Saturday, 29 December 2012

Back in the game

Despite the advances of modern technology, it is still difficult to determine exactly when I going to ovulate. My clear blue monitor gives me a reading of low, medium and then high. The medium days are meant to warn of impending ovulation, but as I've ovulated anywhere from day 12 to 19, I've seen 1 to 8 medium days. As the monitor is somewhat less helpful in anticipating ovulation, I've learned to pay attention to other clues. I expected my cycle would be off more than usual following my miscarriage, and I almost didn't use the monitor, but I figured if I didn't used it, I would end up wishing that I had. One week after the miscarriage on day 8, it went to medium. As I had just stopped spotting a few days ago, I was still meticulously checking the toilet tissue. Mucus city. Maybe there was something accurate about the monitor. Day 9, still medium. I had to go to the hospital and I shared an elevator with a male nurse from the telemetry floor. Sadly, he was probably ten years younger than me, but he was rather cute and looks like he visits the gym semi-regularly. We began to engage is pleasant small talk, but my mind was thinking, hmmm...I could stop the elevator and we could... There was another sign of impending ovulation: wanting to bang anything that moves. Sure enough, the next day my monitor was indicating I was at my peak fertility. Later that afternoon I felt twinges of pain on my left side right where my ovary is. I had ovulated on the right side for the cycle that resulted in my miscarriage, so I knew it was the left one's turn. Co-worker was having her scan that day. I felt confident things would go well for her. As long as the odds were for us both to become pregnant, I felt they were longer for us both to miscarry. As she lost her father earlier this year, I felt she needed this more than I did. My phone indicated I missed a call from her and she didn't leave a voice mail message. Fuck. If everything went well, she would have texted. I called her back straight away. She had a slight laughter in her voice when she answered and I knew what she was about to tell me. She was pregnant with twins. I was thrilled for her. She wanted to have three kids, so this brings her closer to that goal. As I fear twins, I can honestly say that I'm not jealous, although I know it's going to be hard to endure all the attention she will receive when she makes her announcement. She was very open about telling everyone we work with that they were doing infertility treatments. Selfishly, I acknowledge that I will have more added to my workload as she will most likely be taking an earlier and longer maternity leave, which will suck if I am pregnant, and suck more if I am not. It makes my findings seem less significant, she's just learned she's having twins, and I'm getting excited over mucus, lustful thoughts, twinges and a fertility monitor reading, but at least it means I'm back in the game.


  1. Twins scare me too but now I am thinking that I will have to at least entertain the idea with my low ovarian reserve.....

    Your thoughts and feelings are not insignificant, just different because you are in a different situation right now than your co-worker.

    Good luck with that mucus and the horny thoughts! :-)

  2. Hey, never dismiss the importance of a big juicy glob of EWCM. That's more exciting than twins for a lot of people!

  3. Thanks, twins would be a huge challenge since both our parents live so far away, and as we're both only children, we're fixed on only having one. I'm embracing any positive sign no matter how small it seems, the hot male nurse was good fantasy material! - happily married and faithful, just not dead :)

  4. I have the same problem with the clear blue monitor. Will I have 1 medium day or 5? It's rather hard to plan around.

    1. My ovaries don't want to set any trends or patterns, I can O on day 13 on cycle and then on day 19 the next. Makes it hard when you're working with male factor and we need H on a 3 day build up.