time. It's go in, get 'er done, and go home. Avoid the idle chit-chat in the break room. Pack a lunch and eat at your desk while you work. Presumably, this is after the sleep deprived state where one is napping under the desk...

I'll get some help
I know my options are very limited here as my parents live on the other side of the country and my in-laws are on the other side of the world. My aunt and uncle, who live nearby, are dealing with her breast cancer, and my cousins are busy dealing with their own kids. Although, in fairness, we didn't do anything to help with their arrivals, so we don't expect anything in return. However, my mother will be retiring next February, and my father is self employed, so they could come out for a good stretch of time, if they wanted. (Yikes, I feel old to describe my parents as retired).

I have some friends who expressed concerns about their partners' contributions prior to the newborn's arrivals...and then found their fears were confirmed. In particular, a few have commented that their husbands' lives didn't change much at all. I actually don't have such fears about Husband, and I'm not just writing that on the off chance that he's reading this. I know he'll be a very hands-on Dad, and will probably learn baby's patterns and routines quicker than I will. It's the remaining chores that give me concerns.

It has taken eight years of marriage for me to finally realise that Husband will never participate in meal planning. On time, I gave him a cookbook and asked him to select one entree, and I would shop for ingredients. He looked through the book and reported, "anything is fine." This led to a huge argument on whether or not he actually completed his assigned task. Earlier this summer, when I was extra busy preparing for a presentation, he offered to help with the cleaning. I figured he would identify something that is dirty and clean it. Apparently not. He had to be assigned specific tasks. I asked him just to vacuum and dust, but he decided to turn our kitchen inside and out to make it sparkle. I had to spend over an hour helping him finish, just so I could start dinner. I did appreciate all his efforts, but I couldn't stop thinking all you had to do was fucking vacuum and fucking dust... We've decided that our Christmas present to ourselves may be looking into getting a cleaning lady in 2015. Co-worker hired one after her twins were born. "She sucks, but at least she gets to the bathrooms!" She claims the $120 for her twice monthly services is worth every penny in terms of saved time and aggravation.

It gets better
Please tell me it does.


  1. Ha ha! I love this post and my favorite part of your day is that you had your coffee outside overlooking the bay- sounds so peaceful! And I will say that after years of infertility, the 8 times I got up last night/early this morning to put Austin's binky back in his mouth, there's nothing I'd rather be doing. The same will be true for you, too!! XOXO

  2. I think you are totally right. It can be done and you'll want to do it. I've found having realistic expectations as to how much help you will receive is great. Andino is like your husband, he needs to be assigned specific tasks when it comes to household chores and I've learned to be okay asking for help.

    I tried to write a day in the life post, but it was far too much effort! Maybe one of these days I'll get around to it. You are so organized! I'm sure that will come in handy when your time comes...

  3. I love your post! You are right, it CAN be done. Doesn't mean it's easy, but it is well worth it. As for the sleep deprivation, well, I have to admit I personally don't handle it well. However, I do handle it better than my husband so I end up doing any late/middle of the night stuff. It might include a few curse words (or a lot), but we get through it. You are so organized, I think you will handle motherhood just fine!

  4. Oh my god, your husband and the cookbook! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT *ahem* Anyway. It can absolutely be done. You don't even know how you're doing it while you're doing it, but you do, and then you're doing something else, and things keep changing and you just keep going. As far as the wanting to, I think something that's hard for some women--especially when we deal with infertility--is to actually be able to imagine themselves as mothers, because other people's answers to these questions don't quite fit. So it might not exactly be that you want to, but it just... things that right now seem like you wouldn't want to get up and do them turn into things that you don't even question. You won't question getting up in the middle of the night. You'll have normal human emotions about it, like sometimes you'll just do it and go back to sleep, but sometimes you'll be ticked off because you just want to be in bed, and sometimes you might even think, "Yay! An excuse to cuddle those little squidgy cheeks!" I mean, it really is like a crazy person, but all those things are what help you do it all (see above).

    And here I'm going to say something about which I am very serious. Get help. Do not hesitate to get help, from absolutely as many people as are willing. Hire someone, and bring your parents in, and ask people to for favors even when it feels like a small thing you could do without. Our culture is insidiously punitive toward parents, and we tend to be ridiculously self-sacrificing and isolated. People love to talk about what's "natural" when it's pregnancy and delivery, and some of those things are natural and some aren't, and some are a good idea and some aren't. But you know what's fucking unnatural? A single human with a baby, by themselves, out of earshot of any other person for hours on end. Days. "Natural" is in a small community, where a baby is at home in the arms of any number of neighbors, friends, and relatives. We don't live like that as much now (especially the privileged), but it's good for you and it's good for your baby to pass off parenting and housekeeping duties early and often. It's not a residency or dissertation where you're simultaneously trying to convince someone else you can handle the hardship; it's taking care of the baby's physical needs in whatever way doesn't drive you crazy so that you can focus on enjoying your emotional bond. I know I'm ranting a little bit, but if I could, I'd open a dorm just for parents of babies under 6 months, specifically to prevent the kind of haunting isolation that can surprise you.

  5. You swim and do crossfit in the same day? You are an animal. I totally feel you on the meal prep. How many times on grocery day have I asked M "so what do you feel like having this week?" and he'll reply "I dunno...chicken". As if that's a recipe or meal idea. Men.

  6. I loved this... "Dine with husband and his iPhone." Ha! I feel ya on that one for sure.

    It seems impossible, but it can be done. You'll probably only be able to squeeze in one workout (sorry), at least at first, but these kids are less high maintenance as they get older, or so I'm told. Three months in and I don't claim to be an expert, but I can tell you there is a marked difference between now and two months ago.

    Here's something I never believed would happen: I can function on MUCH less sleep. It's like your body just does this. I'm the kind of person who used to sleep 10 hours per night...and love sleeping 10 hours per tell you the truth, I was terrified of being able to function as a new parent. But I DID. It just CHANGED. Now I can easily make it through the day on 3 hours of sleep no problem. And your mom's right... maybe I'm a little annoyed at 2am when she cries, but then I pick her up and she smiles at me and I'm like damn... never mind. Not even mad.

  7. first off, i loved "eat dinner with husband and his iphone". i joke with my husband that he loves that thing more than me and constantly have to ask him to put his phone down while we are having a meal together. ugh!

    yes, cleaning lady is TOTALLY worth every penny. we only have ours come once a month, but her cleaning our tub is so worth it!

  8. I want to comment, but reading a typical day for you exhausted me! How do you do it?? (Love that Husband doesn't do wet food for the cat...)

  9. I've found the day in the life with baby pays a little tedious, but you're probably right they're a good idea. Although this new puppy of ours makes me wonder if I'm really ready for a child. I don't mind getting up, but I'm pissed there's also no time for a nap.

    Cross Fit and swimming on the same day. Amazing and admirable.

    My husband complains that we don't eat healthy enough, but never wants the healthy meals I prepare, and offers no suggestions as to what he would like to eat. I think he just wants to take the high road, then complain is not to his exact liking so he can just go get a burger. I could kill him some days.

  10. A busy day! I an also impressed with two excercise classes- among many other parts of your day!

  11. I love that you're recognizing this, and so true. I'm here to tell you that no matter how many of those "a day in the life" things you read, there is no preparation. IT IS FREAKING HARD work, especially when you've gone so long as just two. Wake up call. Hello! You might be surprised at how much your hubby steps up and does new things he's never done before though. I can't wait for you to have your own "day in the life." I'll be tuning in for when that day comes!

  12. I'm exhausted just reading this ;)
    The help I get from my husband in meal planning is similar, but at least I've managed to ban electronics from the dinner table (so far). Hiring a cleaning lady sounds like an awesome idea and will be one of the first things I plan to do once we make a bit more money.

  13. Ha I was going to do this too after reading all the mom's day-in-the-life posts...which have all terrified me. You are so organized, I'm sure you'll be fine. And it makes you old when your parents retire?!? Uh oh. My dad's already retired and my mom is retiring in the next few years. Guess I'm old!

  14. Um, I love my kids but I do not *want* to get up in the middle of the night with them. I am, of course, incredibly grateful to have this particular problem. But, no. Some parts of parenting are really hard and really suck and I am over feeling like I have to enjoy even those parts just because of all that I went through to have kids. Nope, not gonna feel guilty about hating middle of the night wake-ups. (Hmmm, that sounds a little bitchy. Maybe it's because I am exhausted from our current sleep regressions) Thankfully, the good parts of parenting outweigh the bad and make the bad parts bearable. As scary as the day in the life posts seem, you will manage just fine. Once you get into the routine, it's just your life and you do it. It becomes your new normal. I think you can definitely incorporate a kid into your life instead of revolving your life around the kid. That's what we are hoping to do. Your life still changes, and that's the point, but that doesn't mean you have to give up everything about your pre-child life. You may only get one workout a day, though ;)

  15. The DITL posts are scary when you read them but when you are in the middle of them, you just get it done. You are tired? Too bad you just get it done. You may not get to exercise twice a day (good for you!) and the house may not be as clean (although if you keep the housekeeper around you will do well), but that's okay.

    Oh and I hate to say it but I am your husband when it comes to meal. CP will ask me what I want for dinner and sometimes I'm good and will offer up something specific...other times I'm like "something with chicken." Poor CP. I guess I should try to be a little better about that.

  16. That new car rule is a hoot. Hahaha! Stuff like that is easiest to miss, seeing how it's within our nature to bring in and consume our provisions at where we are. But yeah, that should be a great help in the maintenance thing and keeping your car brimming with fresh life. Cars are a great purchase by virtue of their utility and grandeur, and thus are worthy of honoring in some way.

    Rhonda Burgess @ Bob Dunn Hyundai