Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Ignorance is Bliss

It's the two week wait revisited. After surviving the first 2ww to get to the BFP, there is another waiting period to determine if the pregnancy is viable. This wait is a little different as each day could bring you closer to good news, or bad news. I wasn't experiencing any symptoms, no nausea, no fatigue, although I knew it was still rather early. I was still meticulously inspecting toilet tissue every time and so far all was clear. I thought back to last New Year's Eve. After kissing at midnight, Husband whispered to me 'this time next year, we'll be a family of three'. We were closer to fulfilling that promise. I had a dream about my scan. It was quite weird; it was the day I was meant to go in to start my IUI cycle, but the Nurse was the one who was scanning me. She commented "um, you're already pregnant" but couldn't tell me anything else. However, I could see the image and there was a viable 9-10 week fetus. The timeframe didn't fit my situation, but I would take the dream as a good omen. When the pregnancy of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge was announced, Myrtle texted me "You'll be pregnant at the same time!" At last I could feel validated taking my prenatal vitamins. The cartoon drawing of a heavily pregnant woman was no longer mocking me. I received an invite to a baby shower, but didn't have the familiar feelings of dread and distain. I was able to shop for Christmas gifts for my nephews and little Myrtle without the overwhelming feeling of sadness. I was so tempted to start purchasing a few things for my little one, but I know better than to tempt fate. Last year, just before we started TTC, I saw some onesies and a few stuffed toys that I couldn't resist and I started a little hope chest for our baby. I hid it deep in my closet when my parents came to visit, which is also when we started to realise we had fertility issues and I haven't touched it since. The one purchase I did have to make was getting a new bra. I've always been a borderline A/B size and I've been noticing marks on my skin at the end of the day. Finally time to upgrade to a B. I passed a baby store that was going out of business and all items were 40% off including prams. This seemed to good to pass up! But how would I know which was to get? How was I going to know about anything I would need for a baby, much less how to care for one? I slapped myself on the wrist to bring me back to reality. After all, my scan was still three days away.

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