Friday 3 July 2015

The Final Verdict

I remember watching the episode of The Office when Pam returns after having her first baby. "How was maternity leave?" she repeats the question asked by the never seen nor heard interviewer. "Oh, it rocked. It rocked my ass off." It has only been one week, but so far, my leave has been rocking my ass off.

I felt oddly emotional as I headed into my last day. I wondered what it would feel like to wake up on Monday morning and not have to go into work. I didn't get to have that experience until Tuesday as I had a 9:00 fetal monitoring with Co-worker on Monday morning. It was as if it were just a regular day. Except I got to wear open toed shoes and I had my swim suit on under my clothes as I planned to attend the noon swim class. During my last week, I scanned myself on a daily basis to confirm Jate's position. He/she was head down on Monday and Tuesday, flipped transverse on Wednesday, and was back to cephalic on Friday (I checked twice that day). I suspected baby was transverse again on Sunday night, which Co-Worker confirmed on Monday morning. Interestingly, in the complete oppositie direction from Wednesday. I felt so defeated. I was now 37 and a half weeks. 97% of babies are head down by 37 weeks. Once again, I was in rare minority. I hated having one more issue. One more potentially complicating factor. Okay, I get it. I suck at pregnancy. I really, really suck at pregnancy. Husband had started to become alarmed after doing a Google search on transverse position. He also tried to bribe baby to turn head down by promising him or her a kitten. I left my appointment to go swimming, which was my first time in the pool in almost two months. While we were doing our kicking drills, I felt a flipping sensation inside. Jate went head down again and has stayed in that position. I've been palpating myself somewhat obsessively to confirm. At least once an hour.

"One of these things is not like the others..."

My final ultrasound to assess my placenta was scheduled for Thursday morning. I wanted to be prepared in case the perinatologist advised me to be delivered the next day. I completed my necessary errands. I prepared some meals to put in our chest freezer. I gathered items to bring to the hospital, although I haven't yet packed them into a suitcase. (For a great list of what to pack, check out this post from Climbing the Pomegranate Tree) It wasn't all work, as Husband suggested that I should spend at least part of the day with my feet up. Wimbledon! The Women's World Cup! Don't mind if I do! I couldn't have planned the timing of this leave any better! It has dramatically reduced the swelling in my ankles. My feet are still a bit puffy, but I lost two pounds, which I'm pretty sure was all water weight. At times, I felt a bit guilty. If I'm able to swim, cook and run important errands such as getting my bits waxed and squeezing in a pedicure, then I should be able to work. Although the swelling has improved in my feet, it's become worse in my hands and I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I feel that I would struggle performing certain procedures. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

Tyler has been keeping me company during my feet up time.

I had been counting down the days until this scan, as it would finally once and for all, answer the questions that had been on everyone's mind for the past twenty weeks. What would be the mode of delivery and when? I was less concerned about the mode of delivery and more curious about the when. I know how selfish this sounds, but I was really hoping for an extension that would grant me some more days of this wonderful leave. I think I have to also acknowledge that I'm freaking out a bit as we may have an actual baby really soon. Despite the pregnancy and preparing the nursery, it hit me when Husband installed the car seat and we took it to the Police Station to be insepcted. I'm driving around with a car seat in my car! Are we really ready for this? We know that this baby is going to change our lives as we know it, but how are we going to react to this change?

The technician must have obtained at least twenty measurements of my placenta and the furthest distance she could measure from the os to the placental edge was 1.8 cm. It would need to be more than 2.0 cm to permit a vaginal delivery. Jate's head was pretty high while she was taking the transabdominal measurements, but the head was more engaged during the transvaginal scan. As the head moved lower in the pelvis, it brought the placenta closer to the cervix. Half a centimeter to be precise. That seemed to seal the deal. A vaginal delivery was just not in the cards for me. I'm okay with this. Quite at peace with it, in fact. Even if the placenta had moved enough, I had decided that I would request a C/section rather than an induction if I didn't go into spontaneous labour.

The Perinatologist was detained at the hosptial and wouldn't be back until the afternoon. I was waiting for his phone call while everyone who knew we would be receiving news was texting and emailing me for an update. He called after 5:30. As he still hadn't left the hospital, he didn't have a chance to look at my images. I reported the findings as well as the recent issues with Jate's presentation and a summary of my blood pressure readings. As long as my blood pressure is within range and baby stays head down, I can schedule my C/section at 39 weeks and 4 days. My maternal side is so happy that Jate will be delivered after 39 weeks. Selfishly, I'm happy about having another week to myself. The doctor offered that we could do one more scan on the day of my Caesarean and if the placenta has moved enough, then we could convert to an induction. NO THANK YOU!

Although, it brought such a sense of relief to have this decision made and to finally have it scheduled, I had to admit to myself that I would proabably always be jealous of Myrtle and the fact that she was able to experience the wonder and beauty and all the glory of a natural vaginal birth. As I filled her in on the details, I asked if her husband slept at the hospital. (I told Husband that he can sleep at home, so at least one of us gets a good night sleep) "I think he did." she replied "We were both so tired as I was up the entire night while I was in labour..." I realised this was my opening for a C/section Women are Smug moment: "Yeah, I was offered if we wanted our case to be at 7:30 or 12:00, and I chose the noon time slot, so we'll have one last morning to sleep in..."

17 comments:

  1. Ha, Jate the gymnast! I think it's normal to be disappointed regarding the vaginal birth, even if it wasn't a huge priority for you. But this plan sounds so optimistic! and I do hope you get to sleep in. I'm very happy for you. Keeping fingers crossed for healthy blood pressure and no early labour!

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  2. im glad you liked the packing list! I ended up not using anything in there until at least the day after the birth; it's funny what life throws at you despite your best planning.

    I'm jealous of your swimming! I did yoga up until the end but I bet swimming would have felt so fantastic, especially at the end when I was giant.

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  3. I think you will not be doing any sleeping in the morning of....you will probably be way to excited and anxious, lol! I had the WORST swelling in my cankles and feet. This time last year I was so miserable. Swimming should help with that!

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  4. Wow, the time has come! Enjoy your week off. That was the best packing list I've ever seen. I saved it in case there's a next time :)
    I can't wait to read your next few posts!

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  5. Wow, the time has come! Enjoy your week off. That was the best packing list I've ever seen. I saved it in case there's a next time :)
    I can't wait to read your next few posts!

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  6. This is great news! You are so close sweet mama!! Jate with ROCK your world. As bad as we all want kids and have waited for 195053270535 years, there is no way to fully be 'ready.' Darren and I were in complete shock for the first few weeks but then slowly adjusted and now it totally feels normal, while even in the crazy first days it was still wonderful.

    By the way, I felt really connected to your C-Section part. I am going to go after my frozen embryos but since they suspect incompetent cervix my MFM is convinced a transvaginal cerclage would do the trick...these are like 75-80% successful. There is this guy in Chicago named Dr. Haney who does transabdominal cerclages and they are like 99% successful. I know in my heart its extreme but I have to do it, which means no matter what I too will only have the option of C-section route. I too am jealous of stupid Myrtle, but I realize that in the infertile world, having a life, healthy baby is the end goal. It still hurts a little (stupid infertility messing stuff up) because I love the idea of the choice to experience natural vaginal birth too but I know way too many women who have this as a plan and end up with C section anyway. EKKKK you are so close!! So exciting!!

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  7. Oh my goodness, coming so soon, I am so excited for you! besides the whole rigmarole with your cervix not cooperating, I think you did mighty well. You can mourn the loss of your chance at a vaginal delivery all you want, you have that right. Wishing you a smooth procedure, and birth, with happy baby and happy mama!

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  8. I love the c/section women are smug comment! Made me laugh. At least you can have THAT over Myrtle, haha! Hope Baby Jate cooperates and stays head down for you. I keep thinking, or wanting to call Jate a boy for some reason. Hmmmm....Can't wait to find out!

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  9. That is so awesome that you felt the baby flip while you were swimming! I'm sorry that you are out the vaginal birth. It is a loss, but as you said, there are certain benefits to being a C-section mama -- that 12 noon time slot sounds great! Wishing you all the best in these exciting times.

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  10. Honestly, I think a lot of people expected me to feel bad about having a c-section and I really didn't. The recovery was tough for a few weeks, but if you're in pretty good health/shape (like I know you are - hello, Olympic swimmer!) you'll probably be fine. I felt almost normal after about 2-3 weeks, other than some lingering tenderness and dead nerves (which still haven't returned to normal 12 weeks later). Plus...no torn vag, stitches, ice pack undies. I've found quite a few upsides to a c-section actually. If you need to grieve the vaginal birth you thought you'd had, go for it. But don't let anyone force you to feel like you're missing out.

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  11. Hi! I came across your blog today while visiting "Who Shot Down My Stork?" Excited to hear your updates - thinking of you!

    http://scrambledeggsinfertility.blogspot.com

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  12. I have been catching up on your blog the last few weeks. You were often on my mind during your pregnancy. Your posts brought tears to my eyes! I can't believe all you've been through and your baby is almost here! Remember when I wrote that if you got pregnant, I'd get pregnant? Well, it's true! I'm 11.5 weeks pregnant! So far, things are going well. Anyhow, I didn't mean to hijack your post. I am sending you so much love and good wishes for a healthy delivery! Take good care. Can't wait for the delivery post!

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    Replies
    1. Eve!! I don't know if you'll even see this, but congratulations! I've thought about you quite a bit and wondered how you are. I'm so happy for you!

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    2. Lilee!! Hi! I have thought of you so often as well. Thank you for your congratulations. I think I'm still in a bit of shock. I had almost given up, but something pushed me forward. Congratulations on your little boy! I hope all of you are doing well! (I couldn't find your blog.)

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  13. I'm so glad to see you so close to meeting Jate, and with this really normal birth plan, compared to the difficult scenarios you had to consider in the meantime. Enjoy those days on leave while Jate is still fully taken care of, and then enjoy getting to know him/her so much more!

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  14. I laughed out loud about scheduling the c-section at noon. We had the choice to have our induction at 5 AM (?!?) or 8 AM and we definitely took the 8 AM slot and the doctor seemed surprised. Umm... this isn't going to happen in a few hours. If this is going to take all day (and it took 36 hours), why get up at 3:30 AM to get started? No, thank you.

    I ended up with a c-section and actually thoroughly enjoyed it. Baby Jate will arrive safe and sound and you will be kept safe and that is all that matters.

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