Ten Months

When Kate was eight and a half months old, I started formulating ideas for her first birthday party. I felt a bit silly for preparing so early, but now here we are at ten months and I'm realising that I need to start putting these plans into motion. As yes, time is slipping through my fingers like sand in the hourglass. I remember when Kate was only a few months old, and I would rock her to sleep, while trying to savour the memory. Her scent, her long eyelashes, every soft little noice. I tried to soak it all in. Yet little did I know how awesome it would be to feel her little arms squeeze around my neck as she buries her head on my shoulder. Or when she crawls into my lap to snuggle. So when I feel glum that my baby is growing so quickly, I need to acknowledge that the best is yet to come.

In other related news, I re-aggrivated my back injury. I'm not sure how I did it, but the pain has been off and on for almost two weeks, so I think I need to schedule a session with the physical therapist at our gym. There were a few days where I needed a breakfast dose of Motrin and a Therma.care heat wrap just so I could make it through my work day. As my countdown to the big 4-0 is now approaching single digits, I really don't need any other prompt to feel old. At least I am very fortunate that I'll be spending my birthday in Hawaii, although I admit I'm trying to pretend that if it doesn't happen on the mainland, then it didn't really happen.  While I don't think my current Bjorn carrier was a contributing factor to my back pain, I decided to upgrade to a new Bjorn carrier that has a back support. It was a good excuse to treat myself to an early birthday present. Surprisingly, my back actually feels better when I'm wearing her in the new carrier, so maybe Kate will keep me feeling younger.

Nicknames: Button, CupKate, Kater Tot

Stats: Weight 20 lbs 1.2 ounces. Lenth 27.5 inches
She's starting to fill out a bit and no longer looks like such a pudge ball.

Teeth: We're been stuck on just two bottom teeth, but at press time, she seems to be cutting an upper tooth. Although it's not one of the centre front teeth, it's an incisor. She's our little vampire.

Feeding: Unfortunately for Kate, when your mom makes your own baby food, you don't get much variety. I tend to make large batches to freeze, so she ends up eating a lot of the same meals. The consistency has been helpful for her signing, as I'm really convinced that she knows the banana sign, even if she can't perform it. I do need to advance her self feeding, and I'm hoping to do so while we're on vacation. My currents aims regarding breastfeeding are: provide breastmilk until 1 year, stop nursing before she can request the breast, lift my shirt, or bite. She's been a bit bitey (props to anyone who knows that movie reference) on a few occasions, but so far only at the end of the feed. If she ever draws blood, the boobs get put away for good. I dropped a pumping session at work as my schedule has been packed and it was just too much to fit it in between patient appointments, and more often than not, I've only been pumping once at night. I  am going to miss nursing, but I'll be happy when I don't have to drag that pump around and when I can SSTTN.

I spend a lot of time planning my weaning stratagery, and spend even more time reminding myself that seldom does anything go according to plan. As we only nurse in the morning and before bed during my work days, my first step will be to bottlefeed during the day on Tuesday and on weekends. Then we'll have Husband give her a bottle before bed. The morning feed will be the last to go, and I think that may be harder on me than for her. As she's been waking up earlier, we've started bringing her back to our bed, where I'll nurse with her lying next to me and we'll both fall back asleep. I tried bringing her to bed and giving a bottle, but she figured out how to loosen the collar and dumped the milk all over our recently laundered sheets. I have the feeling this all may be a moot issue as I think my milk supply will dry up while going a Whole 30 challenge in June. In preparation for Whole 30, I started cutting things out gradually, so it won't be such a shock to my system. We got rid of Splenda when we heard the lastest report that it causes some kind of cancer. I cut out Coke Zero and replaced it with La Croix, which wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. I don't eat much dairy, but I stopped buying cheese and switched to unsweetend Almond Milk. I've only been drinking alcohol on special occasions. The last things to give up will be grains and sweets. I stopped the baked goods for a few days and was just barely pumping 3 ounces. I'm ready to let it go. I have enough frozen milk to last 25 days and I have some cans of forumla that my aunt gave us. If we have to use some, it will  not be the end of the world. There is no trophy awarded for exclusive breastfeeding.

Sleep: Just around the nine month mark, she started sleeping through the night again. We refused to acknowledge this fact in the same way that no one says the words 'perfect game' when a pitcher has thrown out every batter that he or she has faced. However, she seems to waking up closer to 5 AM than her usual 6 AM. Sometimes, she'll fall back to sleep. Sometimes not.

Likes: To make a mess. I'm afraid we've hit the destructive phase. It started rather innocently. I've been using a pretty backing rack to store blankets and burp clothes. We came home from Day Care and as I was emptying her bag she started throwing the cloths on the floor. Hey, why not? I thought. It's keeping her busy and will be easy enough to clean up.

However... this lead to throwing all the cook books on the floor...

Okay, Kate. This means you take over meal planning..

As well as dumping out the cat's dry food, not once, not once, but a total of three times. She seems to be obsessed with cat food. I'm pretty sure she's eaten a few pieces of dry food. Myrtle and I ate some Milk.bones when we were young and we survived, so I'm not too worried. She's also put her hands in wet cat food a few times, which to be fair, it does look similiar to her purees. Tyler is not impressed. She also likes shoes. Not to wear of course, but for eating. 

Dislikes: The Baby Ka'tan carrier. You have to have a PhD in engineering to figure out how to put it on. It's tight on one side, loose on the other. It bunches and slips. She can get out of it easier than Houdini. Absolutely fucking hates that piece of shit. Oh wait, that's me... 

On a somewhat more serious note, she does not like to stay still. At all. Must.be.on.the.move.at.all.times. When we go to baby sign, she just wants to crawl around and explore, and to be fair, she is the most mobile of the babies in that class. However there are some walkers at baby yoga, but they go though 'tree pose' and 'Y pose" while Kate wants to crawl off on her own. I'm probably being paranoid, but I fear this will lead to a 'doesn't follow directions' comment on her pre-school report card. I'm also feeling a bit cautious as my cousin's son was allegedly diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. Two years ago, I wrote a post detailing my concerns how I perceived that my cousin and her husband were turning a blind eye to their son's ovbious language delays. Last year, my cousin revealed that he was diagnosed with ADHD. I am skeptical of this diagnosis for a few reasons. 

During my medical training, I had the opportunity to ask a respected childhood behavioral expert his opinion on ADHD. "It's a real entity, which was once under-diagnosed and is now being over diagnosed." While he lacks the credentials, I often draw upon the words of my maternal grandfather regarding his opinion of ADHD, "In my day, there was no such thing as ADHD. If you didn't pay attention, the nuns hit you with a ruler." Not that I'm advocating using the treat of violence to cajole kids into cooperating with their lessons, but I have my own in my day experience. My 9th grade world civilization teacher commanded everyone's attention during his classes. You couldn't even slouch in your seat without being reprimanded, "Miss Allen! Please sit up straight." If you were caught passing notes or even day dreaming, you could be thrown out of class and that might go down on your PERMANENT RECORD! Of course I was in a class with other nerdy honour students. Maybe his tactics didn't work as well with some remedial students who didn't give a shit. 

Getting back to my nephew, I just don't feel that an ADHD label explains his language delays (and motor delays, as I recently learned that he didn't walk until 18 months old). I still suspect his is on the autism spectrum, and that my cousin and her husband are calling it ADHD in public. Whatever his true diagnosis, the good news is that he is finally receiving some supportive services. I think his parents finally got their wake up call when he was rejected for kindergarden last year. His birthday is at the end of August, so he's one of those kids on the fence, but he was in no way ready for kindergarden. He started working with an occupational therapist and attends a social skills class. He seems to be doing better and was recently approved to enter kindergarden this year. I just wonder how much was lost during the years his parents had their heads buried in the sand. Kate is probably just a normal energetic baby for her age, but I don't want to be oblivious as my cousin was. 

Milestones: I arrived to pick Kate up from Day Care, and surprisingly wasn't the last parents as there were two other babies present. One had taken his first steps that day. "Kate is next!" exclaimed one of my favourite attendants "She'll be our next walker! She's so close." Then my least favourite attendant spoke "Look at Lilly. She's only a few days older than Kate and she's already walking." Then, as if on cue, the tot walked a few steps on her own. Um, how about Fuck You? As they are both only ten months, they are both developmentally advanced, and please don't compare my daughter to others. (For those who follow me on Face.book, yes this is the woman who thought I was Kate's grandmother) Apparently, Kate did take a few independant steps at Day Care a few days later, and she's twice taken a few baby steps on her own with me, but we decided it doesn't count unless both mummy and daddy witness it. We're hoping that she does take her first offical steps in Hawaii, as it would be cool to report that location for such a milestone. 

Walking Training

Clothes: She's wearing 9 month clothes and I'm buying 12 month items. I did note that the snaps on a onesie seemed a bit tight and when I checked, sure enough it was a 6 month size, but still fit pretty well. 

Diapering: Still a nightmare. We often sing the strip teast song or The Hustle to try to entertain her. #SoInappropriate. Still so proud to be part time in cloth. We're still working on one of the disposable diaper boxes that I bought at the end of January.  

Looking forward to: Not having to do any more monthly photos! This past one was especially challenging as I was on my own, but between timing the light in her room and when she's not hungry or sleepy, it's a narrow window. She just wants to tear off the sticker and eat it. I tried my mom's trick of putting it on the chair; didn't work. I tried sneaking it in the photo, didn't turn out so well...I

I'm a bit bummed as we just finished our second six week series of baby sign, but I'm looking forward to our next activity of swim lessons! 

Tyler photo bombs her photos too!

My Worst Mommy Moments

A few weeks ago, an old friend sent me a text asking if motherhood was living up to my expectations. I had to think a bit before answering. As I wasn't sure if it would actually happen, I never really had an opportunity to build any expectations. I figured that it was supposed to be hard. Everyone says it's very hard. As much as it would piss me off when Myrtle would complain about motherhood, I did appreciate that she was painting a realistic picture of what it could be like. At times it even feels that infertile mothers aren't supposed to complain about parenting. After all, we paid a lot of money to go though many painful procedures just for the privilege. Yet, I can honestly say, that so far, it hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. I won't go as far as to say that it is easy;  but manageable. I'm very fortunate to have a very healthy and rather good baby and I get a lot of help and support from my husband. Least, I create the impression that our life is all sea shells and balloons; here is a list of my worst mom moments.

The Puke Shower
I watched in horror as my friend Jill, the first in our circle to procreate, once caught baby sick in her hand. "Oh, we don't care anymore." her husband explained. "We don't even bother with burp clothes." Although I didn't wanted to have children at that time; I vowed that if I did I would always keep a cloth handy. Enter reality, getting puked on is part of parenting. I became apathetic. It's why I change into my 'mom uniform' of yoga pants and a long sleeve grey Gap shirt as soon as I get home. Yet there was something about the last puke of the day that would break me; and a few times brought me to tears. Looking back, I don't think it was as much about the puke as it was about the fact that it was getting close to Kate's bedtime and I was waiting for Husband to come home from his hockey game, so he could put her to bed and I could start preparing the crap food that would become our dinner. You know, because his life doesn't seem to have changed on the surface and he didn't have to spend all day along with a crying baby. Yeah, that probably was an influencing factor, but it still sucks to get drenched in puked. Recently, I left the house to go to the gym and I grabbed my favourite hoodie sweatshirt. As I was walking into the gym, I noticed a large stain of puke down the front. I kept in on and continued walking. It represented my 'Mom Badge of Honour'.

Hair Pulling
I think I'm finally past the shedding phase, but it would make me so mad when she was seeming trying to pull out whatever I had left. I've discovered first hand just how strong and tight her grip is, and I've contemplated bringing back the Sinade O'Connor from the 90s look. Equally as annoying, but not as painful: when she pulls my glasses of my face.

Impeccable Timing
In the first few weeks of her life, Kate seemed to have a sixth sense of when I was about to eat, and would wake up at that time. I think it's how I was able to lose weight so quickly in the immediate postpartum period. Once we had established a routine napping schedule, she figured she could have more fun at night by waiting until I've finally climbed into bed after a long day, and then erupting into a piercing cry. I would rather be woken up in the middle of the night. At least then I've had some sleep. This just felt like I was being teased.

Cat vs Baby
I wasn't sure how Tyler would take to Kate, but my intuition felt that he wouldn't be aggressive towards her. As I sometimes catch him sleeping outside her door, I wonder if he even feels a bit protective. Now that she's becoming more curious about him, I'm starting to feel more protective over him. I fear that she'll grab his big fluffy tail in the same way she grabs my hair. I also feel a bit of kitty mom guilt when I have to get up during the night to tend to her. If it's not hard enough to get out bed when you have a warm kitty snuggling beside you, but I feel badly that Tyler is losing out on his mummy time.

The Purple Nurple
While I lucked out with a late teether; there were a few occasions when she would squeeze her tight little fist over the other nipple while feeding. It was enough to want to pack it all in and declare that breastfeeding is over.

The Car Seat Strap
After pinning down my wiggle worm and attempting to strap her in, I'll discover that the strap has become twisted. If you have a Britax car set, I'm sure you know exactly what I am talking about, although maybe other brands have this same problem. I'm not sure how it gets twisted, as it seems impossible to untwist it by folding the strap and moving the fastener over it. I am pretty sure it is because of this car seat that Kate will be correcting her teacher when she learns her ABCs in pre-school, "No. My mommy says it's fucking-A."

Diaper Wrestling Match
I would rather deal with a massive blow-out from a two month old with every diaper change, then wrestle down my nine month old just to change a wet nappy.

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall...
As she started to roll over, Husband and I cautioned each other that we would have to be very mindful about leaving her unattended, even for a second, on the bed or changing table. However, we also acknowledged that it would eventually happen. Sure enough, the fall occurred on my watch. I placed her on my bed so I could get a photo of a possible outfit to share with our photographer. I turned my back just to set the phone down, as I soon as I turned around, she was right at the end of the bed. I rushed over as fast as I could, but I didn't make it in time. She took a tumble of approximately three feet from our bed, and fortunately landed on her shoulder. A kiss and a cuddle latter, she was fine, but I can't stop replaying the image of her going off the side of the bed.

Day Care Over Time
When it's my turn to pick Kate up from Day Care; she's always the last baby to leave.

One Year Announcements
I have yet to send out my birth announcements. It was originally as goal to complete this task before the end of my maternity leave. I was going to use a very sweet photo that Husband snapped with his iphone, but as we were scheduling her professional photos, I learned that these images could be used with Tiny Prints. This would also help justify the high price we were paying for the professional photo sessions. We finally settled on our prints around Thanksgiving and I placed the order with Tiny Prints just after Christmas. The first chore was to go through and update our address book. Seven people moved, one died, lots of infertility blogger friends to add. Husband suggested doing about 10 per night, and I quickly banged out the ones intended for friends in England and sent them off to my in-laws to post. Then I seemingly lost motivation. The box of announcements just sat in my bedroom. I may even have thrown some clothes on top of it.

As she hit her nine month birthday, I began to wonder if there was any point to sending out announcements, I mean I think everyone knows we had a baby about now. Yet, I felt reminded that she's my one and only baby and I still needed to engage in this parenting ritual. Plus, it would just be a waste of money if I threw them away, so it made sense to spend more money so that the recipients could throw them away. Finally decided to get my act together. Discover we don't have enough 2 x 4 inch labels. I could have sworn I had an unopened package. Target doesn't carry the labels; make a special trip to Staples. Find that my original package of labels fell behind the printer. I have enough labels to get through the next three holiday seasons. Print out a few pages of return address labels and shut down my laptop. Discover that the pages fed incorrectly and the printing didn't align properly on the labels. F-u-u-u-c-k. Can't be bothered to fire up the Mac again. Alas the announcements have sat in their box for another two weeks... Meanwhile, I did buy some stamps...

Baby Snacks
As Kate seemed to enjoy them, I was curious to know how the kale and green apple teething waffers tasted. After sampling a small bite, I decided that they were rather good and I ate an entire packet.

Me and My Shadow
Husband was recently asked to umpire a hockey match on a Sunday. The coach was in a bind as a previously committed umpire had to cancel. I reminded him that is also umpiring all day on Saturday. I also added that I was hoping to get my hair cut on Sunday. Yet, it was an opportunity for Husband to help a friend in need and get paid $125 for one game (since it was last minute, the coach bumped up the payment). My split ends would have to wait. I have to be the default parent, it's just seems to be presumed that I'll always be available to take care of Kate. I'm still jealous of his freedom. He has an outlet; something that can give him a reprieve from parenting for an extended period of time. All I wanted was an hour to myself to get my hair cut. I know that being a parent means your needs are moved to the bottom of the list at times, and I feel that I'm making too big a deal out of this, but it shouldn't be a big deal. I hadn't had a hair cut in over six months, it required that my husband watch our baby for an hour. I didn't realise that I would be harder to schedule with him that I would be to book with my stylist.

As I was still stewing over this issue hours later, I realised that I was longing for something more than the feeling of running my fingers through clean hair. It was time to acknowledge that I feel like I'm losing a bit of my identity. Excluding work related meetings and lectures, I've only been able to pursue my own activity twice, as I've logged two solo 10 Ks. Yes, I love bringing her to the gym and love receiving the adulation from some of the elite athletes who are impressed that I can do over head squats (with PVC pipe) with Kate strapped in the Baby Bj.orn. Yet at the gym, or while on a run, I have to be a mother first. It's not quite the same. My present life represents everything I wanted so desperately for the past four years, maybe even longer. It has exceeded my expectations and yet I still miss aspects of my past life. I missed our recent swim meet. Although my coach asked me to swim on a relay team in her usual weekend before the championship desperation state, but I couldn't. I haven't been in a pool in over six months. The last time I swam was in the Autumn Short Course Meters event, where I stunned myself by pulling out a personal best in the 50 Free while my baby watched while being held by my coach. My plan was to return to swimming in the morning after I finished breastfeeding and would have more time to get myself ready for work, but I don't think I can wait. I resisted swimming at noon on my day off (presuming I could coordinate her nap during that time) as I knew that swimming just once a week wouldn't be enough to get back into competitive shape,  but once a week will have to do. I'm going to try to attend the 7 AM class on Tuesdays. For all the weekends that husband gets reprieve from parenting on a hockey field, he can watch her for an hour in the morning for me. It's not ideal, but it's a start.

Nine Months

As I've been progressing though adulthood for the past, oh say, 22 years, I've been forced to acknowledge that I share many traits and quirks with my mother. Yet, it wasn't until I became a mother that it finally resonated that I'm becoming my mother. Whenever I wore new clothes to school, my mother would always ask, "did anyone comment on your outfit?". She would seem disappointed when I replied that the answer was no. Apparently, Ms Myrtle would ask Myrtle the same question and she threatened to send Myrtle to school in some hideous outfit just to see if anyone would notice, so Myrtle wised up and just started making up comments. I had dressed Kate in an adorable raccoon sweater from Janie and Jack. The sweater was actually a gift to my cousin's first born from me. A family of raccoons made their home under our deck that year and we spent the summer exhausting ways to encourage them to relocate. My cousin gave the sweater back to me along with other clothes and baby items. Judging on it's perfect condition and knowing how messy her kids are; I'm guessing that it was never worn. "So, did any one comment on your sweater?" I asked Kate as I picked her up from Day Care. D'oh! There it was. My mothers words coming out of my mouth!

A slightly more interesting case in point: My maternal grandfather took a lot of pride in the family car. We're talking, washing it by hand on the driveway every Sunday kind of proud. We used to visit my grandparents between Christmas and New Year's and one year there was a big snow storm just before we left for Pennsylvania. Our car was caked with salt and dirt and looked pretty typical for any vechile during a Northeast winter. Apparently, my grandfather made a snide remark about the state of our car, as every year afterwards, we would stop to get our car washed when we were within 30 minutes of my grandparents house. Some years, when we would travel on Christmas day, and our usual car wash stop was closed, we would have to use a coin operated do-it-yourself facility. (Looking back, I have no idea how may parents found these places to wash your car without a smart phone!)

My mother finally quit smoking in her mid 50s. However, she let her parents believe she quit in her early 30s, a few years after I was born. As my grandparents didn't drink and didn't keep any alcohol in their house, my mother would joke that visit was here 3 days stint in the Betty Ford Clinic, as she couldn't drink or smoke. I have memories of being at that self service car wash on Christmas Day. My Dad and I unpacked all of our suitcases so we could vacuum the interior while my mother was 'supervising' as she savoured her final cigarettes before checking into rehab. I can only imagine all the cars that drove by wondering what the fuck was this family doing cleaning their car on Christmas day? 

Actually, I've been getting my car cleaned prior to my parents coming out for a visit ever since we moved out to California. We joke that it's become a bit of a family tradition. However, I had a greater sense of urgency with this past trip. The front of my car was a mess of crumbs from my secret stash of oatmeal raisin 'I need them to maintain my milk supply' cookies. Before easily getting talked into the most expensive wash option at the professional car wash, I took our air compressor and blasted the crumbs out of every small crack that I knew would be missed unless I opted for the super expensive detailing package. Then, I took a lint roller and did a final pass after the car came back from the cleaners. I was determined to hide my secret habit, just like my mother. 

Stats: Weight 19 lbs 1.4 oz  Length 27 inches

Her height has hit a plateau. Our paediatrician warned that after 6 month genetics would take effect on her growth rate. Sorry Kate both your parents are of average height for their respective genders.

Teeth: So, remember how in my Eight Month post I was convinced that she was never going to cut any teeth, but I would forever love my toothless bald baby? The night after that post, she (we) had a horrible night of sleep. She was waking every two hours and would take about an hour to put down. This was far worse than her newborn days. The next morning she decided to chew on, of all things, my thumb. Something sharp tried to piece my skin. There was no mistaking it. The slight emergence of a pearly white tooth. "Oh! You're not an asshole!" I cried with joy. Two weeks later another tooth joined the party and she is now sporting two bottom teeth. Her hair is finally starting to emerge. Within a week it seems to have sprouted as if someone slipped her Rogaine. So far it seems to be blond.

Feeding: Even before she cut any teeth, our pediatrician gave the us the green light to feed her Cheerios. Cheerios are awesome. We can put her in the highchair with a handful of O's on the tray and that will buy us about 10 minutes to wash bottles, start preparing dinner or even waste time if we wanted. My rookie error: forgetting to don a bib. Apparently, Cheerios stain. Rather badly, as I've ruined a few of her pajamas, which she has fortunately outgrown. We also started feeding her meat. Her first taste was some leftover cottage pie that I quickly pulsed in the Baby Bullet. It represented the first time she ate the same food as us, but as it was on leftover night, we weren't eating the same meal at the same time. I made up some batches of ground turkey and butternut squash, but they became more of an acquired taste. In order to get her to take a bite, I had to dip the spoon in applesauce. As I worked my way through the jar, I used less applesauce and saved the rest for her dessert. So far the only food she's really rejected has been parsnips. She doesn't appreciate the foods of her father's people. 

I'm not sure what finally worked, but my milk supply returned to normal and I was even able to wean off the Mother's Milk tea, Fenugreek, beer and cookies. Then my parents came to visit, and I tended to  bottle feed when we went out, which led to longer periods of time without expressing. I had a few nights where I overslept and missed a pumping session and I've been so busy at work that I can only manage pumping twice a day. This all led to a slight drop in my milk supply. It feels similar to how you can work out consistently for weeks, but then skip the gym for a few consecutive days and suddenly you feel so out of shape. The breasts are unforgiving. I'm so tempted to follow this lead and wrap up breastfeeding, but I'd fall short of the goal to make it to one year, even though my plan is to start weaning in about six weeks. During the day, Kate seems to be easily distracted and less interested in nursing, which makes me wonder if this is the time to cut her off? (My intention is to stop nursing before she can demand the breast) Yet, I'm not too keen on being an exclusive pumper, although I did master a new skill: Pumping while driving. I thought it was crazy when Nina first suggested it, but it is a good use of time. I just had to drive very carefully, for fear of getting into an accident; but if I did, my obituary would note what a dedicated breastfeeding mother I was.  

Sleep: After the horrible frequent waking on the teething night, she went back to waking just once a night. She was even pretty consistent about it. It would be at either 11:30 or 3:00, which coincidently, are around my pumping times. Once again, we accepted that waking once during the night wasn't so bad. I would feed her and we could both be back asleep in less than half an hour. The she slept through the night one weekend. We both knew not to get too excited about it, but for the past few weeks she been sleeping throughout more nights that she's been waking and needing to feed. She will sometimes wake once or twice a night, but usually falls back to sleep herself. We've been transitioning her naps from three to two, and it seems to be going well. Although I realised that I tend to take her out to do my errands, knowing that she will sleep in the car. I viewed it as a win-win, she gets her nap and I get shit done. Then I started to fear that I was using the car as a sleep crutch, so thanks to a few rainy days when I didn't want to go out anyway, we discovered that she can still go down for a nap in her crib. Phew! 

Milestones: Not really walking just yet. She still wants to stand all the time, and when she's in the Pack and Play, she'll do a 'Look Ma! No hands!' and stand on her own for a few seconds, before needing to grasp the sides or fall down. We got her a little plastic activity table, so she can practice cruising around it and one day she decided to push it like a walker and took a few steps. We joked that we should put some tennis balls on the feel of the table to help her practice. She learned to clap, which was followed by banging two objects together. Her language is still the same. Lots of babbles with some 'ba-ba' or 'da-da' thrown in. We may have had a break through with baby signing. While I was feeding her dinner, I noticed that she seemed to be making the sign for milk. I had Husband bring out a bottle to show her and we both repeated making the sign and saying 'Milk. Milk. Milk" Which sounded very similar to a classic scene from American Pie. She just seemed to giggle at us, but the next day when I went to get her out of her car seat, she was making the milk sign. I showed her a bottle and she repeated the sign. She greeted me with the milk sign on one other occasion and I began to wonder if she sees me as milk, hence relates me to the milk sign. Or maybe she was just randomly clenching her hand in a fist.... Yet while I was feeding her carrots, she did position her hand correctly for the carrot sign. We'll keep practicing. 

Likes and Dislikes: When I take she shopping, I'll wear her in the Baby Bj.orn and she'll hold on to the handle and will want to push the trolley. It's adorable, but to allow her to push, I have to scrunch down and it kills my back after a while. She loves climbing in the infant seat when it's sitting on the floor in her room, but if you go to put her in it when it's time to go out, she'll cry and fuss and try to squirm away, so it's another wrestling match to get her in the car seat. 

Clothing: Leading into her 9 month birthday, she was still able to wear most of her 6 month size clothes. As I've been delayed getting this post out, she is no longer fitting into the 6 month stuff, which means she either had a growth spurt, or my mother shrunk her clothes by washing them with hot water.

Diapering: In exciting diapering news, she moved into a size medium diaper cover. It's still such a challenge to change her, and for some reason I naively thought she would get over this wanting to crawl and climb everywhere thing and lie still for a diaper change. Our pediatrician suggested changing her on the floor, as it would be easier to pin her down and I think he fears she'll fall and break a bone. We tried. No luck holding her down and she peed on the carpet. Twice. Many years ago I had issues with our cats peeing in the house and I feared this could invite them to start again. No more changing on the floor. 

Health Issues: She had a bad cough spell earlier this week, where she was up for nearly and hour with a cough that wouldn't stop, but it seems to have cleared.

Looking forward to: I can't believe our trip to Hawaii is next month! I'm excited, but also overwhelmed by the planning and packing that needs to be done. I also have no idea what we are going to do. I received an email from the hotel concierge offering to help schedule some activities for us, and I asked if she had any suggestions for a family traveling with a 10 month old. She replied that most activities are not conducive to families with young children, with the exception of a luau, which seems to be enjoyed by all ages. She added "I can see you and your daughter relaxing out by the pool". She must not know that pool is the last place I would want to try to relax with my near mobile daughter, and their pool is merely an oversized bathtub... but anyway... we'll be in Hawaii... 

The Blooper Reel:

As she tried to pull off the sticker, we tried putting it on her back...

Place the sticker on the chair and use a toy to distract...no this isn't working either...

Now she's finally facing the camera, but we're looking at the lion's butt.

Sheesh! Will no one cooperate?

Do as I say; not as I do...

As breastfeeding was going so well, I thought I had won the debate on baby feeding. Nope. I had just passed Phase One. When Kate was almost three months old, I went for lunch with some other mothers in the New Parents Support Group. As their babies were a few months older, they had begun introducing solids through Baby Led Weaning. "What's Baby Led Weaning?" I asked in earnest. The two women exchanged looks. I'm sure it was acknowledging their surprise that I hadn't heard about Baby Lead Weaning, but also realising it was an opportunity to teach me. Almost talking over each other, they quickly ran through the philosophy and principles of this approach, and then tried to convince me that purees are passé and BLW is the BFD. "It's so great! Baby eats what you eat!" one woman kept repeating. That's where she lost me. Yeah...you see about that... I said to myself in my Bill Lumburgh voice. We eat like crap!

When we were getting ready to start Kate on solids, I realised it represented quite an opportunity. I could make sure the foods she eats in her first year, will be the healthiest choices of her entire life. I went to Whole Foods to purchase their pre-cut butternut squash. Husband tried to cook with a bag of organic peas, but I stopped him in time to point out that those were for Kate, we would be eating from the bag of basic Safe.way brand peas. I relished having total control over what she would be eating. I know I will eventually have to relinquish this control as she will become exposed to other foods outside of our home. She'll discover that candy is involved with almost every major holiday and she'll receive the obligatory cupcake with each classmate's birthday. Even just this past week, the instructor at her Baby Yoga class offered flavoured teething biscuits. "They're organic!" she assured her crunchy Bay Area audience. A mother next to me read the wrapper, "it contains organic sugar" she informed me. The purist in me wanted to refuse it, but I didn't want her to watch all the other babies snacking on their waffers, not that I know whether or not she'd get upset about it. "There are worse things..." I commented to the other mother as I decided to let Kate have the treat.

The thing is that I do want her to enjoy foods. I want her to discover that chocolate and peanut butter make an awesome combination. I want her to know that everything is better with bacon. I just want her to be at an age where she can make good choices. The trouble is that I'm nearly 40 years old and I still haven't learned those lessons. Although we have improved over time. When we moved into our house 6 years ago, we were spending our evenings working on remodeling and we ate take-out meals almost every night. I gained nearly 10 pounds during that time, it was a struggle to lose that weight. As I've mentioned previously, Husband is not very [at all] helpful with meal planning. Sometimes, I would ask him just to defrost a protein in the morning, figuring that we could create some kind of a meal when I came home from work, only to discover that he failed this task. It always amazed me they way he could be so oblivious about dinner. I suppose between his mother and myself, the magical dinner fairy has produced a plate in front of him. I pointed out that it was fine for him to ignore dinner with me, after all, I'm an adult who can fend for herself; but if we were to have a child, he would be legally responsible for feeding him or her!

Throughout the course of our (almost) 10 year marriage, we've gone through the 'what's for dinner' debate. I finally had to accept that I will never get assistance with meal planning, and if I leave him to do the shopping, he'll come home with many unhealthy options. I am fortunate in that he is a good and willing cook, so I'll continue to handle the other two tasks. Previously, we would do well for a few weeks, then encounter a week with many FUFFYs, (when one of use will not be home for dinner, it's Fuck yoU, Fend For Yourself) or we'll just get busy and planning will go out the window and we'll be left scrambling for dinner ideas each night. Now that Kate is here, I can't drop the ball on this. As she will eventually be eating what we are eating, it's my responsibility to make sure we have a plan for dinner each night, and I'm also taking ownership to make sure it's a healthy and nutritious meal, and not processed crap.

I often quote Eleanor Roosevelt, "you cannot ask that of others, that which you are not willing to do yourself". If I want Kate to eat healthful foods and to develop good habits, then I have to model good behaviour. During the month of June, I'm going to do a Whole 30 Challenge. No sugar. No grains. No dairy. No legumes. No alcohol. It's my version of Cry It Out. I know I won't always be able to maintain clean eating and I know I won't always be able to control Kate's food, but I'm going to do the best that I can, for as long as I can.

The other behaviour that we have to modify in order to set a good example for Kate is with watching TV. Our pediatrician is very adamant about not exposing her to any screen time before the age of 2 years. As we were reading about the purpose of white noise to help infants' sleep, I recognised we seem to use TV for the same purpose. We'll turn on the television to syndicated episodes of The Big Bang Theory or Modern Family really just to have something background sound. So we've moved to using Pandora in the kitchen while we're making dinner or feeding Kate. Husband was also motivated to reduce our monthly bills, so he dropped our cable provider and switched us to a Roku. There are fewer channel options, but still gives us access to some basic cable channels and we spend a little extra for HBO. We only watch TV in our bedroom after putting Kate down for the night, but we'll rarely stay awake long enough for an hour long programme.

I question how long we'll maintain this strategy. My mother described that when I was a toddler, her one hour of sanity per day occurred while I was watching Sesame Street. I actually feel that The Street really helped shaped my upbringing. I learned to count, was introduced to Spanish words and other aspect of cultural diversity, as well as other valuable life lessons, such as Mr Hooper's death and Gordon and Susan adopting a baby named Miles. Furthermore, I cannot deny that television media is an important aspect of our social experience. The Nurse who led our New Parents Group described that she didn't let her children watch TV and her son felt left out while playing with his friends as he didn't know what The Power Rangers were. I made some friends in my college dorm while gathering in the common room to watch Friends each week. During most of the 90s, you could break the ice or evade an awkward pause in a conversation with a Seinfeld reference. I do want her to experience the positive benefits of TV.

Yet how to strike a balance? While I was growing up my TV time was limited and I could not watch television if it was a nice sunny day outside. My mother would literally shut off the TV and throw me out the door to go play in the back yard. If it were raining outside, I always knew that it meant I could watch cartoons, but my mother would give me something else to do while the TV was on in the background. I had to play with Legos, color or if she happened to be sewing, I would make clothes for my stuffed animals and dolls using her material scraps. My parents had a friend who used an interesting strategy with his boys. They had to earn an hour of watching TV or playing video games by reading for an hour. His hope was that they would become so engaged in the books that they would prefer reading to TV, or at least if would reduce the number of hours of TV time. It worked for the younger son, as he became a voracious reader. It was a struggle for the older son, as he had learning disabilities (probably dyslexia). I think I'll adopt a similar strategy, but may include other non-TV activities such as playing with Legos or art projects to start at an early age.

The final behaviour we need to modify is our use of iphones and the ipad (although as I am tying, Kate is sitting beside me eating Cheerios in her high chair). A few months ago, Husband was googling early signs of autism (you know, as you do...) and found a video from the Kenndey Kreiger Institute. In one particular clip a boy on the ASD spectrum was playing with an old mobile flip phone. The voice over described "the child shows an intense interest in his phone and does not share his enjoyment of the phone with others." Um, I don't know if that is unique to autism, as it seems to describe just about any adult with a smart phone, (including myself). I realise that the phone was just the toy used for the demonstration as this boy did exhibit other ASD features, yet it did give me pause to think about the impact of smart phone use.

I saw (on Facebook) a great Meme that captures the dilemma of this aspect of modern technology. "Cell phones keep you close to people far away, but it takes you away from the ones right next to you". This was also brilliantly captured by photographer Eric Pickersgill, in is Removed series. It thinks there is something poignant that many cafes are actually promoting 'No wi-fi service here. You'll have to talk to each other.' Especially when Husband and I are together, I'm trying to avoid using the phone in front of her, so she'll see that people do actually take to each other. Sometimes about things other than what they see on their phones. Yet perhaps the biggest execption with the iphone is when we enage in Facetime with her grandparents. BTW, does that count as screen time? I know how much it means to my parents and my in-laws to be able to see a live shot, so we'll continue our weekly calls and just hope it's not causing any lasting damage.

I need a better editor. 

Breastfeeding Support Starts at Home

A few months after I was hired by the Ob/Gyn department of a local hospital, I received a letter indicating that I had been assigned to work on a committee. Apparently, it was a requirement to maintain my privileges that was buried in the fine print of the application. My assigned committee was focusing on how to support breastfeeding on the postpartum ward. I resented being on this committee as I would have rather been in the clinic seeing patients and I didn't understand why there was such a great need to be "breastfeeding friendly." I found that the proposed breastfeeding initiatives (remove formula samples from the take home bags, only offer formula to the mother and baby if recommended by the pediatrician), seemed to stigmatize the woman who couldn't breastfeed, or one who was struggling. "What about breast cancer survivors? Women who are HIV positive?" I really enjoyed raising the counter point as I couldn't stand the nurse who led this committee. I also noted that conversations among the committee members seemed to be more directed on how we could advertise how our hospital was more supportive of breastfeeding than hospitals in the area. There seemed to be little discussion on how we could benefit an actual postpartum mother.

I found that the nurses on the postpartum ward during my stay were very helpful to get breastfeeding started, without being too in your face about it. They observed Kate's latch, gave me some position tips and when she didn't seem to be getting enough calories, they recommended using the supplemental nursing system to administer formula and they suggested trying to pump my colostrum. They sent us home with some samples of formula, which was most appreciated as we just needed it a few times and were able to avoid buying a whole can. It was just what we needed to get started, but I feel what most strongly influences breastfeeding success is the support received at home.

Prior to becoming pregnant, I had heard about the father's role for supporting breastfeeding and I probably rolled my eyes. In particular, I recall having one patient who at night months was really ready to be done with breastfeeding, but her husband was adamant that he wanted her to breastfeed for a year. The tone of his voice was chilling. I had to ask the patient for a fake urine specimen so I could get her out of the room discretely and ask questions about possible intimate partner abuse. It just felt that if he could be so coercive about breastfeeding, he may be controlling her in other ways. I don't know if it was something he read in his Manual for New Dad's book, as Husband would regularly ask me, "Do you need anything? Can I bring you anything?" while I was nursing. At first I resented it a bit, I felt like an invalid; that I couldn't take care of myself. Then I realised that if I didn't respond, he'd probably stop asking. So I learned that it was okay to ask for a glass of water, or a cup of tea. Mostly I came to appreciate that while checking in on my needs, he was participating in the nursing process.

Until I became proficient at getting Kate to latch and watching her cues, I really didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of anyone else. I still won't say that I'm entirely comfortable breastfeeding in front of my father, but we've both moved on. I didn't feel comfortable at all breastfeeding in front of my in-laws, but I didn't want to have to leave the room every time she needed to feed. I would sit in the corner of the room and use my modesty cover. "Would you like a (burp) cloth?" my mother in law would ask about every five minutes. "No, thank you" was my answer every time, but that really translated to 'No, just please leave me the fuck alone!' Sometimes recognising when she needs privacy is also an important component of support.

Interestingly, while I won't go as far as to say that she was unsupportive, the one person who gave me a hard time about my breastfeeding, was my mother. It started when she first criticised how often I was feeding, and suggested that I should be taking Kate for a walk or rocking her when she cries, rather than nursing. While we were driving from Connecticut to Pennsylvania to visit my aunt, I needed to hand pump during a rest stop just for relief (there was no way I could feed Kate milk that was pumped in a rest station bathroom, but I made Husband pour the milk out, as I couldn't bear to do so). When I walked out of the bathroom stall, my mother was waiting with her arms folded across her chest. "Can we go now?" she demanded in a huff. Clearly, my need to pump for the purpose of comfort was an inconvenience to her.

We went stopping with Kate while my mother was visiting us for Christmas and I suggested stopping at Star.bucks for a coffee and so I could nurse Kate. "Oh, do they have a room?" my mother asked. I laughed to myself. Surely she didn't think that California was so liberal that each Starbucks was equipped with a breastfeeding room. Later that day, we met up with my Dad and Husband for lunch. While we were waiting to be seated, I announced that I was going to change Kate and I grabbed the diaper bag and headed to the rest room. When I returned, my mother asked "Did you feed her?" I couldn't believe that she would think it would be acceptable to feed my daughter in the bathroom, but more so ...how? She had been in the bathroom of that restaurant before. It's two tiny stalls and a sink. I used the modesty cover while I fed Kate at the table. I sort of had the volition to flash my mother just to try to piss her off. Yet her most aggravating action came while we were visiting my friend Amy and her husband Sheldon. Amy had a baby two weeks after Kate and we were both comfortable feeding in front of each other and our families. I started to nurse Kate while Sheldon was on the other side of their large open concept living and dining room. My mother grabbed a muslin blanket from Kate's infant seat and walked over to me and draped it over Kate without saying a word. She didn't need to; her message was clear. I needed be covered as if I were an inappropriately dressed teenager. I felt stripped of autonomy. It's my body, my breasts, my modest, my comfort level. I decide if I want to cover. I responded to her passive aggressive actions with one of my own. I took the blanket off and dropped it on the floor.

So, I admit that much of my intention for this post was to have a good rant about my mother, but it feels interesting to note that although I've become so much more enlightened about breastfeeding through my own experience, some of my prior perspective is validated. I feel the role of the hospital staff was to help us start breastfeeding though teaching and trouble shooting, but the support received when you leave the hospital is far more important for continuation. I enclosed my list of tips to help with breastfeeding.

1. Work with the nurses in the hospital to make sure your baby gets a good latch. Kick visitors out until you feel comfortable flashing your boobs.
2. Do what ever position feels best. My nurses kept advocating the football hold, as it's supposed to be easier for C/s mammas; but we both hated it, so I asked the nurses to stop setting it up for us.
3. If you need to give formula, ask about SNS (Supplemental Nutrition System also called Supplemental Milk System). You get baby to latch on the nipple and then slip a small flexible catheter into baby's moth and deliver formula through a syringe. It's great as you both get to work on nursing and she gets the nutrition she needs. (Medela sells a SNS kit)
4. Plan to bring your Boppy/My Breast Friend to the hospital. Not all will provide and it's best to get familiar with yours
5. Don't panic (right away) about whether baby is getting enough to eat with each feed (after milk is established and the eight is going back up). Babies are smart and will take what they need. Some times it will be a big feed, other times it's just a snack. Listen for your baby to make gulping sounds and watch their hands, if the hands are relaxed, it indicates satisfaction. Count the wet diapers (urine is a better indicator than poop) We used the app MammaBaby, which allows you to track diapers, feeding times (and which breast) and sleep.
6. Go to a Lactation support group in the early days, even if things are going well. You'll gain confidence that you're doing the right things and will pick up some tips and may offer help to someone else.
7. Make sure your nursing bra fits properly. If it's too tight, it can constrict milk supply.
8. Also make sure your pumping flanges are fit to your nipples
9. The term 'nipple confusion' is a bit of a misnomer. It has less to do with the distinction between a human versus a rubber nipple and more do to with the amount of effort required by the baby. Milk flows from the bottle much quicker and easier for a baby, where as baby has to work harder to remove milk from the breast. However, if you are planning to have baby use a bottle, the best time to introduce a bottle is between 3-4 weeks. Be sure to use low flow nipples and continue to offer at least one bottle every 1-2 days.
10. Get a hand pump. It's great to keep in your diaper bag and you can pump without worrying about noise or where to plug in. Plus when baby nurses on one side, you can quickly pump on the other.
11. Hands free pumping bra. Must have hook and latch closure. The zippers break too easily and don't adjust for your changing chest size.
12. Drink Mother's Milk tea 3-5 cups while waiting for milk to come in and then 1-2 cups a day. I also do daily beer (avoid feeding 1 hour post consumption) weekly pint of ice cream and lots of oatmeal cookies.
13. As baby sleeps longer at night, consider getting up to pump. My feeling is 'tap the gold mine while you can'. I've built up quite a frozen stash, plus lots of manipulative points with my husband "I got up to pump all those nights the least you can do is X" or "I can afford to buy [something] because I saved us the expense of formula." Oh yeah, that one will get used a lot...
14. When you go back to work, order more sets of phalanges and pump parts. It avoids needing to wash the same set between pumping sessions (and the awkwardness of washing your pump parts in the breakroom of your office).
15. Playing Tetris the the best way to pass time while pumping.

Eight Months

Wow. I didn't mean to go an entire month without posting, but in fairness, February was a short month. At eight months, it feels like we're hitting our stride and have fallen into a good routine. Our week looks something like this:

Monday: My late night at work. I drop Kate off at day care at 7:30 AM and I'm home around 7:00 PM just in time to put her to bed. Dinner is reheated leftovers from Sunday's meal.

Tuesday: After she demonstrated her planking abilities, I started taking Kate to Baby Yoga. I was hoping there would be some 'Mommy Yoga' in this class, but it's mostly working babies through a few poses and there's a lot of sitting around in a circle singing songs. My younger self vowed that she would never participate in a Mommy and Me singing play group, but I have to admit that I think the class is good for Kate. The instructor is very energetic and she explains the benefits to each activity. She teaches some baby signing, brings in music and leads purposeful play. Plus, it's reasonably priced at $10 for a drop in class or $25 for three classes. I use the excuse that I have a horrible singing voice (which is accurate) to evade singing any of the songs in class. I'm somewhat being true to my younger self. After yoga, we'll meet Husband at the gym. Kate will usually sleep through the first part of the WOD, then we'll tag team baby care and doing our workout. It's the epitome of teamwork parenting. While Kate takes her afternoon nap (hopefully) I'll work on meal prep for the rest of the week. Mixing dry ingredients, cutting up chicken and freezing it in pieces, I look for any shortcuts to make preparing a healthy meal quicker. As much as I love having a day off, I try to get so much done that I feel exhausted at the end of the day and I return to work feeling more tired, but I am not complaining.

Wednesday; Regular work day. Wednesday is also the night to put our garbage and recycling bins in front of the house. I'm not sure why this activity is so time consuming.

Thursday: Another regular work day and my gym night. Home in time to put Kate to bed.

Friday: My early morning. I've started to appreciate that it's been getting lighter during my drive. Now that will change again after Day Light Savings.

Saturday; Baby sign class, then take Kate for a jog in the running stroller. Clean the bathrooms when I get home.

Sunday: Another gym day for me, sometimes Husband and Kate will join. After the gym, we hit the Farmer's Market and Tar.get. I mention this because the market is right in front of Tar.get. There are many signs indicating that there is no Farmer's Market parking in the Tar.get garage. I argue that if I shop at Tar.get [in addition to going to the market] I am legally parking. Plus, I see many other people using the Tar.get parking lot while shopping at the market. Once we make it home, I do my lunch prep for the week and make dinner.

At times it feels that most of my week is consumed with work, followed by planning meals for the upcoming week, shopping for food and preparing to cook. Please note, not every week is like this. For instance, this past weekend Husband was away both days for a hockey tournament, on Tuesday I had to take Kate to the doctors, Thursday I had to teach a class after work, and on Sunday morning I was too exhausted to work out after being up multiple times with Kate during the night. Boom. I haven't been to the gym in 10 days. I'm learning to get over it. Any week that I get to be Kate's mother is a good week.

Stats: 18 lbs 5 oz 27 inches

Teeth: Nope. Still None. I've accepted that she's never going to get any teeth. Nor hair. My baby will forever be toothless and bald, but we'll still love her. Next.

Feeding: My Australian friend Kylie shared with me that her milk supply suddenly dried up around seven months, so I was wary of approaching a seven month drought.  In the hay day of my over supply, I could pump 6-7 ounces per session, a few times hitting a PB of 8 ounces. When I went back to work, the milk slowed a bit, but I could still pump 5-6 ounces on a regular basis. Earlier this month, I had a day where I could only produce 4 ounces per session. I tried not to panic, but three days later, I was struggling to get 4 ounces. This also coincided with our decision to increase her bottles up to 6 ounces. I went to my usual routine to promote milk production; 5 cups of Mother's Milk tea per day, Power.ade, a beer (or two), lots of water and a box of oatmeal raisin cookies. This only yielded a modest increase, it was time to be more proactive. I went to a health food shop and purchased some Fenu.greek. It didn't really work, as I was still just barely getting four ounces and apparently, if it is effective, it makes your urine smell like maple syrup, which never happened.

I consulted Kelly.Mom for some advice; try adding an extra pumping session. I had been getting up every 3.5 to 4 hours at night to pump, but to fit in an extra session, I started getting up every three hours. I was able to accumulate more milk, but still wasn't producing a higher volume. Maybe I needed a new pump, as I channeled my inner Tim the Tool Man Taylor. More Power! [insert grunting noises] As I didn't go through my insurance to purchase my current pump, I decided to use my benefits provided by the Affordable Care Act, to acquire a hospital grade pump. The new hospital grade More Power! pump required a longer period of time to produce less milk than my Med.ela Pump in Style Advance.

Then, while pumping on a busy Friday morning at work, I produced 7 ounces. My next two pumping sessions each yielded 5 ounces. Bessie was back! For how long -who knows? While I was pregnant, I had promised myself that I would pressure my breasts into feeding for X amount of time, but when things were going well, it seemed reasonable to set short term goals. 3 months. 6 months. 9 months. Ideally, I'd like to get as close as I can to the one year mark, but I have to ask myself at times; do I really feel it is necessary to make it to one year, or do I just like the sounds of saying that I made it to one year? If we were to start using formula, she'd be just fine. We actually have 5 or 6 cans that my aunt gave us, so it would cost anything to use. Maybe I just like working towards a goal; or I'm not ready to give up just yet. I know I don't want to breastfeed beyond a year, and I'm not sure how to wean Kate from the breast. I want to make sure I stop before she can ask for the breast, or undo my shirt. One of my patients described that at nine months, "my son fired me". He just lost interest one day. I would appreciate it if Kate were to decide for herself when to stop breastfeeding. My current plan is to continue to push through March and April to pump as much as I can, if we're able to keep adding to our freezer stash, then I can ease up a bit in May. I'm planning to do a Whole 30 Challenge in June, and whatever happens to my milk supply during that time, is what happens. Yet, I have to admit that as anxious as I am to be finished with breastfeeding. I will miss it.

Sleep: We had to accept that her sleep would struggle while she was recovering from her ear infection, which seemed to be followed by a cold. Yet, even after she was feeling better, she would still wake up about three times per night. Sometimes as frequently as every two hours. Our slumber would be interrupted by a cry so gentle, it could be mistaken for a cat's meow. While hoping that the cries would quietly extinguish, husband and I would have to acknowledge that she was getting louder and more urgent. "What do you want to do?" he always asks me. I hate being asked that question, because what I want to do (go back to sleep) isn't an option for me. It's the dilemma that I face. Am I a horrible mother because I am letting my hungry baby cry? or am I a horrible mother as I'm only nursing my baby for comfort and habit. I'm guilty of the latter, because selfishly, it means I can go back to sleep sooner. Husband hypothosized that if we fed her more during the day, she shouldn't be so hungry at night. We increased her milk volume to 6 ounces per bottle and the first night, she only woke up once. Then she slept through the night three nights in a row. We thought we were so smart. but lately she's been waking up once a night again. I'm considering starting a planned dream feed to see if this eliminates her from waking on her own. If so, then I can work on cutting out the dream feed. She's also been waking a bit earlier around 5 AM. A few times, we've brought her to bed with us and she's fallen back to sleep. I'm trying to be very careful with this, as I don't want to invite a co-sleeping situation. It will be fun to see how she handles the Dayling Savings time change.

Milestones: One day she was sitting on her playmat and she reached her arms out to me. I held her hands and she proceeded to pull her self up to a stand and take two steps. Holy shit. We'll have a walker before we know it. We were not so impressed with early achievement of this skill when she pulls herself to a stand in her crib.

Her language seems to be on track. She's making "Ba-ba" and Da-da" sounds. Although, I don't think she connects that Husband is Da-da. The other morning, I made the banana sign, and was greeted with a big smile. I'm probably over-interpreting her reaction.

Likes: Now that she can pull herself to a stand, she wants to stand ALL.THE.TIME. She'll pull her self up on anything. The sofa. The drying rack. She'll even approach other parents at Baby Sign class and will try to enlist their help. She'll find anyway to stand up, even by pushing off her Activity Cube. The benefit is that she can play with the cube switched off. Seriously, the cube has to win the award for most annoying toy. The bird in the circle, sings a song that's wonderful. Tweet!Tweet!Tweet! The bird in the circle!

Apparently, she has a friend a Day Care. The baby with whom she spends most of her time is a boy named Grayson who is turning a year old this month. Husband is already keen to check out this boy and inquire about his intentions with our daughter.

Dislikes: The Pack and Play (aka 'Baby Jail'). We'll place her it in when we need to get something done, and she'll happily play for about 15, maybe 20 miutes before she's had enough and wants out.

Diapering: Oh, the Cone of Shame was a huge fail. It didn't stop her from rolling around, but it was helpful to keep her hands from getting messy. Until she figured out how to separate the velcroed pieces. Now it's just an expensive extra changing pad. I feel compelled to admit that we use a diaper service for our cloth diapers. It was the only way I could get Husband on board as he refused to wash the diapers. Plus, I know some make the argument that while cloth diapers aren't adding to the landfill, they do use more energy for washing. The people at our diaper service claim that because they are using industrial sized and strength washing machines, it takes the same amount of water for one toilet flush to clean a week's worth of diapers for one family. We're also under strict water restrictions because of the drought. Additionally, I feel that I'm helping to sustain cloth diapering by giving this service our business. Their staff was also super helpful when Kate has some skin breakdown issues in the beginning.

I recently met a mom who is so hard core about cloth diapering that she cleans her own diapers, uses them at night, and even used them while travelling. I could tell she didn't think I was a real cloth diapering mom, but I don't really care. We use disposables at night as they are just so absorbent. I swear the diaper must weigh close to a pound by the time we change her in the morning. So far, no leaks. We're still in size 3. Tar.get recently had a coupon $10 off if you spend more than $50 in diapers and they were running a promotion that if you bought (2) 124 count boxes, you would earn a $10 gift card. Boom! $20 in savings.  I hope we stay in this size for a while.
Clothes: Her wardrobe has been rather monotonous as I didn't want to buy any more 6 month sized pieces. She's still not quite big enough for the 9 month size, but her 6 month jammies no longer fit. Her pants have become capri lengths.

Health Issues: She recovered quite quickly from her ear infections as soon as we started her on antibiotics. Husband was concerned as she had a persistent cough, so we took her in to see her pediatrician. He reminded us that we are in cold and flu season, and for a day care baby, Kate was doing really well to escape with just two colds and an ear infection. For the record, I had said the same thing.

Looking forward to: My parents are coming for a visit! Kate's Day Care closes for a week in April. Husband has a work project that week, and two of my colleagues are also off that week, so my parents are going to be called upon for baby sitting. They are only staying for one week, and we both have unrealistic expectations for their visit. Husband wants my Dad to help with some DIY projects and I'm hoping my Mom and I can make some meals to freeze. I don't think my parents are going to want to do much beyond playing with Kate.

Seven Months

This update feels a little bittersweet. My baby has passed the half way point and is closer to being a toddler than an infant. It's so incredible to look through her pictures and appreciate how much she has changed even if I can't notice a difference on a day to day basis. Perhaps the most tangible difference occured a few weeks ago when she tried to wiggle out of my arms while I was cuddling her. Sigh, where did my little infant who could rest in my arms like a loaf of bread go? Soon enough she'll be walking, eating real food and maybe even talking. Time, please slow down..

Nicknames: Cup Kate, Button, Little Bunny, Kater Tot

Stats:
Weight: 17 lbs 11 oz
Length: 26.5 inches

Teeth: The anticipation is killing us. So, we think we've had all.the.symptoms. Drooling perfusely -check. Biting everything in sight -check. Decreased interest in eating -check.  Difficulty sleeping -check, check. Irritability -check. Everything except for the emergency of any pearly whites. We've had a few really bad nights where she would wake frequently, or take a long time to get back to sleep, so we'll give her some Infants' Advil, thinking this might finally be the real thing, only to discover, no we've just been drugging our daughter. Many years ago we had some issues with our late cat Angus, who was upset about something and decided to boycott the litter box. We loaded him up on catnip and he was so mellow that he got over whatever it was that was bothering him again and returned to using his kitty bathroom. I speculated, "Oh, won't we make good parents if we think drugs are the answer.."

Eating: As she doesn't have any teeth yet, I'm glad we're doing purees, especially as I noticed she pushes out the slightest chunk. I'm finding that I have to pre-mash the vegtables before putting them into the baby bullet in order to get a nice perfectly smooth consistency. We started with squash, and then went to peas, which we thought she liked, but apparently she spits them out at Day Care, and they kept writing "doesn't like peas" on her daily report before we finally got the hint; to stop putting the peas in her Day Care bag. The next thing we tried was bananas, which she absolutely loved. I can't blame her, I had a spoonful myself. It's delicious and I'm thinking of blending a banana for dessert and pretending that it's ice cream. Introducing carrots and avacado also coincided with her possible teething and cold + ear infection, so it was hard to tell how well they really were received. She'll often put her hands in her mouth after eating a spoonful, and I discovered bits of food on her lap and down the side of her highchair, which seems to be her version of spitting into your napkin. Co-worker suggested adding some banana to the carrots, which was a big hit. (I tried a sample myself, it is much better!) Apparently in a baby's world, it's not bacon that makes everything better, it's banana.

Sleep: It is such a moving target. She spoiled us by sleeping through the night after two months. I was terrified about the four month sleep regression, and sure enough she started waking during the night at that age. However, she would nurse and go back to sleep quite quickly, which wasn't too bad. Intermittently, she would still sleep through the night, but never more than two nights in a row. About a week or so after her six month birthday, she hit a new personal best and slept all night long for four consecutive nights. We were begining to think that we might go back to life from 2-4 months, but then it all unraveled. She broke her four night streak by waking every two hours, which I think is more frequent that when she was a newborn. Now, she's been averaging about 2-3 wakes per night and a good night is defined as just one waking. If it happens before midnight, then it's a very good night.

We have made some progress with sleep training. While Husband was away, I worked on putting her to bed awake and after three nights, she was falling asleep in less than ten minutes, with a bit of a babblish/light crying. Recently, she's been so tired that she falls asleep while nursing and seems to resist my attempts to gently rouse her while placing her in the crib. We've started using a 15 minute rule when she wakes during the night, wait 15 minutes to see if she goes back to sleep on her own (which happens about 40% of the time). If not, I'll nurse and will find that more often than not, she seems pretty hungry and will fall back to sleep rather quickly. Except for the few occasions, where she's showed no interest in going back to sleep and I'll just leave her in the crib to cry it out. She has started sleeping on her stomach, which makes her Daddy a bit nervous.

Likes: Pulling Mummy's hair. I keep a whole stack of hair ties on my stick shift and I've found it's not enough just to pull my hair into a ponytail. It needs to be a braid or a bun and if there is a wisp that falls loose; she will grab it. Loves bananas, still a big fan of bathtime. She's recently become fascinated with Tyler, and for the most part he's been very tolerant as she's tried to get near him or pet him. She started moving toward him and he gave a look that clearly read: "Oh shit! It moves!"

Stay.in.the.box.

Dislikes: Getting her nails trimmed. Unfortunately, like her mother, her fingernails grow quite quickly. She hates having her face and hands wiped after eating, as that is just the WORST THING EVER!

Diapers: Remember in the Six month update, where I described that diaper changes were becoming 'challenging'? Well, that got quickly upgraded to fucking nightmare. It's like trying to mud wrestle a pig. She won't stay on her back and she rolls around, or she tries to get up on her hands and knees. We asked her Day Care providers for some advice, and they commented, 'well all kids roll around at this age... but Kate is really strong, so it's much harder...' I'm speculating that they must do Rock/Paper/Scissors to decide who changes her, which is pretty much what we do. Trying to distract her with a toy only seems to encourage her to move more. It was starting to take the effort of both of us just to change and dress her. A few times, we both lost our cool and snapped at her. I was desparate for anything that might help, so I took interest when I saw a product called the SnoofyBee, which is a changing pad with a...sort of.. a dog cone. I read the reviews and oh boy, did the Sanctimommies weigh in on this one. "It's called disclipine, can't you just tell your child 'no'" (Um, she's 7 months old, doesn't quite understand the concept yet. I even tried saying 'non-non-non-non' in a [poor] French accent) "Can't you just distract them with a toy?" (Tried that; didn't work).

Yes. I put her in the CONE OF SHAME!

I have no problem confessing that I am a horrible mother, who was so desparate to do anything to make diaper changes easier. Unfortunately, it didn't achieve the objective, as she could still twist and turn. Admitting defeat, we've learned how to diaper her while she's on her hands and knees. It's not too hard when we're putting her in her nightly disposable diaper, but it really wasn't working to fasten her into a cloth diaper. We started using the tri-fold technique, which involves folding the diaper into thirds, so it makes like a long sanitary napkin and it is held in place with the diaper cover. This works to diaper her while she is on her hands and knees, and better yet, it doesn't require Snappy Clips. Does anyone else who cloth diapers noticed that your Snappy Clips suddenly disappear, as if there is a Bermuda Triangle for Snappy Clips? Then they suddenly re-appear as soon as you pick up a new package. 

Clothes:  Still in 6-9 months. I purchased a few sale items in the 9 month size, but they're too big for her right now. Let's keep it that way for a while. 

Milestones and Events: I forgot to mention it last month, but as 'sits independently' is on the developmental check list, we ticked that box just after the New Year. I'm bringing it up again, as I'm reminiscent of the days where she would remain stationary. Once she figured out that she could move forward, there has been no signs of stopping or even slowing down. After she realised that she wasn't going to get very far by moving backward, she took her first step toward crawling, but getting into a plank position. 

Her Cross-Fit parents are so proud!

She can get up on her hands and knees, but she really hasn't learned the coordination of moving her knees and arms in sync, so she's created her own 'slither'. She uses her upper body strength and sort of drags herself. It looks a little like 'the worm' via 80s break dancing. It's amusing and yet terrifing as she's remarkably quick. Yesterday I noticed that she seemed to want to pull herself up on the couch, so I allowed her to push off my hands and she was able to pull herself to a stand, and then proceeded to take two steps. Yikes! we may have a baby who skips crawling and just goes onto walking. 

If you remember from my last post, I was debating about running a 10K over Valentine's/President's Day weekend. Husband signed up to umpire for a hockey tournament (which was supposed to be just the morning, but ended up being an all-day event) so if I went, I would have to bring Kate along. I decided that we weren't ready, I had only taken her out in the running stroller a few times for a walk aroung the block and my one attempt at a training run, was cut short by a screaming baby. (In her defense, she was hungry. I fed her before we left, but had to run and errand on route to the trail, which took much longer than expected) Then my swim coach contacted me as she signed up for the race, but needed to go out of town at the last minute, so she offered her registration. Well, free was a price I couldn't dismiss. Even if she had a meltdown before the starting line, I felt as if we had nothing to lose. I decided that the 5K distance would be more suitable for our maiden race, and to my surprise all went better than expected. She was content for the first two miles and fell asleep around the third. I was able to run the entire way while pushing the stroller, and I even learned that the ediquette for stroller runners is to run on the outside of the course, as I was actually faster than some other runners. I accept that not every race will be this smooth, but I'm really looking forward to doing some more with her. 

Running is very tiring...

While we were waiting for the race to start, I wanted to give her a bottle, so she'd be well fed during the race. I propped the bottle up with one of her toys, so I could attach my bib and when I looked back at her, I saw that she was feeding herself by holding the bottle with both hands! Wow. This is a game changer in terms of making our lives a little easier. 

I can do it myself!

Health Issues: She picked up her second cold. We received the call from Day Care that she had a fever and she ran a temperature for two days while she had a cough and a runny nose. Mummy was impressed that her Day Care germ exposed daughter has only had two colds in a four month timeframe, while Daddy fretted that she has an underlying respiratory disorder. He wanted to take her to the pediatrician right away, but I resisted as I figured we'd hear the usual 'it's a virus, give supportive care' speech. Finally I agreed to take her in on a Friday, so we could see our regular pediatrician, rather than the doc-du-jour at Urgent Care, if we needed to seek medical care over the weekend. Bilateral Acute Otitis Media. The first dose of antibiotics kicked her fever. Sigh. Sometimes having a parent who is a medical provider is hazzardous to your health. 

Looking forward to: Alert the press! We are going on holiday! A proper vacation that does not involve visiting family or travelling with relatives. We're using our Hawaii time share in May. There was much drama leading into this. I'll offer the condensed version. We intended to go in August as Jate's Day Care closes for two weeks. We quickly learned that not only do you have to book on the first day of the year to get anything in August, but we must either book a location or bank our points by the 31st of March each year, otherwise we lose the ability to use them. Husband applied his English charm along with recapping all our fertility/pregnancy drama to the 'Appeals Committee' and we were able to convert our timeshare points to interval points, which allows us to stay in other facilities. We then discovered that everything in Hawaii was booked for 2016, so I was researching other destinations while we were placed on a waiting list. Two days later we recieved an email that there was a vacancy in Maui in May. I looked at the hotel's website and it's easy to understand why this spot opened up. It's a very no-frills hotel. Like no on-site bar or restaurant. The pool is tiny and there isn't even any tropical folliage around it...Who cares! It's a cheap basic hotel in Hawaii! We're going on an actual vacation! 

Feeling bashful about my age...