Friday, 28 March 2014

For the record, I called it.

I had a much easier time slipping out of the office for my second FET prep visit. My lining is at 12.4, which I think is thicker than it was last time and with an undetectable progesterone level, we're cleared for take-off. Let's just hope our embie survives the thaw, as my RE explained that he is obligated to remind me that if we don't have any reserves if this one doesn't make it. Husband inquired and learned that we would only recuperate the costs for the transfer procedure that wouldn't happen, which is only a few hundred dollars, thus declaring such an event a total waste of time and money. Anyway... later that afternoon, I was walking back to my desk and I took at glance at that the computer screen of my colleague's medical assistant. She was in the chart of one of our primary care doctors. I didn't seen any other details other than her name, but I had a certain feeling... "She's pregnant." I said to myself (and for some reason it was in the voice of Mrs Krabappel). I recently saw a clip from an old episode of The Simpsons where Bart's class was watching a Troy Mc Clure sex-ed video and Ms Krabappel was standing in the back of the room smoking a cigarette and observed, "she's faking." As I was only 13 or 14 when I saw the original airing; it went completely over my head.

Sure enough, the voice of my inner Edna Krabappel was confirmed about 15 minutes later. "Did you hear that the doctor in primary care is going to be a mother?" a newer medical assistant who is training in our department asked me in a very excited tone. Apparently, she sent her announcement though an Outlook mass email. I read her message and then deleted all responses. Sheesh people, just send your congratulations to the mother-to-be, you don't need to hit 'reply-all'! (In fairness, it really irks me when the 'reply-all' response is used in non pregnancy announcement emails as well) Both my Lead Physician and her medical assistant approached me later to see how I was handling the news.

I wasn't surprised. For the record, I called it. She hinted that she was going to start trying after her marathon in October and I'm truly happy for her that she was able to make such short work of it. I don't know why I am gleaning such satisfaction over the fact that I predicted that she would conceive spontaneously while I was doing my first IVF cycle. I opened up a bit more to Co-worker. "I hate myself for being so jealous, but how can I not feel this way? It took her just two months to achieve something I haven't been able to achieve in over two years!" I brought up our 2014 Expense Requests that we both completed last summer. Under the question 'do you  anticipate taking any FMLA time in 2014', she answered 'maybe' with a little smiley face. I became so envious when I saw that response just for the fact that she could be so optimistic. Even though I was actively pursuing infertility treatments, I replied with 'no.' The full stop was added for extra emphasis. Mostly, I thought the question was a bit invasive and I did not want to invite any suspicion. Now my self fulfilling prophecy has become a reality. I will not be taking any FMLA time in 2014.

Since removing my IUD, five other women in my office have become pregnant. Three of those women approached me first to disclose their positive pregnancy test. For two of them, I performed their scans after hours and kept the records locked in my desk until they made the big announcement. Perhaps I was feeling a little bent out of shape as she didn't confide in me. Then again, we're not that close beyond exchanging pleasantries when we pass each other in the break room and recently we had an awkward clash after I confronted her as she wasn't appropriately managing a mutual patient's diabetes. Maybe once again, I'm not so surprised.

Co-worker admitted, "hey, I'm jealous too!" Since the birth of her twins, just over eight months ago, she and her husband have resumed coital relations without any prophylactic measures. "I wish I could become pregnant on my first or second attempt." She described that they are hoping for a freebie, but her Husband isn't ready to start infertility treatments just yet, as he'd like to wait a little longer before having another baby. She doesn't want to bother with IUIs and is thinking of going straight to IVF with an intention to do a FET at a later point in time. Although she has an AMH of 2.22, her FSH was borderline and she had a relatively poor response to stimulation. During the IUI cycle that produced her twins, her ovaries were prodded with a high dose of Follistim and Clomid. It's a logical approach and maybe even reveals a certain advantage to infertility and assisted reproduction. Of course, I couldn't help to think that things may not go according to her plans. She may have to consider a day 3 transfer of two embryos. Maybe she would have twins again. OMG, that would seriously push her sister-in-law over the edge. Anyway, I offered to accompany to her consultation as her Husband would be, ironically, taking care of their kids during her appointment.

I also discovered that my clairvoyant powers are not absolute. On the morning of my WTF appointment, one of our phlebotomists approached me while I was sitting at my desk. "Can you order me an HCG?" she asked softly, but loud enough that others in the vicinity could hear. I nodded and she walked away with a big smile on her face. I figured she must have had a positive home or in office test. As I had recently seen her for an annual visit, I looked back at my notes when I went to placed her orders. She was currently using condoms for birth control and was content with that method, and didn't want to discuss other options. As she was in a new relationship, she wanted STD testing. She also divulged that they would be going to Monterey for a romantic getaway over the upcoming long holiday weekend. I glanced at her last menstrual period and correlated it with trip. Ba-da bing, ba-da boom... this is how it happens! I thought to myself. Except it didn't. When I looked up her result, there was no red flag alerting me of a positive test. I figured she probably knew her own result before I did as she processes lab reports, but I sent her an email, "your test was negative. I'm not sure how you feel about that, but I'm available if you want to talk about it."

The following Monday, we started a new six week session of swimming, which always brings a few new swimmers into the mix. I recognised one woman as I swam in her lane a few weeks ago when I joined the noon group for a few days. After we greeted each other, she explained that her work situation had changed and she needed to switch to swimming at 6 AM. As we were warming up, another former nooner asked her if she was planning to run in an upcoming marathon. "Oh, no. Not this year. I'm 16 weeks pregnant!" Cue the chorus of 'Congratulations!'  Cue me swimming a few more laps. Did I mention that is her second baby and she's 16 weeks pregnant without a hint of a bump and she looks amazing in a two piece swimsuit?  I just have to say it to get it out of my system: bitch. No, I'm not proud of myself.

Ya down with OPP? [Other People's Pregnancy] ...yeah, you know me...


  1. Your last line made me LOL!

  2. Oh Jane. I know you hear this all the time, and I've even said it before myself, I don't know how you do your job. You are an amazing woman. I seriously think so.

    I also laughed at the last line!

    1. I heard that song later that night when I was at the gym and it stuck in my head for hours...

  3. Including me, there were 5 pregnancies in my department on the last film I worked on. My department only had 18 people in it and maybe half were women of childbearing age. It was ridiculous and I was so grateful to be pregnant for every new announcement. I don't think I would have been able to handle it otherwise. So I will also give you credit for dealing with it at work everyday.
    Also, I want to punch people in the face for hitting "reply all". Especially with they reply with "ok" or something equally as uninformative

  4. OPP. Bahaha! I'm so glad you are finding a way to joke about it. Doubly glad you have the most spectacular lining on the planet right now. Hot damn! Let's do this!

  5. "Reply all" should be banned. There's so rarely a need, and idiots just hit it all the time. Argh! Also LOLing at your throwback rap line. Right now at work I'm surrounded by a bunch of pregnancies as well, a few of them by women who seem like they JUST got back from mat leave. I'm not even safe with the guys at the space of one week I went looking for two guys to consult on something and found out that they were both off because their wives had just given birth. Feels like we're sitting in the eye of the hurricane sometimes, doesn't it?

  6. This was hilarious Jane! I heard Mrs. Krabapple's voice as I read that.

  7. Loved the Simpson's reference. Mrs. Krabapple (RIP, that wonderful lady) is one of my favorite characters. And my pregnancy radar is also pretty good. I always know before it's announced. I'm not sure how to take advantage of this super power yet, but I'm thinking of using it for evil. Good luck with your FET!

  8. I applaud you for owning your feelings. Sometimes, we need to just let it out and not judge it. The ending with "bitch" was just perfect. It stung a bit and I liked it. It almost feels likes it harder to deal with your co-workers' pregnancies vs your patients. Patients, co-workers, fellow swimmers...I don't know how you do it! I am not down with OPP!!