Thursday 13 December 2012

Thanksgiving weekend

I was so looking forward to having four days off from work. Husband was going to be away at a field hockey tournament, and as much as I love him and knew how much I would miss him, I was happy to have some time to myself. On Thanksgiving morning, I ran a 10K "Turkey Trot". Prior to the race, the organisers held a "Little Turkey's 100 year dash". I watched as parents lined the course to cheer their kids and a lone tear ran down my cheek as I wondered if I would ever be cheering for my own 'little turkey'. I finished the race and was looking for my official time, when I heard the announcer at the finish line congratulate an 8 year old girl who had just finished her first 10K. I looked toward the finish line. Her father ran over to her and scooped her up in his arms and starting twirling in circles. I thought he might explode with pride. They were joined by her mom, who was probably 7 or 8 months pregnant, and her little brother. It was a touching family scene that completely overwhelmed me. The tears were swelling in my eyes. I ran to my car without checking my own time and broke down crying as I drove away.

I pulled myself together and got cleaned up to go to my aunt's house. I was spending Thanksgiving dinner with my cousin and her new baby from her spontaneous pregnancy at age 41. As we were finishing dinner, her husband started discussing how their new arrival was such a good baby. I could see where he was going with this from a mile away, so I decided to bait him by countering that maybe it only seemed easier as they were more experienced than when they brought home their first son. He decided to stop being subtle. "So are you two thinking about having kids?" I was so tempted to reply "Actually, we're infertile, and so were you at one point, so why don't you shut the fuck up." However, I managed to keep my composure. "We have two cats". He didn't get the hint "Cats aren't kids!" he followed. My cousin came to my rescue. "They have two cats" she told her husband while flashing him a STFU look. I mentally high fived her for that.

I develop agoraphobia on Black Friday. I have no desire to face traffic or crowds of people and so I spend the entire day at home doing cleaning and yard work. However my main mission was to avoid getting my period. I kept examining the toilet tissue looking for any evidence of AF's warning spots. I was counting every AF free hour that passed. Finally made it to midnight! I was sure she would arrive the next day, as I was running a half marathon and AF has a knack for my race days. I felt really good during the run, my legs were a little stiff from running two days ago, but my stamina was high for all thirteen miles. A month earlier I ran a half the day before AF's arrival and felt tired and sluggish and had a horrible time. I had started to wonder if it was a sign of a possible pregnancy. Nope. AF showed up on time just to rub salt in the wounds of my disappointing race. I wasn't pregnant, I just sucked. Still no sign of her. I'm beginning to think that I may have over cooked myself with the supplemental progesterone. Maybe it wasn't such a smart idea.

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