Saturday, 19 October 2013

You've Got to be Kidding Me!

In The Reflexive Responsive Pregnancy, I described the situation where one fertile discovers that a close friend or relative is pregnant and then decides to get knocked up as well. I referenced a pair of sisters who are both patients in our practice and their first and second born children are exactly three months apart. That is not a coincidence. I closed the post by noting that as soon as Co-worker announced her pregnancy, her SIL declared that they would be trying to conceive soon.

Co-worker's SIL is the type of person who always puts her self at the centre of attention and anything that happens to anyone else, has to be related back to her. It was speculated that while she would be genuinely happy for her brother-in-law and Co-worker, she would be a little miffed that her twins were not the only set of twins in the family. Co-worker decided to stagger the announcement. First disclose her pregnancy and then drop the twins bomb once everyone was safely into the second trimester. I didn't say anything to her; but I thought the plan had disaster written all over it. As Co-worker works in an Ob/Gyn office, she couldn't pull the 'Well, we went into for our NT scan [as the first ultrasound] and they discovered it's twins!' card. Although a normal person, and in particular one who had twins herself, might understand the need to get past the first trimester before announcing; her SIL is not a normal person. Furthermore, Co-worker did complicate the situation by repeatedly lying to the SIL who kept inquiring, "Are you sure you're not having twins?" I suspect Co-worker just wanted to delay dealing with her SIL's petty feelings, but her delay also incited anger and a major fight developed.

Co-worker and her SIL didn't talk for much of her pregnancy, which was actually a huge stress relief for Co-worker. The SIL did attend her baby shower which was the start of a reconciliation. Co-worker commented that in the final weeks before her C/section date, and in the first few weeks after bringing the babies home, the SIL was genuinely really helpful and she seemed like a changed person. "She's still very manipulative..." I warned. Co-worker added that as the SIL gave her many of their old baby supplies, "I truly don't think they'll have any more kids."

Last week I received a text from Co-worker: SIL is pregnant with twins again. Are you FUCKING kidding me??? I wrote back, wondering out loud if she used Clomid to ensure she's have another set of twins. This is totally a copy cat pregnancy! I noted. 'I know!' acknowledged Co-worker, who then added 'Talk about pressure on [her husband] and me!'

You cannot be serious... I thought to myself as I put my phone down. She just cut the cord on her twins five minutes ago. Both sets of parents know they experienced infertility and went through treatments to have those twins. How can she feel any pressure? I don't get it at all. Then again, I'm an only child and I don't understand anything about feeling pressure to keep up with siblings.

Co-worker came into the office a few days later to attend an inservice and gave everyone the full story. Her SIL conceived on their third attempt (her first twins were a one hit wonder). After those three... long... months... they worried that something was wrong when the stick showed only one line. That worry was short lived as a few days later when AF hadn't arrived, a follow up test was positive. She was now eight weeks. I did the maths and worked backward. They must have started trying right after Co-worker's baby shower in June, which also coincides with the time that Co-worker noted a change in her behaviour. The SIL was giving away her old supplies to make room for brand new stuff for her brand new baby (as they can afford it). She conceived just weeks after Co-worker's twins were born.

"Hey! I can't call you Preggers any more!" commented a medical assistant as she walked over to Co-worker and greeted her with a hug. "Well, hopefully again within a year!" responded Co-worker gleefully.

You've got to be kidding me... Apparently I wasn't the only one with this thought as our LVN noted "You don't have enough on your plate already?" My thoughts more reflected the fact that experiencing infertility for over a year and scoring on the third and final IUI attempt wouldn't make her think twice before broadcasting her procreation intentions... Or maybe discourage her from talking about adding to her brood in front of her friend who may not ever have one. I don't necessarily expect her to have ** radar... but seriously, I was standing right behind her.

In all honesty, I wasn't surprised. Co-worker's family plans were to have at least three, possibly four kids. Her RE commented that her ovaries responded as if they were much older than her chronological age, so I'm sure Co-worker doesn't want to waste any time. I started to wonder if they would jump to injectable IUI cycles right away. Would it be weird if we were still doing infertility treatments together? Would it be much harder to see her pregnant if my IVF and FETs fail? Would it be like watching her pregnancy after my miscarriage? Is it any easier if I at least feel some what prepared for these scenarios? Seriously, who did I think I was kidding...


  1. Oh Jane....that cuts like a knife to read. I just had an office-mate announce here pregnancy and it's killing me to get to watch the daily and weekly progression of her pregnancy. I can't imagine if that person also made comments such as your co-worker. Ugg!

  2. I don't understand that kind of sibling rivalry especially when it comes to having babies over and over again, that someone who just gave birth (to twins no less) feels pressure that she has to try to get pregnant again just because of her SIL's pregnancy. I don't know. Mind boggling.

  3. I had no clue that there were sibling rivalries about who could have the most kids!?! (Except among Catholics. That I knew) This does not seem like a good reason to keep having kids!?!? At least you are mentally prepared for the possibility - that usually helps me.

  4. Co-workers being pregnant while you're dealing with infertility are just the absolute worst. The whole sibling rivalry thing about who would have more kids is crazy!!! WOW!

  5. Wow just wow. That is absolutely insane to compete like that. What is wrong with people?!?!

  6. Don't understand the sibling rivalry either. I always thought it would be fun to be pregnant at the same time as my sister, and I did finally get to be for a short time. I did feel a little resentful when my 17 year old still in high school brother got his girlfriend pregnant, but that was after 11 years of ttc myself, and I quickly got over it. Crazy that co-worker feels pressure to have more kids when she just had twins!! The SIL does sound like a piece of work.

    1. oh, she is! ...and we're not talking art...

  7. Whatever happens with your IVF will most likely have some effect on how you approach the pregnant ladies at kind of depends on what's going on with you and where they are at the same time. If someone announces a pregnancy on the day you get a BFN, ouch. If you're having a good day with lots of follies growing, it might not bother you so much. It's so hard to know, and I've been caught unawares by emotions when I least expect it sometimes. I still don't know ow you do it in your line of work especially!

  8. I feel like you wrote about my SIL! Luckily, she was my sister's problem, not mine, as they are much older than me. However, her competitive nature now has her comparing kids and gifts from the grandparents. Your co-worker's SIL should be pitied. She's looking for attention now, but what about when she has a house full of kids that she may or may not really want! It still sucks that semi-infertiles still have enough control over their fertility that they can compete by producing babies!