Tuesday 30 July 2013

The Relegated Bridesmaid

Shortly after I started working in my current position, the Assistant to the Practice Manager started asking me when I was going to have a baby. I've decided to refer to her as 'Michael Scott', even though 'Dwight Schrute' would be a more appropriate parallel analogy. Although quirky, Dwight was actually a diligent and effective employee. She's just as irritating and obnoxious as Michael and is just as inept and unproductive. I've decided that those features outweigh the accuracy of the title. No one in the office really knows exactly what she does all day, but she wanders from desk to desk and talks with staffers. She's been working in this position for thirty years, and I always remember my mother commenting that incompetent people stay in their jobs as they work very hard to hide their incompetence. They learn to look busy, and how to take credit for others' work. Overall, she is a see you next Tuesday.

From time to time she would harass me about procreating. "C'mon, before your eggs fry up" or "You're reaching amnio age." I've been dismissing her by countering that I don't want to have children, which was true for a certain time. One would think that someone who has worked in an Ob/Gyn office for thirty years would be more aware of issues such as infertility or pregnancy loss and would learn not to be nosy, but see my aforementioned description of her. Apparently, she thinks that everyone else's fertility is hers to command. Her "plan" as she frequently announced was that I would become pregnant, followed by Co-worker and then the ENT doctor (this was based on our ages and how long each of us had been married). Obviously, my gametes are not cooperating with her "plan."

Co-worker had her babies. Two boys, both healthy and adorable. She's sleepy, but reports that she is loving every second of motherhood and I couldn't be happier for her and her family. On the day of their arrival, I braced myself to hear the "you're next!" proclamation from Michael Scott. Instead, she focused her attention toward the Family Practice physician who announced her intention to start TTC after her marathon in October. Her medical assistant too. "That way you can both take your maternity leave together!" Oh, she has it all figured out...

As much as I was dreading the public reference to me potentially procreating, I have to admit it stung a little to be omitted. One could argue that maybe she finally accepted that I really don't want to be a mother, or maybe she might suspect that I could be having fertility difficulties and should be sensitive toward me. Yet, I doubt it. See my previous description of her.

I feel like a relegated bridesmaid. Additionally, I received an update from the reigning bride  herself. I was sitting alone in the break room when she walked in. She causally asked me about my day and then looked over her shoulder and sat down across from me. She asked about my blood pressure, although I suspect she was really hunting for an update about my fertility treatments. Then she dropped the P-bomb, "I'm expecting." I know from when I had to tell Co-worker about my BFP that it is really awkward to disclose your pregnancy to someone who is struggling to achieve one. I appreciate that she told me face to face (she hasn't made a grand announcement yet) and I'm happy that her pregnancy is progressing well.


  1. You deserve so much credit for the strength of your spirit. If I had your job, I would simply crumble, I'm certain. I have the occasional exposure to other's pregnancies and that has been hard enough. I just want you to know--It won't always be this hard or feel this bad.

  2. I know it was really hard for a few people close to me to tell me about their pregnancy. This all sucks so bad for everyone!

    I hope you are able to announce your pregnancy soon my friend :)

  3. I had a coworker in CT constantly crack jokes.make remarks about when I was going to get pregnant. One time when I posted something like "YES YES YES" on Facebook, her comment was, "are you pregnant?" Nope, actually I'm infertile you bitch. I don't know why people think that other people's uteruses (uteri?) are their business. Ugh.

  4. At least Michael Scott was funny.
    These are the type of people who either a)know no one who has had trouble conceiving and so it never crosses their mind it could happen, or b)are too self-centered and insensitive to understand their questions/comments/nagging may offend people. Sooo irritating.
    I hope you can surprise them all with your pregnancy announcement soon.

    1. So true, also Michael lacked self awareness, where this woman (who fits into the 'B' category) knows she is an annoying bitch!

  5. I feel the same way. On the one hand, I hated being pestered about having kids, but in a way I got used to it, and so then it hurt when the annoying people stopped asking. You just can't win....

  6. I used to constantly get asked WHEN we are going to have kids. Now I generally get asked DO I have any kids. But never by the same person, like you have this gal at the office. I just don't understand the lack of fact that some people have. I must say, as hard as it was to hear, that was really nice of the other gal to let you know before she makes her big announcement. It's never fun, but it's nice not to get that major slap in the face in front of everyone.